# 1 : height & size

I have viewed the world from 5 feet tall since fifth grade, so I guess not much has changed on that end. Don't get me wrong. There were times where I'd lay my head on my pillow at night and pray the next morning that I'd grow. But, that didn't work either. When school started again, every one who went through the summertime growth spurts - always came back to school incredibly tall. I recall senior year in high school when a couple of my guy friends and I were playing basketball in the classroom. You know, the little hoops that attach to the top of the door. It was hard to make the basket. But, put me in a basketball game, and I can go in and out of the paint and shoot those baskets like its going out of style. Though I loved basketball and was really quite good at it, I often got benched during my elementary and middle school years because of my height. Whether it be going from one part of the state to the other on the travel team or the town league, I was often benched. I remember one instance being benched the whole game until the last minutes or so. I was finally put in. I remember crying the whole ride back home. It wasn't until I got to high school that I was finally recognized for the skill that I had, not for my height.

I also remember the day that I walked into the doctor's office for my yearly checkup. She went through the "doctorly" routine and then it came to my height. She printed out a record of my growth since I was first born, picked up the line graph and said: "Well, I think you have evened out. You're probably not going to grow anymore."

Well, she was right. Twenty-four years later, and I am still 5 feet tall. And you know the funny part? Every time I've been to the doctor's since my pediatrician, they are always eager to see how tall I am. Again and again, I find myself saying "I am five feet tall." Yet, most times, I have "magically" grown an inch or two, and I hear them tell me "oh, well you're 5ft, 1 inch" or "5ft, 2 inches." Could it be that perhaps it's because I've had a little extra help from the footwear that I have on? My running sneakers give an extra inch or two and when I am in heels or wedges, I also get a little extra height. But seriously, I could save them a step with this process, every single time - and I could get out of my appointment earlier!

Speaking of footwear, I have not grown much in that department either. Well, not at all to be perfectly honest. In fifth grade when my doctor told me that my days of growing taller had come to an abrupt end, my feet also stopped growing as well. (Hmm, could there be a connection?) I was and continue to fluctuate between a size 6 or a 7 in women's. Sometimes, I do get surprises. Just last summer, I walked into Dick's Sporting Goods to buy a new pair of running sneakers. I walked passed a sale table and I found a pair of blue sneakers that I really liked - (more about my favorite color in a later post.) I picked them up, tried them on (they looked to be about my size) and they fit! So, of course I had to look at the tongue of the sneaker and saw that they were a size 6 and 1/2 in KIDS! So, yes, I guess there are those times (relatively few) where I fit into a kids shoe.

More than not, I dread any type of sneaker and/or shoe shopping. Not so much anymore, but it's still pretty hard. I've inherited the small, wide, tall arch foot from my family. You see, I'm not one that can go into a shoe store, spend 20 minutes trying on shoes, and then leave. I'm the type of person that walks into a shoe store, sees all the shoes that she could have and that are her size, try on several pairs for a couple of hours and can't have them for a plethora of reasons: either one shoe fits fine and the other hurts somewhere around the front of my toes; the cut of the shoe is too narrow and not wide enough, the arch is too small and not high enough, or, when I walk around in the store for a few minutes, the shoes start hurting. Thankfully, I haven't had to go shoe shopping in a while.

My height is now something that I joke about with my friends. When the time comes up, it usually helps to break the ice and makes people laugh. For example, I was over my friend's apartment last night. She lives with two other roommates. One of the guys has a door frame pull bar between the kitchen and hallway. He lifted himself up with ease and then my friend tried it. I was next. I was in my heels which usually adds another 2 inches to me but, I could just about reach the handles. We all laughed. If I were to try this again, I would need a stool for lift off. Ha, I should have realized this because even trying to grab the handles to do the pull down bench press at the gym is hard. I have to stand on my tippy toes to reach that one.

