You Always Remember Your First Love

First loves.

It's a thought that has crossed my mind more than once recently. Intersections, forks in the road, gravel dirt roads, all leading to that "first" love.

One of my favorite things to do when I find myself in the presence of a seasoned couple, a pair of newlyweds, a "just friends" (c'mon, we've all heard or been a part of that story before!), is to ask the question, "How did you first meet?" I'm fascinated by their "stories," of how couples meet through a mutual friend, at a party, on a dating site, in a coffee shop, in their professions, or even, as high school sweethearts. For me, I enjoy being a part of "their" audience, for however long or short that conversational story may be, as they reel their members in with a simple, quaint, rocky, or challenging dialogue of how their love came to be. The gleam in their eyes says it all. It's amazing to see how much they recollect from their first times of an initial meeting. Our brains have ways of remembering those finite details that may seem insignificant to the listener, but oh, so important to the couple at hand. From the striking red dress she wore, to the dapper looking robin egg blue eyed guy, to the way he looked at her, as though looking through her as she passed by, to the way he opened the car door for her (proof that chivalry is not dead). Perhaps, chivalry just resurrecting in a modern way for our 21st century.

I think it's safe to say that we tend to think of "first loves" in the romantic form. And, there is some justification in that line of thought. For many, we learn about love from our parents, relatives, siblings, coworkers, an experience we had when we were little, or a combination of all. Gosh, there are many instances in which I can recall examples of what love "is" and what love "is not."

Yet, my experience of "first loves" is probably not like everybody else's. First loves can be, and should be, for that matter, so much more than the "romantic" aspect. First loves, in my opinion, extend far to the crevices of the mountain, beckoning the artist within all of us to come forth and create a beautiful masterpiece of life. Years later, we shall look back, and reflect (though the "act" of reflecting may be something that we do everyday. As a teacher, I can relate to that. I'm constantly reflecting!) First loves reach to the corners of our hearts, in which we can only know beyond good measure that they are there. They expose our deepest desires and inner passions that God has put within us to share with the world.

As a young woman in her late twenties, I've come to this realization more and more each and every day. A student teacher recently asked me the question "Did I always know that I wanted to be a teacher?" And, as I sat in that chair in my classroom, I saw that same gleam in this student teachers eyes that I see in my friends eyes when I ask them about how they met their future spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend. I soon harbored that twinkle in my own eyes, too - explaining my love for dance - that this part of me is still alive, though I do not dance anymore. I recalled those 13 years of dance fondly and look forward to a way to tie it in with my teaching sometime in the future.

Through writing, I feel connected to something greater than myself. As cliché as that may sound, I believe that my grandfather is present with me when I write; though I unfortunately do not have the luxury to get to do it often. Through poetry, grading college papers, planning for elementary school, and working on ways to help the teachers that I coach, I see my grandfather in every aspect of it. I must admit, on some days, the work becomes grueling, but I always remember the phrase he said: "Don't worry about the time on the clock. Just get your work done and then you can take off your socks." Yet still, another phrase, one of my favorites, "If it starts to become like a 'job' to you, get out." For him, teaching was always equated with "mission work," rather than a profession, a job, or a 9-3 work week.

Whether preparing a lesson or writing a poem (there is something so powerful about putting a pencil or a pen to paper!), the act of creating and developing my series of "first loves" brings me great joy. To be honest, I need to do a better job of creating more pockets of time within my workweek to hone in on these "first loves." For example, when I dabble in the painting world, I feel connected to my grandfather, too. I've never taken any painting classes, but have tried to practice when I can. Sometimes, I go months at a time without picking up a paintbrush. I am reminded of my grandfather, who was an artist (though he was a serviceman, a teacher, and Principal, among other things, too.) And I hear his words, "keep practicing." When it's something that we want and that we are passionate about, we will work at it.

Sunday afternoons in my kitchen are phenomenal. No kidding! Though it signals the start of another work week and setting my alarm to 5:00am once again, I do enjoy my times in the kitchen. You see, I learned to cook from my dad, when I watched him on my tippy toes in the kitchen as a little girl. Cooking, like baking, relaxes me. As I prep my meals for the week, I get so excited when I see the color and arrangements of food in my head, that I immediately have to put them on the plates. It's so refreshingly satisfying, like a glass of iced cold water when you finish from a long run or a workout. You step back, and look at what you have created with your hands. Our hands are powerful tools in this world, ya know :)

My friends, writing, painting, cooking, and more- those are my first loves. Having a good book in my hands with a cup of tea reminds me of my mom and the love of reading that she instilled in me as a young girl. I loved our trips to the library. Sometimes, I wish I could relive those simpler, innocent days again. I long for those times where I can walk into a bookstore, pick up an opened book off the shelf, be the first to crack it open, and smell its pages. It's like Christmas every day!

