"The Furious Love of God"

"My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it."

~ The Ragamuffin Gospel

Brennan Manning

(p. 25)

Release Me

Lately, I have been learning about humility and sacrifice.

To be humble is more than just relinquishing power and fulfilling the requests of another individual. Humility is asking to honestly see life from a perspective different than yours. Humility doesn't ask "What can I do?" but rather "What does God require of me?" A humble person is one who goes the extra mile for a neighbor; not because he/she has to or it is the right thing to do but because its a lifestyle. Humility does the ridiculous for a friend, a stranger, an enemy.

A person who expresses humility looks in the eyes of a person and sees Jesus. Lord, I want to see your reflection not in the pond as a wrinkled and temporary shadow, but as a real person with flesh and blood, breath and desire staring back at me. May the mirror be a mosaic of you and your people. Teach me how to walk barefoot with humility everyday. Show me your blisters so that I may begin to understand how to truly love. Let me experience your blisters. Show me what it is like to "love until it hurts." Teach me how to live with less and show me that it is more than I need.

Humility begets sacrifice. Sacrifice does not merely give people things; sacrifice literally gives up the needs of ourselves for someone else.

An example of sacrifice that I am constantly reminded of is that of Abraham and Issac. Here is the true story of a father, Abraham, who responds to God's call to sacrifice his son, Issac. Yet, right when Abraham is standing over his son, he hears the voice of the Lord beckoning him to stop. God not only saw his humility and sacrifice but recognized that his heart was aligned with God's. This test drew Abraham and God closer together, allowed Abraham to see the soverignity of God's rule, and let Abraham put the needs of his son first.

Truthfully, I don't know if I could sacrifice my only child. However, I think that sacrifice comes in ways that we may not expect. In his book, The Challenge of Jesus, N.T. Wright describes the "kingdom of God." Historical research shows that the Jews were not expecting the kingdom of God nor the return from their exile to manifest in the way that it did. Sometimes our view of humility and sacrifice may be quite different than what god had in mind.

Give me the ability to surrender my daily life to you, so that your will is fully exposed as raw and true, loving and beautiful.

swing girl

an empty swing hangs between two worn metal bars.
the wind is the only evidence that memories still remain.
eagerly, the girl climbs onto the black seat waiting for her father's protective hands to give her a firm push into the land of the unknown.
time transforms the child into a teenager
who no longer wants her father to push her
but would rather use her mud-streaked white sneakers to push herself.
observing this gift of independence, her father silently sits on the park bench to watch this youthful girl with long blonde hair pumping her feet into a big world.
graduations, marriages and children skip into and out of this woman's life.
this lonely swing still hangs motionless
waiting for his friend.
the swing that brought her joy and freedom as a child.
the metal rings feel cold on her wrinkled hands.
she swings back and forth with more effort though
that spirit for life still pumps blood to her heart.
she longs for someone to push her.
yet, when she looks behind her,
she sees only a shadow of man who once was.

(*an original poem written by alex)

iris

a color that does not fade when the sun goes to sleep,
a color that remains for the whole world to see.

a color that confidently stands in the gray rainstorms

true to itself and to the one who created it.

a color that does not wonder "why" but rather "what is?"

a color that accepts differences and sows seeds of radical love.

a color who looks in the eyes of a friend, stranger or a child and

sees herself.

a color whose heart is burdened for the homeless and the poverty in our state, country and world.

a color who desperately longs to see our government wipe the tears of the oppressed away by passing the bill of "Love."

a color who stands out in the rain,

sponge soaked and wet with remorse for the hatred that has been done to her.

a color that looks the hurt in the eye and says:

"I forgive."

because sometimes, life is not always black and white.

sometimes, a little color is thrown in to the mix.

* a poem written by alex. (14 May 2010)

photograph

life is like a photograph.
the "captured moment" may appear self-explanatory but is it?
is there more going on that we don't know about, that we have left to uncover?
what are the people's emotions, what are they thinking about, how do they view life?
instead of looking at a photograph from the angle that i have been seeing it all along,
God has taken his hand and turned the picture around.
now, it is not my perspective that i view but His.

Beauty: Is it Only Skin Deep or Is There Something More?

Some people can gain everything and have nothing.

Appearances don't always accurately describe a person's true feelings.
Materialistic items; popularity, wealth, the latest car, a huge diamond ring, $30,000 shoes, a mansion.
These items may look physically appealing but the truth is, they don't last.
What if the simple things were attractive?
Instead of the Mercedes capturing commercials, what if laughter did?
Happiness doesn't come in a bottle of pills.
People initiate hugs, emotions, compassion, love.
What if you picked up the newspaper to see a field or a row of trees on the front page?
Why is it that these things which bring us happiness are so often overlooked?
Could it be that our priorities are a little skewed? A little slanted?
Appearance is superificial.

