For a while, it seemed that I was missing out on the most "important" aspect of life. I was so focused and concentrated on finding that "special someone". I put a lot of my energy into this, and with that, neglected all of the beautiful things going on around me. I often felt that God had forgotten about me and spent a lot of time wondering and asking
"When is my time going to come?"
"When will I experience what my friends are experiencing?"
"Is there something wrong with me?"
You see, all that I saw around me was my friends in their early to mid-20's, engaged (sometimes, quite literally) in couply things: like date nights, weddings, engagements, etc. All of these milestones that life was giving them, I was not experiencing. I often felt in a strange place as a single woman.
It wasn't until about 6 months ago that I finally felt comfortable with myself as a single woman. I finally realized that some of the good and beautiful things like marriage (or the "M- word", as I like to call to it), date nights, and couply outings, were not happening because of me, but because I just simply hadn't crossed that particular path yet. And for once, I was okay with that. Because, for once, I was finally comfortable with myself and who I was created to be.
I realized that society has this way of dictating to us how we should live our lives, particularly with women. I'm not sure if you have ever experienced this at all, but the media shoves a lot of "adult-like" responsibilities our way that we haven't crossed yet. I often wonder about the short and long-term effects that society feeds young women about adulthood, the mediums through which these messages travel (via computer, magazine, television, music, internet, etc.) and how these women change as a result of this unhealthy nutrition.
For me, I knew who I was in God, but I wasn't truly comfortable in that. The past few days, I have experienced this incredible comfort in my identity, in who I am. I no longer attend social gatherings with the mindset of "looking for someone." My perspective on this whole issue has changed.
For example, while my friends planned their perfect "date outfit," I was talking to God about how I felt as a single woman. I feel that these past 6 months have been quite a growth experience for me. I slowly drifted away from thinking all the time about my "dream guy" to prayers that were less self-driven and more outward focused on my friends, my family, my parents, being faithful to Jesus, etc. My attitude towards life also changed, too. I often came home from social gatherings with friends downcast at times because "so-and-so didn't talk to me", when in reality, I was trying to cross a road that I was not ready for.
Here's an analogy: it was like I was trying to cross a road with cars passing in front of me. I so desperately wanted to get to the other side (because that's where the majority of my friends were). Looking back, I craved their lives rather than focusing on my own.
Within this half a year, I have grown personally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I do not say this with an "oh, look at me!" mindset but with a humble heart, knowing from personal experience that I have truly been blessed by Jesus. I have been very careful and intentional about what I am putting into my body in terms of nutrition and equally as faithful with keeping myself fit at the gym. I have been trying new things and conquering obstacles.
I have been able to bless other single women with my "story", though I don't even consider it a story, really, but a true reflection of the journey that God has taken me on. God has also equally blessed me with wonderful women who are in healthy relationships and how to learn from them. I have re-examined my life as a single woman not as something to feel bad about but as something to fully embrace. Because, only one "Alexandra Believes" will ever navigate on this journey. (:
A friend recently pointed out to me, that she was excited that I have been able to be single, because I'm able to connect with other single women in a way that women who are in relationships may not have the ability to. I've really enjoyed observing, listening to, and asking questions from my friends who have been in relationships and those who are in them currently about that particular "path." This same friend also shared that once I am in a relationship, I will be experiencing a lot of "firsts." Which, in and of itself, is pretty neat, because I have nothing else to compare him (or the relationship), to. In a way, it will be my new path of "firsts," something exciting and nerve racking all at the same time.
I do not regret any of this time that I have spent as a single woman. I have enjoyed the freedom that it brings. I've also truly enjoyed the times that I've spent (and continue) to spend with God. Finally, I've enjoyed the moments where I've felt truly comfortable in how God created me. I've come to the realization that women do not need a man to define their worth or who they are in society, but that a true and proper understanding of themselves will only come through time spent with Jesus.
This season of singleness has helped me to be able to transition for when that special man walks across that path to meet me, too.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Monday, July 15, 2013
#10 - humility
Again and again I am reminded that I cannot (nor should I try), to do it all on my own.
This is quite a challenging statement for some to grasp. The belief that, as a human, I do not have the ability to control the things around me regardless of how hard I try, is hard to follow through at times. We have all experienced this belief that we've "got it all together." But the reality is, we don't. We are broken human beings in need of love, support, and people. We are called to recall the one who does have it all together: Jesus. The simple act of calling on his name may be the very thing that brings you to your knees.
Today, I was humbly reminded that I am young, I am learning, and I need to be flexible with the circumstances that I find myself in at any given time. I find myself at a point in my life where I am (again) learning how to be "content" without having a road map. A friend once put it like this: "I need to trust that the pilot of a plane knows how to fly the plane better than I do. Will I trust the pilot or my own devices?" In a similar way, I need to trust in Jesus - to get me through life's challenging obstacles, to rejoice at the tops of mountain peaks, and to weep alongside the feet of those who are experiencing deep sorrow.
