Waiting for...

Waiting can manifest in various forms such as waiting for the sun to rise, waiting for a grade on a reasearch paper, waiting for a phone call from a signifcant other. Waiting is something that I have learned tremendously about this summer.

Before understanding all about this abstract concept of "waiting", at times completely foreign to me, I'd frequently analyze situations. Instances at school, work, or with friends would provoke me to think about these scenarios and ask the infinte "What if'" questions. Thus, I would incessantly dwell on minute things allowing uncertainty, doubt, fear of the future, anxiety, and a complete sense of nervousness to creep in unnannounced.

Learning to "lock" that door would follow.

Soon, I merged into the sea of waiting. There, I found other people who were waiting, like me, and realized that after all these preconceived notions rooted in doubt that fizzed around in my head like a soda can that has been shaken up, were truly fairy tales. None of which came true.

From my experience, waiting is like riding a bicycle. A child, for example, may fall off numerous times while learning but will always try again. Such was my experience at trying new things or exercising a talent that I wanted to put into fruition.

So, what's God's purpose for having you wait?

Where Has the Time Gone?

As I was cleaning out my closet today, I came across several "old" artifacts. Well, "old" in the sense that they are unique to my life. I recalled high school memories in old emails with friends, half - completed math problems in penciled notebooks, and an old picture of a weekend retreat with smiling, carefree teenagers staring back at me. As I held this picture in my hands, the following question crossed my mind:

where has the time gone?

It is true that I am very happy with this new chapter in my life. I'm grateful to all those who I have met and new experiences that help to further shape my character. But, I can't help recalling the past and assuming how easy life seemed. Or rather, was I not fully aware of how quickly life captures you in its wings? Or how easy it is to get innocently swept up in the minute details, the small infractures, the careless items of a world that constantly craves more?

Yet at the end of the day, it's simply the memories that last with a spoonful of lessons comprised in a mixture of future hope.

It turns out that cleaning just might be the best medicine.

Thoughts from afar

The psalms speak quite extensively about God's relationship with his creation and the promises that he willingly provides without question.

such as:

God will always be with us regardless of hardship, joy, impatience, passiveness, optimism;
He doesn't choose when to be available, he just is.
Unlike our days and friends which change with each passing hour, God remains the same; in that, he is forever loving, compassionate, and all - knowing.

This concept took me a long time to understand, and, I must admit that sometimes a sea of doubt creeps in. It usually catches me by surprise and I act based upon my present feelings that, yes, are ever-changing. It's when I experiencethe pessimism slowing invading my life, that God works.

Well, he's been working throughout the situation. It's only now that I've noticed his presence as my focus shifts from the impending chaotic catastrophe that I have created in my head, to God's daily reminders and lasting promises:

-he will always be with me
-never leaving nor forsaking me
-he has plans to give me a hope and a future
-he delights in praises unto his name
-

From personal experience, I have discovered these things. That God smiles down on us when we offer a small dose of kindness, whether a "how are you today?" at the grocery store, a "thank you" at the gas station, or a simple note to a friend to remind them that you care. An act that seems quite simple to us may have a profound impact on another person. I invite you to open your heart and your mind to a new way of looking at daily life through the eyes of Jesus.

peace, hope, and love

so,

I haven't written in a while.

here are some thoughts from my inquiring mind.

peace, hope, and love.

what is the meaning of these three things?

perhaps the meaning depends on the indivdual person.

perhaps the meaning deviates from the person and transcends to an entire group of people; families, children, elders, teachers, bussinessmen, writers, musicians, construction workers, cashiers, photographers.

perhaps the meaning of the word "peace" has different implications for a businessman than for a teacher. Perhaps a businessman is at peace when he receives a large paycheck at the end of the week. perhaps a teacher is at peace when a child finally understands classroom material.

maybe a musician is "hopeful" when he gets to sign a million dollar contract with a famous record label. hopefulness for a writer might be publishing a first book.

a family may experience "love" when everyone escapes unharmed from a housefire. elders may view love as a life commitment, a devotion to each other, evident through their unconditional daily love.

you may ask, what does hope mean to you? an ability to be satisfied with the present but always looking to the future journey's that life brings. peace is an inner ability to feel comfort and contentment when things around me are going beautifully well and when events around me appear to be exploding in the dark balck night of the sky. and love, well love, is to see a person and automatically love them as Jesus does, to look past their inherent faults that appear to consume and define them and to their soul, as a child of God. Only god can provide you with this precious gift of love, something that constantly needs to be renewed everyday.

a passage

Psalm 146

Praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord , my soul.
I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground;
on that very day their plans come to nothing.
Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord their God.
He is the maker of heaven and earth,
the sea, and everything in them-
he remians faithful forever.
He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry.
The Lord sets prisoners free,
the Lord gives sight to the blind,
the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down,
the Lord loves the righteous.
The Lord watches over the foreigner
and sustains the fatherless and the widow,
but he frustrates the ways of the wicked.
The Lord reigns forever,
your God, O Zion, for all generations.

Praise the Lord.

do not put trust in the things that will not last.
instead find full trust and commitment in God.
the end of this passage is so inspriing becuase it focuses just on God.
just on the things that he is capable of fulfilling himself. Its "the Lord" who loves, its "the Lord" who "sets prisoners free," its "the Lord who remains faithful forever."

even through betrayal, its the Lord who still stays in this commited, forever friendship.

the bible has so much stuff in it that speaks to so many different things. it's amazing that his word can speak to so many situations and people at the same time.
it lets me know, that its truly god speaking.
truly him talking, breathing, and living alongside me, with me very single day.
this is an amazing truthful promise for life.

Words of Wisdom

"Learn as if you were going to live forever."

~ Mahatma Gandhi

a love that is wider than rainbows

ever wonder what its like to be released in the arms of god?

to be touched and held and loved

all the while led away from hurt and brokenness

and led straight to god?

to a person who loves you unconditionally,

to a person who loves you just because

he does.

not by anything that you did

but by god's simple yet extreme love for you?

his love heals and mends all hurts

and best of all

it lasts forever.

its free.

resting in your presence

today, im so tired.

i wish i could roll back into bed, and pull the covers over my head and go back to sleep.

to sleep peacefully without a care in the world.

you know those times when you just want to sleep in, when your body needs that relaxation, that care, in order to cope with the day?

that what i need.

just simple rest.

My Life Is Yours

"Take my will and make it thine,
It shall be no longer mine;
Take my heart--it is thine own,
It shall be thy royal throne."

~Frances Ridley Havergal

My Worries

I laid awake in bed last night thinking of all the things that worried me. I thought it would be helpful to see this list face-to-face.

Things that Worry Me

1. Finding a husband
2. Graduating
3. Finding a job
4. Meeting current class deadlines
5. Catching up on class reading
6. Conflict with my family
7. Providing sufficiently for my future family
8. My grandfather eventually passing away
9. and how my family and I will react to the short-term and long-term consequences
10. Will I get everything done?
11. Am I missing out on all that God has for me today?
12. Working too much and resting too little
13. Letting work control my life rather than His Spirit