Sunsets and Long Rides Home

I had coffee with a friend in the late afternoon today. We began to catch up on each other's lives. She spoke much wisdom into my life.

One of the things that she mentioned that really made me think was this concept of the "innocence of youth". As a child, I was grateful that I did not have to worry about where my next meal was going to come from. I would go to the bakery with my dad and choose one item from behind the glass counters. It would always be the biggest chocolate chip cookie. Then, I broke the cookie in half, carefully measuring each piece side-by-side, to make sure that I would always get the bigger half. We conversed about how kids typically do not have to worry about "adult sized" situations and that you gradually acquire more responsibilities as you get older. However, I am gently reminded that not all kids have this luxury of a carefree childhood. Some children are forced to grow up fast, to become adults quickly, and to face life head on at a very, very young age.

Throughout sips of hazelnut coffee with honey and spoonfuls of of tomato soup, I shared about my long drive home. I have this obsession (well, maybe it's a hobby, really), of taking pictures of sunsets. My family and I were returning home from visiting family for the day and there was this beautiful sunset that guided our way. The sunset was gray and cloudy on the right side, with a yellow streak speckled with pink and blue on the left side. Oh, how I so longed to snap a picture of the part of the sunset that had color!

As we drove, I saw a beautiful strip of pink ahead. I wanted a picture of that, too! I was struck by the thought: sometimes, I want to be in the vicinity of the color when the reality is that I have to first travel through the gray clouds. I can't just accelerate my car to snap a picture of the yellow and speckles in hopes of arriving faster to the pink. The gray clouds are a journey that I am required to participate in, the yellow and speckles are the hope that takes my hand, and the pink, ah, the pink, is the promise that sits patiently waiting for me to arrive.

See, I can't hurry through a journey. It's simply not the destination that matters; it's all of the experiences in between that help to shape the outcome of the journey. It's those vital and important pieces that form your identity and make you the person that you were created to be.

So, as I travel in my car of life, with the gray on my right and the color on my left, and the pink straight ahead, I am reminded that I am loved. So, here's some questions that I have pondered and you might, too:

-What are you waiting for?
-What & where are your "gray clouds?"
-What are the "yellow and speckled colors" of hope in your life?
-What's the pink promise that lay ahead?

And finally, how do you feel about waiting?

Thoughts on food, risks, and romance

Since I last posted, I have continued to learn more about myself. However, I am not naive to think that I will ever stop learning about myself, life, or people.

So, what have I been learning?

First off, a lot about risk-taking. Risk-taking in terms of letting go of old habits, old ways, and people.

Learning about the value of moving on. Instead of hanging on to a pile of dead roses, letting go of them. Keeping the memory, but looking ahead to the future, to today, to right now.

Eating healthier. Really monitoring what goes into my body and asking myself questions before I eat such as "why am I eating this?" "Is this beneficial to me right now?" "Can I be making a better food choice instead?"

Valuing the people that I surround myself with. Really focusing on them and both the input and influence that they have in my life and I in theirs.

Learning that students are the greatest teachers. That laughing and having fun all within the context of learning are vital to a child's growth. Treating them as a person encourages their growth and establishes purpose.

And, more recently, about marriage and relationships. . . . . . .

Knowing that my husband will arrive when the time is ripe and ready for harvest. That I can take comfort in ceasing the search - knowing full well that God has a chosen man who will walk alongside me and I in him for years to come. That he will value me as a woman, as a wife, and as a future mother just as I plan to value him as a man, as a husband, and as the future father of our children. He will ultimately not be the person that "completes" me, as society often encourages us to believe, but rather, one who is completed in God, because of His saving love on the cross. My husband's love should not be showcased, but should be a love that overflows from his heart because of his divine humility. I want a man who will love me for who I am, not for my work. I want a human being who has faults, but is desperately working to come to terms with his sinful nature and thus, working to overcome them day by day. I want a man who enjoys being with me - and, one who is eager to watch me grow in God. I want a man who I can support and who can support me. I long for a man who is grounded in Jesus, and who finds his value and his worth in Him. I seek a man who not only "walks the walk" but "talks the talk." One that is efficient, reliable, and trustworthy. I seek a man that does not have an E-harmony profile, but one who is eagerly profiling the women in search of the best fit. I want a man who is praying for me, and I for him. I want a man that, like a pair of jeans you put on that fits so perfectly, I get the same feeling from. I want a man who is caring and not afraid to shed a tear (or tears!). I want a man who has a sympathetic heart towards all and who touches the lives of all those he interacts with. I want a man like Boaz with a relationship like his and Ruth's.

So, as the "Lady in Waiting", I wait; for him, for my Boaz. I want a man who sees my singleness not as something to take away from me, but as something to learn more about. Until then, I want to be an influence for other single women, and I pray that my life might exemplify Jesus and point all toward God. I know that someday, somewhere, my husband and I will finally meet. Perhaps he's someone I have known all along, perhaps he's someone who knows very little about me. Either way, a friendship is bound to form. This future that I long for will not just be a new chapter in  my life, but simply an addition to all that God has blessed me with thus far.