In some ways, humility can be likened to that of a group task. Humility takes support and a lowering of oneself - a wiping away of all standards that you have set in an effort to see things from a completely different perspective. The support of a trusted community AND the encouragement of that particular group of people is so important and vital to your growth as a person. I would argue, in fact, that humility needs both a lessening of oneself and encouragement (or reminders of who you are - identity) in order to fully blossom. Your trusted community of family, friends, coworkers, spouse - they all need to remind you of your place in the world, they need to encourage you, and they need to remind you of your identity. For followers of Jesus, it is reminding yourself through scripture, accountability, people, etc. that you are, indeed, a daughter or a son of God, the Creator of the world. Regardless of your spiritual journey, I would humbly suggest to you that we are all in need of some restructuring of our positions in society every now and then, as well as the continual support and encouragement from family.
Peace.
This is quite a challenging statement for some to grasp. The belief that, as a human, I do not have the ability to control the things around me regardless of how hard I try, is hard to follow through at times. We have all experienced this belief that we've "got it all together." But the reality is, we don't. We are broken human beings in need of love, support, and people. We are called to recall the one who does have it all together: Jesus. The simple act of calling on his name may be the very thing that brings you to your knees.
Today, I was humbly reminded that I am young, I am learning, and I need to be flexible with the circumstances that I find myself in at any given time. I find myself at a point in my life where I am (again) learning how to be "content" without having a road map. A friend once put it like this: "I need to trust that the pilot of a plane knows how to fly the plane better than I do. Will I trust the pilot or my own devices?" In a similar way, I need to trust in Jesus - to get me through life's challenging obstacles, to rejoice at the tops of mountain peaks, and to weep alongside the feet of those who are experiencing deep sorrow.
In some ways, humility can be likened to that of a group task. Humility takes support and a lowering of oneself - a wiping away of all standards that you have set in an effort to see things from a completely different perspective. The support of a trusted community AND the encouragement of that particular group of people is so important and vital to your growth as a person. I would argue, in fact, that humility needs both a lessening of oneself and encouragement (or reminders of who you are - identity) in order to fully blossom. Your trusted community of family, friends, coworkers, spouse - they all need to remind you of your place in the world, they need to encourage you, and they need to remind you of your identity. For followers of Jesus, it is reminding yourself through scripture, accountability, people, etc. that you are, indeed, a daughter or a son of God, the Creator of the world. Regardless of your spiritual journey, I would humbly suggest to you that we are all in need of some restructuring of our positions in society every now and then, as well as the continual support and encouragement from family.
Peace.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
# 9 - comfort vs. vulnerability
I like to be comfortable.
Correction. Maybe "love" is a better word.
I love to be comfortable.
Then again, life isn't always about being comfortable.
There are parts of our lives where we are called to be comfortable, to live in and with people, places, things and times that are familiar to us. However, there are those people, places, things, and times as equally as important, and even more so, I would argue, that cause us to step out of the comfort and into the vulnerability.
Comfort connotes that one desires to be in a place that one is familiar with. Comfort suggests that I make the choice to be involved with these people, places, things, and ideas. Vulnerability connotes that I desire (either by my own choice or not) to step out of the familiar and into a time and a space that is not my own. It is unfamiliar in the fact that I may be uncomfortable with the uncertainty and unknown parts of this person, place, or thing. On the other hand, vulnerability forces me to try something new: that is, to get to know a new person, new place, or a new thing. When every part of me resists the vulnerability or the uncomfortableness of this change (and believe me, it has), I fight. Hard. So much so, that I sometimes fall flat on my face in the circle of life, all because I am becoming introduced to something new.
Now, there are some differences between comfort and vulnerability. I would first argue that comfort can be broken down into two parts:
1) Comfort that is healthy
2) Comfort that is unhealthy.
In much the same way, vulnerability can be broken down into two parts:
1) Vulnerability that is healthy.
2) Vulnerability that is unhealthy.
If you are confused, let me being by explaining my thinking and logic on these two very different, yet very important, concepts.
First, let's tackle comfort that is healthy. Right now, I am sitting in a coffee shop. I am comfortable sitting in this coffee shop. I have my coffee, my blueberries and carrot sticks, my computer, my phone, and my books. One could say that I am comfortable. (Keep in mind, however, that my possessions should, in no way, define who I am. But, more on that in a future post.)
In dealing with comfort that is unhealthy - Let's take this same coffee shop. I have all of my possessions like books and coffee, with me. I would be considered (at least in my own thinking), to be experiencing "unhealthy comfort" if I was in this scenario all of the time. For example, I would be demonstrating that I am experiencing unhealthy comfort because I have refused to try and move to another location, like type at the mall, or in a park, or on a mountaintop.