A friend once told me this about marriage:
Imagine what your spouse or significant other will look like 20 years from now. Will he or she still be beautiful? Will their beauty always come from the inside or will they be constantly searching for beauty in the latest wrinkle cream?

Lord, help me to be satisfied with the simple. The chirping birds, the dog that barks, the baby who cries. Let me see with your eyes that these items reflect your nature. That they are meant to produce love and affection and wholeness and peace. Whenever I doubt your grace, let me know that I'm covered.

Silence

sometimes, a lack of words speak louder than conversation.
sometimes, the silence is all that a person needs to be healed.
sometimes, listening is the only solution.

Love Letter

Standing outside in a white summer dress
with the warm sunshine radiating upon my pale back,
I look up at the blue sky mixed with the shapely white clouds,
while my toes make grand introductions to the rough granules of sand.

My footprints create a still life portrait of a girl who once was
of feet that once were, before the water washed her life away.

She finds herself in pursuit of a man,
a man who she assumes to be her father.

For every one of her strides, he takes two.
Always a step ahead of her, she is often consumed by the song of the wind.
His whisper is faint and his words, powerful.

His love letters are always S.W.A.K.
He paints the morning
and pulls the curtains at nighttime.
He gives life to the dying
and to the living, new perspectives.
He sends a message via prayer and a hug in the arms of a friend.
His embrace is found sitting on the grass,
listening to a world pass by
and yet involved with it all.

He always has the right words to say.
They are not coated with clutter
but loaded with substance.
Only a few words make her heart skip a beat;
make that Love Letter all the more personal:

"I love you."

(a poem written by Alex)

"Don't Assume You Know It All"

Proverbs 3: 1-12 (The Message)

"Good friend, don't forget all I've taught you;
take to heart my commands.
They'll help you live a long, long time,
a long life lived full and well.

Don't lose your grip on Love and Loyalty.
Tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart.
Earn a reputation for living well
in God's eyes and the eyes of the people.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
your wine vats will brim over.
But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline;
don't sulk under his loving correction.
It's the child he loves that God corrects;
a father's delight is behind all this."

Recently, this passage has been knocking at my door. My heart longs to fulfill these things but sometimes, I feel reluctant. So, I've been asking myself these questions all week:

-Where have I assumed that I know it all?
-Which areas of my life do I honestly need God's loving discipline?

Reflection in writing and silence helps me to hear God. I feel so in tune with God when I write. I fall in love with words as I witness their unique curves on paper. Every thought turns into a stroke, which turns into a letter, which makes a word, which produces a sentence, which reveals the thought that lay floating in my mind. Words are a language. They are a form of expression. A pen makes them come alive on paper. Just like a baby takes its first breath, words are the key to a person's heart. If a person is loving, such complimentary actions will follow. If a person uses hurt as a form of communication, their words will express their agony and brokenness inside.

May we be humble enough to hear someone's cry for love, this simple love that looks and does not judge.

A love that hugs and does not kill.
A love that sees right through to a person's inner being and feels absolutely no shame.
A love that resembles a husband who looks at his wife and falls in love with her every day.
A love that enjoys spending time with a person. No words are needed here.
A love that witnesses the anguish and decides to act.
A love that just is.

Let Go

i'm being taken into the unknown and
learning the meaning of trust,
how to trust
and when to let go of the balloon.
does the scary outweigh the exciting
or
does the exciting outweigh the scary
or both?
my friends in high school used to jokingly say the phrase:
"Trust is the key."
can the unknown be familiar?
can the unknown be attractive?
can the unknown be beautiful?
can a friendship that's lasted so long seem like its only beginning?
is there a time where you can fully know a person?
is there a time where you can fully know God?
i say nay to the latter, for if I try to define God in exquisite words and wrap my mind around his infinite beauty then I am only creating a picture of a 'god' that I wish to see.
i need to worship God for who he is; that is,
the creator of all things,
the sky, the daffodils, the lillies, the grazing cows, and the crying baby.
the God who makes sadness beauty and who gives breath to a dying human neighbor.
a God who is not limitless but reaches his arms out to sew the barriers between race, culture and class.
i worship a God who is greater than myself.
i trust when I feel uncertain.
i believe when I am unbelieving.
i hope when situations are hopeless.
i love when i feel unloving.
i trust in knowing that God has me exactly where I am meant to be.

Amen.

(a poem and prayer written by alex)
(to see this image its original context, click reading.