My Goals

I've been trying to figure out what to write on here for the past several days. Yet, every time I come to this part, I draw a blank. Alas, let's try this again.

Here are some goals I have for the next month.

1.) A daily, regular quiet time with God.
2.) Less time checking my phone for text messages/emails/etc.
3.) Weekly time writing poetry.
4.) Weekly time for leisure reading.
5.) Regular time journaling.
6.) Fruitfully using this season of singleness for good - to use my testimony to help other women and, to use what I've learned to help me set clear expectations for what I look for in a man.
7.) Continuing to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables on a daily basis.
8.) Caring for those around me in a tangible and giving way.

For those who have never set short-term or long-term goals, I encourage you to try. Share your thoughts with the people who hold you accountable. And, feel free to post your goals here.

Happy Saturday!

The Intersection Between Leisure and Work

Today was absolutely wonderful!

I learned about the intersection between leisure and work. I was able to set aside time for a friend (that during my regular work week, would be challenging for me to do) and was able to complete some school work. I wasn't worried about the "next thing" to go to or being on a set time schedule. In fact, one of the main things that I learned about life today is that I am able to accomplish required work while at the same time, doing things for myself. 

For example, this morning I went to the gym. I was able to relax while working out, without having to think about the next meeting to go to or tutoring session to attend. It is an activity that is both enjoyable and beneficial for me to partake in. And I really think that each and every one of us needs at least one activity to participate in on a daily basis. Whether it is reading one or two chapters of a favorite book, listening to some music, writing, playing a musical instrument, doing a sport, drawing, the possibilities are endless. Schedule this time in your agenda each day with one day completely free from work and intentionally set aside for rest.  

Try it - and share your comments here. 

The Fifth Day

Day five without any social media.

I'm learning about the importance of filling my life with things that matter:

friends,
home cooked meals,
laughter,
pancakes,
long conversations,
happiness,
accountability,
community,
rest.

May you be encouraged to invest in a friend's life this week. May your activities know no time, be intentional, and truly life-giving.

Springtime in my Soul

"Springtime in my Soul."

That's what was spoken by a friend at the Ash Wednesday Service I attended last night. This really stayed with me - that a person's soul is capable of having life even when something (like a habit) is taken away. The "springtime" aspect gives me the hope that this separation won't last forever. There is an end in sight but it is the process, or the things that we learn along the way, that truly matter the most.

Today, I didn't really miss being connected to social media. In all honesty, the ability to "disconnect" and focus on a desire deep within that mattered (teaching, family, rest) - that was/is the key. There were times where I looked at my phone and wondered about what was going on with my friends, but then I was gently reminded that I can call them, talk to them, or schedule a coffee date with them. Ahh, the essence of being personal! Granted, not every day I will feel focused to participate in something completely opposite of my habits that I've called my own for such a long period of time. I do know, however, that our society lacks that person-ability in a world so dominated by tweets, texts, status updates, and pictures. Every time I look to snap a picture of the latest beautiful sunrise or sunset, I think to myself: "Just enjoy it." Historically, cameras were a luxury that captured significant moments in people's lives. What's the point of documenting every little bit of my life in pictures and broadcasting it to a world that I forget to acknowledge the beauty and creativity behind it all?

My hope is that you would see the "springtime" in your soul - whether you've called the cold wintry climate your home for years or have seen snippets of spring frolic in your life. Be open to the blossoming and buds, and allow the warm sunshine heat up your soul in the days ahead.

A Lenten Journey 2013

Hi Friends,

On Wednesday, February 13, I will be taking a break from all social media. This type of break is commonly referred to as "fasting" in Christian circles. In today's society, fasting is often thought of as not eating - and in some cases, this is true. However, I believe that fasting, or "taking a break" from things that cause us distraction or deter us further away from who we are (our identity) applies to everyone, regardless of your spiritual background. The Lenten season (the period from Feb. 13 through the beginning of April) reminds me of Christmas. On the one hand, the waiting part - looking towards the end result- is extremely hard. On the other hand, the expectation leaves one with joyful hope and eager anticipation of what is to come.

With that said, I invite you all to come with me on my Lenten Journey, and perhaps, start one of your own. Think about what you might "give up," knowing that in about 8 weeks, you will get "it" (whatever that "it" is for you) back. Is it texting? Movies? Coffee? Chocolate? Chips? Work avoidance? Lack of spending time with your family and closest friends?

For me, I need to give up social media, specifically Instagram and Facebook. I often find myself more concerned about my friend's pictures, and crafting the perfect status updates; things that really have no weight and little meaning in our world. I navigate to these technological resources when I am bored or should be doing something else. And over time, I've learned that such tools that were originally created for something good, have been distorted because of our views and use of them. I also have observed that these types of social media put a damper in the time that I spend with God, my family, and my leisure times. I see myself in a relationship of sorts - waiting for the next "notification" and in that, comparing myself and my accomplishments to the larger world. It's an unhealthy relationship that I've felt has needed some significant change for quite some time.