In terms of vulnerability, a person can experience one of two types as explained above: vulnerability that is healthy and vulnerability that is unhealthy. Take, for example, a first date. A guy and a girl start off their relationship as friends and then they gradually discover that they have romantic feelings for each other. They decide that the next logical step is to go out on a date. This type of situation may be considered for some, healthy vulnerability. A typical guy asks a typical girl out. This act requires the guy to step out of the comfort of "just friends" and into a more deeper and defined relationship. In essence, the guy is putting himself out there for the girl to either reject or accept his invitation. I call this situation, "healthy vulnerability."
On the flip side, there is also, "unhealthy vulnerability." Let's take this scenario of this typical guy and this typical girl once more. Say this typical girl accepted the invitation of this first date. During the date, this typical girl tempts this typical guy by using flirtatious techniques that are very difficult for this guy to resist. This interaction makes the typical guy feel uncomfortable, and thus, the date itself feels incredibly awkward. This is an example of "unhealthy vulnerability." The girl put herself out there for the guy way too much at a time when their relationship was just beginning.
In life, I think we can all agree that we have experienced instances of healthy and unhealthy comfort and healthy and unhealthy vulnerability. It is important to reflect and learn from these situations, whether we are currently experiencing them now or whether they happened in the past. Equally important, is the ability to learn from and grow from these experiences. Some of us may feel comfortable sharing our situations with others in order to hold ourselves accountable and/or to help others going through the same thing(s).
This week, I encourage you to journal and talk with a trusted friend about your comforts and vulnerability experiences, in order to grow and learn from them.
Correction. Maybe "love" is a better word.
I love to be comfortable.
Then again, life isn't always about being comfortable.
There are parts of our lives where we are called to be comfortable, to live in and with people, places, things and times that are familiar to us. However, there are those people, places, things, and times as equally as important, and even more so, I would argue, that cause us to step out of the comfort and into the vulnerability.
Comfort connotes that one desires to be in a place that one is familiar with. Comfort suggests that I make the choice to be involved with these people, places, things, and ideas. Vulnerability connotes that I desire (either by my own choice or not) to step out of the familiar and into a time and a space that is not my own. It is unfamiliar in the fact that I may be uncomfortable with the uncertainty and unknown parts of this person, place, or thing. On the other hand, vulnerability forces me to try something new: that is, to get to know a new person, new place, or a new thing. When every part of me resists the vulnerability or the uncomfortableness of this change (and believe me, it has), I fight. Hard. So much so, that I sometimes fall flat on my face in the circle of life, all because I am becoming introduced to something new.
Now, there are some differences between comfort and vulnerability. I would first argue that comfort can be broken down into two parts:
1) Comfort that is healthy
2) Comfort that is unhealthy.
In much the same way, vulnerability can be broken down into two parts:
1) Vulnerability that is healthy.
2) Vulnerability that is unhealthy.
If you are confused, let me being by explaining my thinking and logic on these two very different, yet very important, concepts.
First, let's tackle comfort that is healthy. Right now, I am sitting in a coffee shop. I am comfortable sitting in this coffee shop. I have my coffee, my blueberries and carrot sticks, my computer, my phone, and my books. One could say that I am comfortable. (Keep in mind, however, that my possessions should, in no way, define who I am. But, more on that in a future post.)
In dealing with comfort that is unhealthy - Let's take this same coffee shop. I have all of my possessions like books and coffee, with me. I would be considered (at least in my own thinking), to be experiencing "unhealthy comfort" if I was in this scenario all of the time. For example, I would be demonstrating that I am experiencing unhealthy comfort because I have refused to try and move to another location, like type at the mall, or in a park, or on a mountaintop.
In terms of vulnerability, a person can experience one of two types as explained above: vulnerability that is healthy and vulnerability that is unhealthy. Take, for example, a first date. A guy and a girl start off their relationship as friends and then they gradually discover that they have romantic feelings for each other. They decide that the next logical step is to go out on a date. This type of situation may be considered for some, healthy vulnerability. A typical guy asks a typical girl out. This act requires the guy to step out of the comfort of "just friends" and into a more deeper and defined relationship. In essence, the guy is putting himself out there for the girl to either reject or accept his invitation. I call this situation, "healthy vulnerability."
On the flip side, there is also, "unhealthy vulnerability." Let's take this scenario of this typical guy and this typical girl once more. Say this typical girl accepted the invitation of this first date. During the date, this typical girl tempts this typical guy by using flirtatious techniques that are very difficult for this guy to resist. This interaction makes the typical guy feel uncomfortable, and thus, the date itself feels incredibly awkward. This is an example of "unhealthy vulnerability." The girl put herself out there for the guy way too much at a time when their relationship was just beginning.
In life, I think we can all agree that we have experienced instances of healthy and unhealthy comfort and healthy and unhealthy vulnerability. It is important to reflect and learn from these situations, whether we are currently experiencing them now or whether they happened in the past. Equally important, is the ability to learn from and grow from these experiences. Some of us may feel comfortable sharing our situations with others in order to hold ourselves accountable and/or to help others going through the same thing(s).