In terms of men, I usually go for the ones that are taller than me. No offense to those who are on the shorter side. It's just preference. (: If they are humorous, muscular, physically fit, and like to run, that's always a plus, too. First, they easily solve the height issue. They can reach things that are way too high in the kitchen cabinets for me. Every time I cook at home, I always have to ask my dad to get a pan down from the top of the refrigerator or a bowl that's too high in the cabinet to reach. Second, having tall guys for friends and even as a future boyfriend will also help when we are walking from the car to a store. Drivers are more likely to see a taller person walking around/ between the cars then they are too see a shorter person who blends in height wise with them. Finally, taller men, for me, usually exhibit a sense of protection and frankly, I like being able to look up in a guy's eyes when I talk to them.

In terms of clothing size, I have been the same size (though have toned up quite a bit and since joining a gym) since fifth grade. It's really quite remarkable, actually. I have this teal dress that I love to wear in the summertime that I have had since fifth grade that I still fit into. And, I have some overalls from fifth grade (a navy blue one with shorts and one with pants), that I sometimes wear on special occasions.

As a teacher, I feel that I am able to relate to my students better. They do not see me as overpowering but as someone who looks facially like them. Bring out the heels and makeup! In elementary school, all of the students are usually shorter than I am. Once I get to middle and high school, they start outgrowing me. It always makes for fun discussions when I walk into a classroom to teach and the teenagers ask "Where is our teacher?" And I reply with "Here, I am!"

So, you see, fifth grade was an influential time for me. It not only marked the end of elementary school but the beginning of middle school, too. It set the stage for the height, shoes, and clothing sizes later in life. I literally smile every time I slip on that little teal dress because I have so many fond memories in it. These will make great stories to tell my kids someday.

24 Things You May Not Know About Me

Hi Blogger Friends and Readers,

It has been just about a month since I last wrote. Throughout this time, I have learned a great deal about myself, the world, and the people in it. This entire year has been a learning experience for me and has truly shaped me in the ways in which I interact with others. My eyes have opened just a little wider to the circumstances, people, and ordinary everyday things that have been placed in my path. I have learned a lot about risk taking, healthy vulnerability, and the importance of relationships and the ingredients it takes to ultimately make them taste deliciously enticing or bitterly disgusting.

As I write this post, I am sitting in the Barnes and Noble Cafe, looking outside the picture window at a small patch of brightly colored flowers, listening to the sounds of construction trucks outside, and the familiar hum of coffee machines mixing together the summertime's latest flavors. Children's voices weigh in on the daily demands of life while a silent hum of unknown jazz music plays in the background. Bright sunny skies with crisp white clouds on a backdrop of a blue horizon pour in through the window as families pass by, complete with colored flip flops, torn beach shorts, and rewashed tank tops. Cars drive in and out of the parking lot like ants frantically carrying pieces of leaves back to their mounds. I wonder exactly how this day will turn out and then think to myself - - just enjoy this moment of summertime flutter. Take in the sights, sounds, smells, and beauty. For sometimes, we can be so quick and eager to jump to the next thing that we forget the wonder in pursuing the simple, yet complex things right in front of us.

All that said, this summer I am making a pact to write every single day on this blog. Well, at least I'm going to try. I may fail at times (correction, I will fail), but the reality is, I need to write more - to perfect my craft in order to improve. And, since I love writing, what better way than to share my thoughts, rantings, and innermost secrets than on here! With you, and the world (well, at least my extended family and friends.)

Anyway, drawn from inspiration from recent interactions with my friends and other blogs that I have read, I want to title this series "24 Things You May Not Know About Me."

Why "24 things" you ask? Great question! Well, since I've been on this earth for 24 years, I thought it would be sensible to share 1 thing about myself each day, beginning today up until July 19. Then, we'll see what I feel like writing about after that.

Sounds good? Thought so! Well, here goes. The first in a series of "24 Things You May Not Know About Me" begins. . . . . . . now.

Of Long Runs and Wildflowers

Lately, I have found myself in this phase of trying to juggle work and life. It's a balancing act, really. Sometimes things get thrown off kilter and need to be readjusted or even rearranged. I've been taking more runs and walks. I absolutely love this warm beautiful weather, where flowers are in bloom, birds are chirping, and kids are laughing in the park. Spring is a hopeful season.