So this series of daily posts, is my commitment to you, my readers, and myself that I will follow through. I like to think of this "fast" as a healthy and better alternative to channel my thoughts, use my time, and develop my talents. From this experience, I expect to learn, to love, to make mistakes, to fall down, to pick myself back up, and most of all, to grow. I hope that together, you and I can use this space to share the lessons we've learned along the way.

Cheers!

P.S. Here's a Lenten Calendar I've held onto for 3 years. May it inspire you :)

Cleaning House

If there was ever a theme for this point in my life, it would have to be cleaning.

This entire week, all I've done is clean. I've cleaned out my closet, my bureau, vacuumed, washed clothes, and turned the dishwasher on more times than I can count. And it seems, perhaps, that while I've cleaned the "physical" parts of my home, I've also cleaned the "spiritual" parts as well.

Let me give you an example. While I've been in the "cleaning" mode this past week, I've come across several small snippets of a life once past. Just like we may grow out of jeans or a pair of shoes, I've noticed that I've "grown" out of certain things in my life; that is, to say, I've been holding on to "things" for far too long in hopes that they would change. Old papers and notes from points in my life that at the time seemed of vital importance, do not hold the same value as I once thought they had. And finally, I feel okay with letting go: with cleaning out the windows of my soul. Too long, I've been dusting out the cupboards only to place my junk back inside. Here, they rot and grow into all kinds of twisted shapes that they are unrecognizable. Yet, I continue to house them and provide for my junk; ultimately unwilling to completely let go.

That is, until this week.

Memories (both hurtful and helpful) have finally been released from the fingertips of my hands. It feels so good to have experienced ultimate release, to have let go. - honestly, I feel healthier and happier than I have ever felt before. Deciding to clean with the goal of letting go is not easy. It takes some hard work, lots of perseverance, and commitment. In some ways, it may appear to bystanders that you are closing the door on your memories. But to your soul, you are truly making way for better things to come. And for real, who can expect to place a fresh bouquet of flowers in a vase when an old, dried out one is barely hanging on inside? The neat thing about cleaning, is that it's never done. Yes, it is true that in order to change, we must first exchange the hurting for something better. But it's in that heartache, pain, and mess, that a beautiful flower arrangement is made.

Happy Cleaning!

Life is Like a Peanut Butter Cookie

I sit here typing this post while eating a gluten and dairy free peanut butter cookie. There is something about biting into a cookie, specifically peanut butter, that every morsel becomes soaked up and inhabited by your taste buds. In some ways, life is like biting into a (insert your favorite) cookie.

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about major life decisions, the future, and all of the potential that lies ahead of me. As I open up my cookie box debating whether to take a bite of that delicious cookie, I find my realisitic self calling out "Wait! Hold on! There is something better than this right now." And, while I feel that I've crowned myself the "Queen of Waiting", I hear God at the other end whispering softly in my ear saying: "Take a bite now. Go ahead. It's okay. Go for it."

Now, I do believe that there are points in our lives where we are called to "wait" for something. You may find yourself in such a place right now. But, I do believe that we can become so carried away with just waiting, sitting back, and watching, that the world passes us by and we have assumed the role of mere bystanders in an old black and white film.

It is this latter season of my life that I find myself in now. I've discovered that all of these opportunities and friendships are beckoning for me to grab hold of them. I'm learning how to take risks that are healthy, how to face the everyday with my eyes wide open, and how to be okay with failing. I am hopeful and awestruck that such a God, a Creator, would choose a servant like me to fulfill his purpose. I am amazed by his love and his grace that he has for me; and how often I lack to actually see it, feel it, and experience it. I am like a child again, sitting at my dad's feet and looking up at him: knowing that I am protected and cared for. Sometimes, this love is hard to experience - all I know is that His grace, His love, is completely free and open to anyone. We just have to choose whether we want to lift up our hands to be placed on his lap or to sit where we are.

It's equivalent to choosing whether we want to taste that fullness of the peanut butter cookie. We can know so much about a product and yet not really know it at all. Take, for example, a computer. If you like Macs or know a great deal about them but do not own one. . . well, that is way different than owning a Mac and getting the full use out of it all of the time.

Here's another example. While in college, a friend was trying to get me to begin a small group for women. I was at a point in my life where I was incredibly shy and quiet and asked "Why me?" And this friend told me: "Alex, you can take classes about teaching and read all of the books, and do all of the homework, but until you get into a classroom to teach kids, you haven't really experienced 'teaching.'" This challenged me to pop my head out of the turtle shell that I enclosed around me for so long and look outside. I began to speak, to share my faith, and to encourage my friends and classmates. I am humbled to write that this once shy and quiet girl has transformed into an outspoken young woman!

And yet, I am re-learning this important life truth again - only this time, with a peanut butter cookie. I see the transformation happening in my life in a way that works to put others first, embraces and tries new opportunities, lives in the present, and makes the future a reality. Through God, He has given me the ability to say "Yes" to things that are of Him, to discern important decisions, and to help others in their spiritual journeys.

All of that said, life is really like biting into a peanut butter cookie. Once you take that first bite and make the option to chew slowly and intentionally, you'll notice flavors that have been there all along.

Words of Wisdom. . . . for everyone

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continus to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it-he will be blessed in what he does. If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tonuge, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." -James 1:27