This week, I encourage you to journal and talk with a trusted friend about your comforts and vulnerability experiences, in order to grow and learn from them.
Monday, July 8, 2013
# 8: new beginnings
Well, I suppose I should be on # 12 in the series "24 things you may not know about me." But, life is consuming and time, fulfilling. For now, here's number 8: new beginnings.
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I love new beginnings.
I love the unexpectedness in not knowing what's around the corner.
I love the joy and happiness - comparable, to a relationship that's first starting to bloom; with the excitement and giddiness from both parties toward the other person.
I love the dreaming and the wondering of new beginnings.
I love how the whole world seems within reach -especially when you have great friends to share it with.
I love the butterflies in your stomach (the good kind).
In a way, new beginnings remind me of first dates. In the Hallmark movie, Remember Sunday (if you haven't seen this, you totally should), the man Gus, has a brain aneurysm that impacts his short-term memory. As a result, he has to relearn EVERYTHING each day. One day, he meets this woman, and they really like each other, but she doesn't know abut his medical condition until she becomes very attached to him. You get to witness their relationship develop over the course of the movie; he approaches each day with a fresh, new perspective and his girlfriend helps to expose him to new things everyday.
The way this man experiences new things and the way that this woman shows him, (in her own special way) to embrace the uniqueness of life, reminds me of myself. I approach each day with a new mindset (as challenging as it may be) but I also have a way about me that likes to explore and to try new things. For example, when my friends and I went to Newport, they encouraged me to try an oyster and to climb a lifeguard chair. I enjoyed the thrill and the newness of these tasks. And granted, it took me some time to muster up the confidence, but in the end, I am proud of myself that I did it!
New beginnings can be scary, yes, but they are also filled with limitless and profoundly beautiful possibilities.
Here's to new beginnings.
Cheers!
//////////
I love new beginnings.
I love the unexpectedness in not knowing what's around the corner.
I love the joy and happiness - comparable, to a relationship that's first starting to bloom; with the excitement and giddiness from both parties toward the other person.
I love the dreaming and the wondering of new beginnings.
I love how the whole world seems within reach -especially when you have great friends to share it with.
I love the butterflies in your stomach (the good kind).
In a way, new beginnings remind me of first dates. In the Hallmark movie, Remember Sunday (if you haven't seen this, you totally should), the man Gus, has a brain aneurysm that impacts his short-term memory. As a result, he has to relearn EVERYTHING each day. One day, he meets this woman, and they really like each other, but she doesn't know abut his medical condition until she becomes very attached to him. You get to witness their relationship develop over the course of the movie; he approaches each day with a fresh, new perspective and his girlfriend helps to expose him to new things everyday.
The way this man experiences new things and the way that this woman shows him, (in her own special way) to embrace the uniqueness of life, reminds me of myself. I approach each day with a new mindset (as challenging as it may be) but I also have a way about me that likes to explore and to try new things. For example, when my friends and I went to Newport, they encouraged me to try an oyster and to climb a lifeguard chair. I enjoyed the thrill and the newness of these tasks. And granted, it took me some time to muster up the confidence, but in the end, I am proud of myself that I did it!
New beginnings can be scary, yes, but they are also filled with limitless and profoundly beautiful possibilities.
Here's to new beginnings.
Cheers!
Thursday, July 4, 2013
# 7 - nostalgia
Nostalgia.
I feel as though today, I've been reliving parts of my childhood.
Cookouts.
Awe of seeing a mother and her ducklings swim across a sunset pond.
Old invitations from my 16th birthday party - - cosmic bowling!
Dinner at the pond.
Dance recitals at the park.
Nostalgia.
The innocence of childhood can be a beautiful thing. Just this morning, this Fourth of July felt different. And then, I figured it out: I am getting older. I was missing the excitement and joy of seeing my grandparents - and my relatives coming together when I was just a little girl, with blonde hair fashioned in a waterspout on top of my head. Now, we lead our own separate lives, but those memories are still there.
I miss watching the fireworks with my parents from our kitchen window, brilliantly glowing over our backyard. And though, our trees have grown just a little taller - I still eagerly look outside my window and see sparks of colorful fireworks dancing across the night sky.
Nostalgia.
Sleeping in the backseat on long car rides.
Watching the clouds change shape.
A reflection and stillness - that all (at least for now) is right with the world, and that I can finally relive those precious parts of my life, known as
nostalgia.
I feel as though today, I've been reliving parts of my childhood.
Cookouts.
Awe of seeing a mother and her ducklings swim across a sunset pond.
Old invitations from my 16th birthday party - - cosmic bowling!
Dinner at the pond.
Dance recitals at the park.
Nostalgia.
The innocence of childhood can be a beautiful thing. Just this morning, this Fourth of July felt different. And then, I figured it out: I am getting older. I was missing the excitement and joy of seeing my grandparents - and my relatives coming together when I was just a little girl, with blonde hair fashioned in a waterspout on top of my head. Now, we lead our own separate lives, but those memories are still there.