Being at the ocean reminds me of that hope, too. It's a place where I am again reminded of just how small I am. Not a "smallness" in terms of insignificance, but a "smallness" that lets me know just how bigger the world truly is. I love seeing the waves crash against the shore, forming jagged edges alongside of the rocks. It's nature's way of saying, "you are not alone."

Both the ocean and flowers are equally majestic. Majesty can be found in life's simple pleasures; a leaf catching the sunlight in the middle of a road, a fish swimming in a pond, or even an elderly couple sitting on a park bench holding hands. Beauty is found everywhere. Sometimes though, it is more challenging to find it in the places of our lives where we often hurt the most. It's in those dirt-filled places, that I've noticed myself asking: "where's the beauty here?"

The truth is, dirt is a sign of life. It's a sign that something new is springing up from the ground. There is life in a space that causes hurt, eventually transforming (like a butterfly) into a beautiful creation. Yet with anything, transformations require time. And, that is not something that we can expect to see results from over night. Depending on the amount of hurt, and how it has clouded our vision, the progress can appear blurry. Progress is happening, nonetheless. It may not be in the way that we had wanted or hoped for, but it is/will be in the way that is most needed at this particular point in our lives.

So remember to always hope. And to document your hopes. I leave you with a list of my hopes (dreams). May you be encouraged to develop your own "Hope List."

Cheers!

My Hope List

• A place (apartment or house) to call my own.
• A full-time teaching job
• To have my photos published someday.
• To publish a book of my own poetry.
• Give a poetry reading. 
• Get my Masters Degree
• Take creative writing courses
• Travel 
• Adopt a child
• Plant a flower garden
• Write for an educational and/or literary magazine
• Get married by the ocean
• Open up my own dance studio and/or teach a group of children how to dance
• Sail
• Visit Mt. Rushmore, the Lincoln Memorial, New York City and other famous places in the U.S.
• Sing in front of a group of people
• Draw (again)
• Make my own pottery
• Sleep in a tent 
• Crochet/knit a blanket
• Work at an orphanage
• Go on a safari
• Make hand blown glass
• Fall in love

Burnt Cookies & Hope

As I reflect upon this tragedy in Boston thus far, I am deeply saddened for all parties involved. I struggle to find words or to craft a status to share. But the truth is, no amount of words will make this situation any better. 

There is a term associated with such pain and heartache as this: splagnizomai. In Biblical times, it was used to describe that the insides of a person groan and hurt so much. It was also used to describe how Jesus felt: that when translated to modern, everyday language, it would be something like, "Jesus was "wrought with splagnizomai." I think it's safe to say that we all feel some sense of this "splagnizomai" -in one way or another: for our friends, our family, our spouse. And, it's true that we will probably never look at the world the same way again. However, we need to remember that in the midst of this "splagnizomai", there has been hope; people helping each other, lifting one another's spirits, and just listening.

So, though the pain seems like a really bad batch of poorly made chocolate chip cookies - it's important to know that in between the burnt pieces, there was something originally good. There was a cookie that was created by the baker to taste delicious with all of that rich chocolatey flavor when you bite into it, but became burnt because of our need to be the "baker." Remember that the original cookie, the original Boston marathon was created for good - and, though all of this "burnt" stuff occurred, there is still a part of the baker's original idea for a scrumptious cookie that remains among the rubble. It's our job now, (and it always has been) to search for that "good" piece of the cookie - to pick it up and share it with others.

In short - FIND the cookie, CARE for the cookie, BE the cookie.
Cheers.

Sunsets and Long Rides Home

I had coffee with a friend in the late afternoon today. We began to catch up on each other's lives. She spoke much wisdom into my life.

One of the things that she mentioned that really made me think was this concept of the "innocence of youth". As a child, I was grateful that I did not have to worry about where my next meal was going to come from. I would go to the bakery with my dad and choose one item from behind the glass counters. It would always be the biggest chocolate chip cookie. Then, I broke the cookie in half, carefully measuring each piece side-by-side, to make sure that I would always get the bigger half. We conversed about how kids typically do not have to worry about "adult sized" situations and that you gradually acquire more responsibilities as you get older. However, I am gently reminded that not all kids have this luxury of a carefree childhood. Some children are forced to grow up fast, to become adults quickly, and to face life head on at a very, very young age.