So, you see, first loves don't have to be the "romantic" kind. Yet, I would be amiss without sharing just 1 story about a "first love." Lets make that a "few stories," as it began when I was in daycare.

There was this boy that attended the daycare that I was in (well several boys, if you must know :) that I was absolutely smitten with. My first kiss was when he backed me up against the metal fence and planted one on me right on the lips.

We all had our share of elementary and middle school "crushes," and hormones getting in the way of our studies. Remember those days? I live for the days when we can write handwritten notes to each other again. There were those "occasions" where I perfected passing notes back and forth between rows and feet dangling under desks.

High school brought its own share of transitions. As I explained to the student teacher about my first love for dance, I realized that a part of it tied in with a guy. As all good love stories go, yes, I had a high school crush, well a few- but they all fizzled away rather quickly. Like I always say "lots of boys, but no men."

Yet, throughout my primary, secondary and college years (both undergraduate and graduate), I had guys that I liked, but my focus was always on my schoolwork. My parents instilled that mantra into me from a very early age and I guess, I just didn't have time for "boys," really, because I was always busy writing a paper, being chauffeured to basketball, 4 hours of dance on a Saturday, French horn and piano lessons, horse back riding, skating, and summer camps. These activities kept me "busy" in a good way, "out of trouble," as you say, and saved me from a lot of unnecessary heartache growing up. Even now, as an adult, I had a few "first loves" that I fell for incredibly hard, but learned after several years to "let it go" as the flowers fade with the passing of each season. Ever experience those times where both of you are too shy to name the elephant in the room but quite content to be "just friends?" Yet, when you get together, you "feel" that "electricity" between the two of you?

Only when we truly allow ourselves to "let go" of past experiences, expectations, views, and thoughts, can we open the door for new experiences, expectations, views, and thoughts to permeate our homes, our hearts, and our minds. And, as a single lady right now, approaching her almost 28th year, that is precisely what I am seeking to do. Though I've never "officially" had a guy to call my own (and honestly, men and women aren't objects, but that's another story for a different day), I've experienced that feeling of "love." Though in all respects, love is not a feeling. It's a "doing." Love is an action. And, the sooner that we realize that the love between two people is an "action" can we experience love in its entirety the way that it was supposed to be. As I sit here, waiting, I am reminded of everything in its right place and time. "As the flowers bloom and fade, so the word of God stands firm forever."

So in a world of "first loves," and "love stories" and countless movies making box office millions, lets remember the first loves that some of us have that include our passions. Romance will come in time, as it is not something that you can plan for. Though you can increase the likelihood of meeting someone, I'd rather wait and see my own love story unfold, as long as that may take. For now, I'm dabbling in my own "first loves."

Now, where did I put my paintbrush?

cheers!
alex

Raspberry Tea, Falling in Love, Rest, and Rain.

As I sit typing this long-awaited post, I am sipping on Bigelow's Red Raspberry Royale hot tea from my favorite worn and yellow mug. Outside, it is raining, as splatters of raindrops dizzily graze the window in a fashion all too familiar and comfortable. It is on rainy days such as these, that I am thankful, for the fact that, sleeping is always easier for me. Don't ask me why, but I always find it easier to sleep in the rain.

And, as odd as this sounds, I always find it easier to write when it's raining. (Isn't that right?! - haha) Oftentimes when I sit down to write, I have no idea what to write, while sometimes, I seek to explore a certain avenue of life, an idea, or a specific topic that has been on my heart and mind.

Today, I am writing because I am feeling better. For the past 4 days, I have been recovering from a double ear infection and laryngitis. (It's kinda hard to talk when you have no voice, friends!) Anyway, I've been taking comfort in drinking lots of hot tea with honey (something that my Italian neighbors introduced to me), eating lots of whole fruit, and rest. Which, my friends, is the premise of this post; that is, rest.

It's easy for me to give advice to friends on the importance of rest, but to follow the advice myself? Ah, now that's a totally different story.

As a woman who is used to constantly "being busy," running around doing errands, helping other people, being involved within my community and in my school, it's hard for me to rest. But, when I look back on my life and reflect on where exactly that mindset of "busy" and "involvement" came from, I would have to say that it cascaded through the genes of my grandfather and landed in my veins. He was the same way as me. He was a former teacher, Principal, Merchant Marines, and Navy man, and, among other duties, a father. But, he always kept busy. The similar factor that rang true in his life and in mine today, is that of constantly going and moving, quite similar to the "Energizer Bunny" commercial, in fact.