I miss watching the fireworks with my parents from our kitchen window, brilliantly glowing over our backyard. And though, our trees have grown just a little taller - I still eagerly look outside my window and see sparks of colorful fireworks dancing across the night sky.
Nostalgia.
Sleeping in the backseat on long car rides.
Watching the clouds change shape.
A reflection and stillness - that all (at least for now) is right with the world, and that I can finally relive those precious parts of my life, known as
nostalgia.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
# 6 - failed expectations
The past few nights I've woken from a sound sleep. Thoughts have been knocking on the confines of my head, such as past events, present troubles, and future concerns. Fits of tossing and turning and a spinning mind, have caused me to develop a new habit: write my thoughts down at 3 am on the "notes" app of my phone and talk to God about it. Most often, these times will turn into prayers.
One such issue that I am experiencing is that of failed expectations. Just to be upfront and honest, I fail. A lot. Now, I'm not saying this for people to look at me or to have a pity party or even for people to think less of me. What I am saying is that I am human. And, as a human, I make mistakes, I learn from them, and I try not to make the same mistakes again.
In some areas of my life, I am slow at learning. During my quiet time with God this morning, I read an excerpt from Jesus Calling, where Sarah Young talks about submitting our broken dreams over to God in exchange for his dreams for our lives. This is a very hard thing to do. Submitting control and trusting, are very challenging and adult topics to wrap our minds around (at least for me). Once we come to that place where we submit our own failed expectations of ourselves over to Jesus, change happens. It may not happen as quickly as we'd like, but it does. We may be very resistant to this type of change at first or we may even experience happiness and a longing for more. Either way, it's important to thank God for this revelation.
Within the past month or so, I have learned how to trust again. I trusted before, but it was a different kind of trust in which I placed my hopes in myself and not in Jesus, where it ultimately belonged. The results that I experienced were different and less fulfilling. When I finally decided to let myself trust and to be vulnerable again - I experienced genuine happiness. I was overjoyed that my vulnerability led to something even greater than myself. After that, I experienced hurt again, and learned how to trust once more.
I've come to learn that hurt and trust are cycles. In order to trust, one must be willing to let his or her guard down (in a healthy way), thus making themselves vulnerable to be hurt. Once we are hurt, we may retreat back into the comfort of our shells for a while, but ultimately, something draws our heads out again experience Jesus' love and longing for us.
All that I pray (hope for, really), is that the people that I've hurt, will forgive me. And for those who have hurt me, I say that, from the depths of my heart, you are forgiven.
One such issue that I am experiencing is that of failed expectations. Just to be upfront and honest, I fail. A lot. Now, I'm not saying this for people to look at me or to have a pity party or even for people to think less of me. What I am saying is that I am human. And, as a human, I make mistakes, I learn from them, and I try not to make the same mistakes again.
In some areas of my life, I am slow at learning. During my quiet time with God this morning, I read an excerpt from Jesus Calling, where Sarah Young talks about submitting our broken dreams over to God in exchange for his dreams for our lives. This is a very hard thing to do. Submitting control and trusting, are very challenging and adult topics to wrap our minds around (at least for me). Once we come to that place where we submit our own failed expectations of ourselves over to Jesus, change happens. It may not happen as quickly as we'd like, but it does. We may be very resistant to this type of change at first or we may even experience happiness and a longing for more. Either way, it's important to thank God for this revelation.
Within the past month or so, I have learned how to trust again. I trusted before, but it was a different kind of trust in which I placed my hopes in myself and not in Jesus, where it ultimately belonged. The results that I experienced were different and less fulfilling. When I finally decided to let myself trust and to be vulnerable again - I experienced genuine happiness. I was overjoyed that my vulnerability led to something even greater than myself. After that, I experienced hurt again, and learned how to trust once more.
I've come to learn that hurt and trust are cycles. In order to trust, one must be willing to let his or her guard down (in a healthy way), thus making themselves vulnerable to be hurt. Once we are hurt, we may retreat back into the comfort of our shells for a while, but ultimately, something draws our heads out again experience Jesus' love and longing for us.
All that I pray (hope for, really), is that the people that I've hurt, will forgive me. And for those who have hurt me, I say that, from the depths of my heart, you are forgiven.
Monday, July 1, 2013
# 5 - scents
There are some smells that I really like.
I love walking outside to experience the smell of rain just after a storm.
I love the smell of freshly cut grass.
I love the smell of notebooks and of bindings that haven't been cracked yet. I always feel inspired to write right then and there. Oh, and new pens are always a plus, too!
A little bit of cologne on a guy is nice - just as long as it's not so overpowering that he took a bath in it. It's just comforting to have a little hint of it on his shirt. Just so that you know he's there with you.