Throughout sips of hazelnut coffee with honey and spoonfuls of of tomato soup, I shared about my long drive home. I have this obsession (well, maybe it's a hobby, really), of taking pictures of sunsets. My family and I were returning home from visiting family for the day and there was this beautiful sunset that guided our way. The sunset was gray and cloudy on the right side, with a yellow streak speckled with pink and blue on the left side. Oh, how I so longed to snap a picture of the part of the sunset that had color!

As we drove, I saw a beautiful strip of pink ahead. I wanted a picture of that, too! I was struck by the thought: sometimes, I want to be in the vicinity of the color when the reality is that I have to first travel through the gray clouds. I can't just accelerate my car to snap a picture of the yellow and speckles in hopes of arriving faster to the pink. The gray clouds are a journey that I am required to participate in, the yellow and speckles are the hope that takes my hand, and the pink, ah, the pink, is the promise that sits patiently waiting for me to arrive.

See, I can't hurry through a journey. It's simply not the destination that matters; it's all of the experiences in between that help to shape the outcome of the journey. It's those vital and important pieces that form your identity and make you the person that you were created to be.

So, as I travel in my car of life, with the gray on my right and the color on my left, and the pink straight ahead, I am reminded that I am loved. So, here's some questions that I have pondered and you might, too:

-What are you waiting for?
-What & where are your "gray clouds?"
-What are the "yellow and speckled colors" of hope in your life?
-What's the pink promise that lay ahead?

And finally, how do you feel about waiting?

Thoughts on food, risks, and romance

Since I last posted, I have continued to learn more about myself. However, I am not naive to think that I will ever stop learning about myself, life, or people.

So, what have I been learning?

First off, a lot about risk-taking. Risk-taking in terms of letting go of old habits, old ways, and people.

Learning about the value of moving on. Instead of hanging on to a pile of dead roses, letting go of them. Keeping the memory, but looking ahead to the future, to today, to right now.

Eating healthier. Really monitoring what goes into my body and asking myself questions before I eat such as "why am I eating this?" "Is this beneficial to me right now?" "Can I be making a better food choice instead?"

Valuing the people that I surround myself with. Really focusing on them and both the input and influence that they have in my life and I in theirs.

Learning that students are the greatest teachers. That laughing and having fun all within the context of learning are vital to a child's growth. Treating them as a person encourages their growth and establishes purpose.

And, more recently, about marriage and relationships. . . . . . .

Knowing that my husband will arrive when the time is ripe and ready for harvest. That I can take comfort in ceasing the search - knowing full well that God has a chosen man who will walk alongside me and I in him for years to come. That he will value me as a woman, as a wife, and as a future mother just as I plan to value him as a man, as a husband, and as the future father of our children. He will ultimately not be the person that "completes" me, as society often encourages us to believe, but rather, one who is completed in God, because of His saving love on the cross. My husband's love should not be showcased, but should be a love that overflows from his heart because of his divine humility. I want a man who will love me for who I am, not for my work. I want a human being who has faults, but is desperately working to come to terms with his sinful nature and thus, working to overcome them day by day. I want a man who enjoys being with me - and, one who is eager to watch me grow in God. I want a man who I can support and who can support me. I long for a man who is grounded in Jesus, and who finds his value and his worth in Him. I seek a man who not only "walks the walk" but "talks the talk." One that is efficient, reliable, and trustworthy. I seek a man that does not have an E-harmony profile, but one who is eagerly profiling the women in search of the best fit. I want a man who is praying for me, and I for him. I want a man that, like a pair of jeans you put on that fits so perfectly, I get the same feeling from. I want a man who is caring and not afraid to shed a tear (or tears!). I want a man who has a sympathetic heart towards all and who touches the lives of all those he interacts with. I want a man like Boaz with a relationship like his and Ruth's.

So, as the "Lady in Waiting", I wait; for him, for my Boaz. I want a man who sees my singleness not as something to take away from me, but as something to learn more about. Until then, I want to be an influence for other single women, and I pray that my life might exemplify Jesus and point all toward God. I know that someday, somewhere, my husband and I will finally meet. Perhaps he's someone I have known all along, perhaps he's someone who knows very little about me. Either way, a friendship is bound to form. This future that I long for will not just be a new chapter in  my life, but simply an addition to all that God has blessed me with thus far.

My Goals

I've been trying to figure out what to write on here for the past several days. Yet, every time I come to this part, I draw a blank. Alas, let's try this again.

Here are some goals I have for the next month.

1.) A daily, regular quiet time with God.
2.) Less time checking my phone for text messages/emails/etc.
3.) Weekly time writing poetry.
4.) Weekly time for leisure reading.
5.) Regular time journaling.
6.) Fruitfully using this season of singleness for good - to use my testimony to help other women and, to use what I've learned to help me set clear expectations for what I look for in a man.
7.) Continuing to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables on a daily basis.
8.) Caring for those around me in a tangible and giving way.

For those who have never set short-term or long-term goals, I encourage you to try. Share your thoughts with the people who hold you accountable. And, feel free to post your goals here.

Happy Saturday!

The Intersection Between Leisure and Work

Today was absolutely wonderful!

I learned about the intersection between leisure and work. I was able to set aside time for a friend (that during my regular work week, would be challenging for me to do) and was able to complete some school work. I wasn't worried about the "next thing" to go to or being on a set time schedule. In fact, one of the main things that I learned about life today is that I am able to accomplish required work while at the same time, doing things for myself. 

For example, this morning I went to the gym. I was able to relax while working out, without having to think about the next meeting to go to or tutoring session to attend. It is an activity that is both enjoyable and beneficial for me to partake in. And I really think that each and every one of us needs at least one activity to participate in on a daily basis. Whether it is reading one or two chapters of a favorite book, listening to some music, writing, playing a musical instrument, doing a sport, drawing, the possibilities are endless. Schedule this time in your agenda each day with one day completely free from work and intentionally set aside for rest.  

Try it - and share your comments here. 

The Fifth Day

Day five without any social media.

I'm learning about the importance of filling my life with things that matter:

friends,
home cooked meals,
laughter,
pancakes,
long conversations,
happiness,
accountability,
community,
rest.

May you be encouraged to invest in a friend's life this week. May your activities know no time, be intentional, and truly life-giving.

Springtime in my Soul

"Springtime in my Soul."

That's what was spoken by a friend at the Ash Wednesday Service I attended last night. This really stayed with me - that a person's soul is capable of having life even when something (like a habit) is taken away. The "springtime" aspect gives me the hope that this separation won't last forever. There is an end in sight but it is the process, or the things that we learn along the way, that truly matter the most.

Today, I didn't really miss being connected to social media. In all honesty, the ability to "disconnect" and focus on a desire deep within that mattered (teaching, family, rest) - that was/is the key. There were times where I looked at my phone and wondered about what was going on with my friends, but then I was gently reminded that I can call them, talk to them, or schedule a coffee date with them. Ahh, the essence of being personal! Granted, not every day I will feel focused to participate in something completely opposite of my habits that I've called my own for such a long period of time. I do know, however, that our society lacks that person-ability in a world so dominated by tweets, texts, status updates, and pictures. Every time I look to snap a picture of the latest beautiful sunrise or sunset, I think to myself: "Just enjoy it." Historically, cameras were a luxury that captured significant moments in people's lives. What's the point of documenting every little bit of my life in pictures and broadcasting it to a world that I forget to acknowledge the beauty and creativity behind it all?

My hope is that you would see the "springtime" in your soul - whether you've called the cold wintry climate your home for years or have seen snippets of spring frolic in your life. Be open to the blossoming and buds, and allow the warm sunshine heat up your soul in the days ahead.