I love the smell of grilled, stewed, or pan-friend vegetables.
I love the smell of scented candles.
I love the smell of ocean water, with a tinge of sea salt (or seaweed) in the air. So, when I close my eyes and take a deep breath, I know that I am at the ocean.
Bath & Body's Warm Vanilla Sugar hand lotion smells amazing! Though for a while now, I've been buying the unscented because it's so much cheaper.
And with these loves, there also comes some, well, dislikes. (or, things that I prefer).
I dislike any piece of meat or gluten-free hamburger or hot dog bun or piece of toast that is burnt. Correction, I will not eat a piece of meat or gluten-free hamburger or hot dog bun or piece of toast if it is burnt. I will put it on a plate or throw it away and make myself a new one. all of the time.
I will not eat a piece of pork if applesauce is placed right next to it. I will, however, eat both if they are contained; that is, if the applesauce is in it's own separate dish.
I dislike when women use WAY TOO much perfume. It's actually quite hard to breathe.
I dislike the smell of pollution in the air and burning rubber from the landfill.
I dislike the smell of mugginess when it's in the air.
I love walking outside to experience the smell of rain just after a storm.
I love the smell of freshly cut grass.
I love the smell of notebooks and of bindings that haven't been cracked yet. I always feel inspired to write right then and there. Oh, and new pens are always a plus, too!
A little bit of cologne on a guy is nice - just as long as it's not so overpowering that he took a bath in it. It's just comforting to have a little hint of it on his shirt. Just so that you know he's there with you.
I love the smell of grilled, stewed, or pan-friend vegetables.
I love the smell of scented candles.
I love the smell of ocean water, with a tinge of sea salt (or seaweed) in the air. So, when I close my eyes and take a deep breath, I know that I am at the ocean.
Bath & Body's Warm Vanilla Sugar hand lotion smells amazing! Though for a while now, I've been buying the unscented because it's so much cheaper.
And with these loves, there also comes some, well, dislikes. (or, things that I prefer).
I dislike any piece of meat or gluten-free hamburger or hot dog bun or piece of toast that is burnt. Correction, I will not eat a piece of meat or gluten-free hamburger or hot dog bun or piece of toast if it is burnt. I will put it on a plate or throw it away and make myself a new one. all of the time.
I will not eat a piece of pork if applesauce is placed right next to it. I will, however, eat both if they are contained; that is, if the applesauce is in it's own separate dish.
I dislike when women use WAY TOO much perfume. It's actually quite hard to breathe.
I dislike the smell of pollution in the air and burning rubber from the landfill.
I dislike the smell of mugginess when it's in the air.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
# 4 - pet peeves
Everyone has pet peeves. Here's a sampling of mine.
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- People talking on the phone in a restaurant.
- Talking while chewing gum.
- "Dancing" around an important question instead of asking it straight out.
- Drivers cutting me off in traffic or on the highway.
- Waking up to an alarm.
Friday, June 28, 2013
# 3: ---> "Alex, what are your hopes and dreams?"
This was a question posed by a friend when a group of us ventured out to Newport last weekend. Across a rectangular wooden dinner table filled with oysters, ribs, gluten-free pizza, beverages, and deliciously smelling bread, I found myself lost for words. After a few laughs, I composed a nice, neat little answer; but, in some ways, it was not a true reflection of me. I've realized that this is a loaded question that cannot be answered in a neat little bow. My apologizes go out to my friends who eagerly sat waiting and listening for my response. Upon further reflection, here is my list that will probably keep on growing, but hopefully provides you with a better view of who I am. So, I give to you, loyal readers: my hopes and dreams list!
Alexandra's Hopes & Dreams (in no particular order)
Alexandra's Hopes & Dreams (in no particular order)
- Visit the specific countries of my ancestors and grandparents, including Italy, Ireland, and Europe.
- Meet my friend (in person and for the first time) who lives in Jamaica that I have been writing to since freshmen year of high school.
- Get a full-time teaching job.
- Have my own place.
- Have a boyfriend who cares about me and likes me for who I am. Then, we can talk about marriage. (:
- Publish a book of my own poetry.
- Attend a writing conference.
- Go hiking.
- Go horseback riding on a beach.
- Milk a cow.
- Raise my own children.
- Adopt a child or two.
- Go on an African safari.
- Travel overseas.
- Return to one of my first loves - dance (and open my own dance studio - or work at one.)
- Work at an orphanage.
- Plant my own garden and harvest my own vegetables.
- Go on a glass bottom boat tour.
- Go para sailing.
- Spend a night on a sailboat.
- Run a 5k.
- Go to New York City.
- Visit Mt. Rushmore.
- Stand in the "four states at once" on the western part of the United States.
- Travel by car across country.
- Make a piece of clothing by hand.
- Visit all of the places where the things that I rely on daily, are made. For example, travel to the country(ies) that make my clothes.
- Go on a Ferris Wheel. again.
- Go on a carousel. again.
- Get married on the beach. Or, have some aspect of my wedding on the water.
- Tell kids about the love of Jesus.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Unexpected Love
So, I know that I said I would only write one post a day; however, I couldn't help but share this special addition. Here's an entry that I wrote in my journal tonight. May it bring a renewed perspective on love, relationships, and the theme of "waiting," to your soul.
Cheers.
------
Today, I re-read the story of Ruth and Boaz. This is my favorite story in the Bible. It's so amazing to me how a young woman who was so committed to her family and who chose to wait (for what seemed like a long time, though the biblical account does not actually say) for a second chance with love. Her heart totally and completely worshiped God; something that mesmerizes me. She was clearly infatuated with doing His will, too - something that I fall short of every single day. Yet, His promise of new life through His death on the cross, gives me the hope that I need to try again and again and again. Ruth had a heart that honored God, her Creator, and sought to do His will, first and foremost.
And then, this man, Boaz, comes along. Well, he was there all the time, in Naomi's homeland. Ruth really took quite a risk in deciding to stay with her mother-in-law by going to an unfamiliar land. Yet, in some ways, Bethlehem was familiar because Boaz was related to Naomi's son, (Ruth's former husband) who had passed away.
I love how in Chapter 2 of verse 1, the account says: "Now Naomi had a relative on her husband's side, from the clan of Elimelech, a man of standing, whose name was Boaz." Ha - God certainly knew exactly what he was doing the entire time.
This story resonates so much with me because I see so much of myself within the person of Ruth. By no means am I her; nor am I trying to make a comparison between us. I admire the commitment that she had to her family, the waiting she endured from the time of her husband's death to the time where her marriage with Boaz was made official; the loyalty to her mother-in-law, Naomi, when her other sister-in-law, Orpah, returned home; and finally, the perseverance that Ruth showed in the face of hardships, such as relocating from a place of famine to a place of harvest.
Boaz heard all about Ruth through his foreman, yet never once do we read about him being captivated by her beauty. I'm sure that Ruth's physical appearance was marvelous, and there are many other biblical stories that talk about the physical appearance of women. Yet, that is another post for another time. It was because of these things that made Ruth attractive to Boaz. It was because of Ruth's commitment, her loyalty, her waiting, that made Boaz ultimately pursue her. And, if you have ever been pursued by God (or even by another person for that matter), you know that it's a lovingly beautiful mixture of emotions, desires, hopes, and dreams.
I love how Ruth and Boaz's relationship happened so unexpectedly. Neither of them were looking for love. There was no Match.com or ChristianMingle.com in those days. They did not expect to find love, not to mention, each other. It was God that built the bridge between them so that they could walk across to see each other. He is ultimately the Creator behind all of these things.
I also find it completely amazing that Naomi and Ruth traveled from a famine to a harvest. This story tells of God's provision not only in terms of food, at a time when people were starving, but also shares the concepts of relationships, and our role(s) as people in them.
God does provide, and, in a media infested world where all we hear (as women at least), is how to make our appearance captivating for men; because as such, we will truly be appreciated solely on beauty alone, is a lie. To hear, however, how God makes us beautiful not because of what we do but because of who we are, is really quite counter-cultural. Imagine if this thought process sat in the check-out lines at the grocery store and in the magazine racks at Barnes and Noble. What image would People Magazine conjure up if they chose to instead showcase men and women based upon their relationships with others, with their Creator at the forefront? Instead of the all-too frequent "Top 10 Tips to Get a Guy," what about highlighting the story of an everyday average woman and the good that she is bringing in the world? (Cheers to the sites, corporations, non-profits, etc. who are doing this latter part already for both sexes. Thank you!)
The unexpectancy in Ruth and Boaz's relationship continues to surprise me. Even the way that Boaz treats Ruth, with such gentleness and hospitality, are traits that are typically associated with women. This is, again, another counter-cultural example to the litter of lies that society feeds us in the 21st century about the roles of men and women. Just imagine if all men and women treated each other in the same way as Ruth and Boaz did? How different would our world be! I tend to think that we'd have healthier familial relationships and a decline in divorce.
Finally, the humility that Boaz had for his next of kin is worth noting. As a part of the culture, he had to approach the next of kin about purchasing the plot of land, which, as a part of the transaction, also acquired Elimelech's widow, Ruth. If I were Boaz, my humility would be at a minimum. I'd be jumping out of my skin saying: "I found her! She's mine!" When in reality, it was God that found both Ruth and Boaz. It was God that made the connection for both of them. Again, Boaz showed his loyalty not only to God and to his family, but to Ruth as well by simply, waiting. From experience, this act that we refer to most times as "simple," is actually quite hard and frankly, takes serious amounts of time. (At least, that's how I've experienced waiting.) Finally, Boaz was given the "okay" from the next of kin to acquire the land and Ruth when the man first in line could not accept the offer.
Ruth and Boaz's story is a wonderful example of how relationships (whether personal, familial, or romantic) should be. Reading this story gives me hope that, one day, I can experience the same joy that Ruth and Boaz shared together so many years ago.
Cheers.
------
Today, I re-read the story of Ruth and Boaz. This is my favorite story in the Bible. It's so amazing to me how a young woman who was so committed to her family and who chose to wait (for what seemed like a long time, though the biblical account does not actually say) for a second chance with love. Her heart totally and completely worshiped God; something that mesmerizes me. She was clearly infatuated with doing His will, too - something that I fall short of every single day. Yet, His promise of new life through His death on the cross, gives me the hope that I need to try again and again and again. Ruth had a heart that honored God, her Creator, and sought to do His will, first and foremost.
And then, this man, Boaz, comes along. Well, he was there all the time, in Naomi's homeland. Ruth really took quite a risk in deciding to stay with her mother-in-law by going to an unfamiliar land. Yet, in some ways, Bethlehem was familiar because Boaz was related to Naomi's son, (Ruth's former husband) who had passed away.
I love how in Chapter 2 of verse 1, the account says: "Now Naomi had a relative on her husband's side, from the clan of Elimelech, a man of standing, whose name was Boaz." Ha - God certainly knew exactly what he was doing the entire time.
This story resonates so much with me because I see so much of myself within the person of Ruth. By no means am I her; nor am I trying to make a comparison between us. I admire the commitment that she had to her family, the waiting she endured from the time of her husband's death to the time where her marriage with Boaz was made official; the loyalty to her mother-in-law, Naomi, when her other sister-in-law, Orpah, returned home; and finally, the perseverance that Ruth showed in the face of hardships, such as relocating from a place of famine to a place of harvest.
Boaz heard all about Ruth through his foreman, yet never once do we read about him being captivated by her beauty. I'm sure that Ruth's physical appearance was marvelous, and there are many other biblical stories that talk about the physical appearance of women. Yet, that is another post for another time. It was because of these things that made Ruth attractive to Boaz. It was because of Ruth's commitment, her loyalty, her waiting, that made Boaz ultimately pursue her. And, if you have ever been pursued by God (or even by another person for that matter), you know that it's a lovingly beautiful mixture of emotions, desires, hopes, and dreams.
I love how Ruth and Boaz's relationship happened so unexpectedly. Neither of them were looking for love. There was no Match.com or ChristianMingle.com in those days. They did not expect to find love, not to mention, each other. It was God that built the bridge between them so that they could walk across to see each other. He is ultimately the Creator behind all of these things.
I also find it completely amazing that Naomi and Ruth traveled from a famine to a harvest. This story tells of God's provision not only in terms of food, at a time when people were starving, but also shares the concepts of relationships, and our role(s) as people in them.
God does provide, and, in a media infested world where all we hear (as women at least), is how to make our appearance captivating for men; because as such, we will truly be appreciated solely on beauty alone, is a lie. To hear, however, how God makes us beautiful not because of what we do but because of who we are, is really quite counter-cultural. Imagine if this thought process sat in the check-out lines at the grocery store and in the magazine racks at Barnes and Noble. What image would People Magazine conjure up if they chose to instead showcase men and women based upon their relationships with others, with their Creator at the forefront? Instead of the all-too frequent "Top 10 Tips to Get a Guy," what about highlighting the story of an everyday average woman and the good that she is bringing in the world? (Cheers to the sites, corporations, non-profits, etc. who are doing this latter part already for both sexes. Thank you!)
The unexpectancy in Ruth and Boaz's relationship continues to surprise me. Even the way that Boaz treats Ruth, with such gentleness and hospitality, are traits that are typically associated with women. This is, again, another counter-cultural example to the litter of lies that society feeds us in the 21st century about the roles of men and women. Just imagine if all men and women treated each other in the same way as Ruth and Boaz did? How different would our world be! I tend to think that we'd have healthier familial relationships and a decline in divorce.
Finally, the humility that Boaz had for his next of kin is worth noting. As a part of the culture, he had to approach the next of kin about purchasing the plot of land, which, as a part of the transaction, also acquired Elimelech's widow, Ruth. If I were Boaz, my humility would be at a minimum. I'd be jumping out of my skin saying: "I found her! She's mine!" When in reality, it was God that found both Ruth and Boaz. It was God that made the connection for both of them. Again, Boaz showed his loyalty not only to God and to his family, but to Ruth as well by simply, waiting. From experience, this act that we refer to most times as "simple," is actually quite hard and frankly, takes serious amounts of time. (At least, that's how I've experienced waiting.) Finally, Boaz was given the "okay" from the next of kin to acquire the land and Ruth when the man first in line could not accept the offer.
Ruth and Boaz's story is a wonderful example of how relationships (whether personal, familial, or romantic) should be. Reading this story gives me hope that, one day, I can experience the same joy that Ruth and Boaz shared together so many years ago.
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