Honestly, it's quite hard for me to "slow down." Even when I try, my mind is still going. One of the common denominators amongst the teachers I have company with is that it's very hard to "shut your brain off" at the end of the school day. Teachers tend to bring "everything" home with them, whether metaphorically or literally. And, I think that is one of the main reasons why I get sick; I continue to run around without being able to "turn off" the tv that is my brain and I am not able to fully rest.

Truthfully, I miss the days where my parents and I went on vacation with limited or no cell phone service, or our "mystery Sunday rides" in neighborhoods unfamiliar to us. Those carefree childhood days where just wonderful. It's hard to grow up and realize that those were the moments that you miss the most.

I've been learning, (albeit slowly) that in order to grow as a person, as a teacher, and as a woman, I need to slow down and learn to "shut my brain off." When I want to move, I just need to "fight the good fight" as Jesus says in the Bible and purposefully stop and do something that helps me to relax. These past 4 days have been a testament to naps, rest, and "puttering around my house." It's hard for a lady to "stop moving" when she's always used to "moving" that when I do "pause" it feels like I should "be doing something."

This trait is no more profound, I've realized recently, than on social media. Many of my friends that I used to hang out with are now in relationships, engaged, or married. (I know that I may be on the verge of being redundant, as this same piece was explained in a previous post, it does bear revisiting again.) When this happens and I find myself comparing one piece of my life (a spouse) to my entire life through the lens of another person, I get discouraged, until I remind myself of all of the things that I have accomplished thus far with God. If it wasn't for him, I honestly don't know where I would be today, as cliché as that sounds. Actually, I take that back. I do know where I would be today - still a quiet and shy girl, not speaking unless she's spoken to and content on offering her opinion only when asked. When I reflect on how far I've come and how far I've grown as a woman, now that is worth celebrating. However, I don't express this feat as something to "brag" about or something in which to draw attention to myself and say "look at me." Not at all. I express this with the utmost humility, knowing that it was by no work of my own but of Him who created and sent me to do his good works.

And to be frank, I know that someday, I will be married, have a family with kids, and a husband who supports me and I, him. Yet, I still hope and plan to hold onto those sweet memories I have with my parents, for those are so worth cherishing. I am a firm believer in knowing that desires are placed on our hearts (regardless of our beliefs) for a reason. And sometimes, those hopes and dreams aren't answered right away, or answered in a different order, for that matter. We need to embrace them as they come, and to know and understand that just because I may not be meeting "societal milestones" as society dictates in our 21st century, does not mean that I am "less than" someone who is "married." It also does not mean that people need to complete certain "milestones" in a particular order.

For some reason, unknown to me, my career ended up flourishing first. That's wonderful news! From my experiences interacting with young people and those who are wiser and older than me, careers tend to take off after we have "settled down." I am so thankful that I have a career in teaching not just students, but teachers at a college, too. I am truly thankful for all of the opportunities that have come my way as a young twenty-something woman.

And, I look forward at all that is to come, as well. I look forward to the day where I meet my future husband and the journey that will come along with that. It will be rocky and smooth, I'm sure, but those experiences and opportunities will help us to grow stronger as a couple, together. And, though the famed Hallmark movies encourage me to "think about love" in a certain way, I am open to falling in love in different ways than the norm. It took me a while to come to that realization, but for now, I am content with that.

As for the rainy day, I grasp my cup of Red Raspberry Royale Tea from my worn and yellow mug, close my eyes, and drift off to sleep with the light pitter-patter of the rain in the background.

Cheers, my friends.

Lots of Boys But No Men

Ever have those moments where you drive with the windows and the top of your car down because the weather is just "that good?" Monday - you were one of those days. And tonight, was just a tease of autumn in the midst of summer. So breezy and cool, I ate my supper on the front stoop of my house. I'm looking forward to more afternoons and nights like this.

But as with moments, "all good things must come to and end" as the saying goes (or at the very least, put on pause for a while.) And so, I ventured back inside my house to write this blog post at my wooden dining room table. I'm looking outside my window, watching the sunset, chamomile tea on the left of me, eating gluten free/dairy free chocolate and cranberry fudge. Yum. My fingers are typing away furiously on the computer, the keyboard making clicking sounds like an old-fashioned typewriter, purple Opi nails bouncing up and down, like balloons in the air - dancing to their tune of Click Clack Moo, Cows That Type.

While I sat outside with my supper tonight, one of my neighbors came over to talk with me. He shared the story of how he and his wife first met. To this day, I love asking people "their story" because, in reality, every couple has "their story." Whether it seems big or small in our eyes, that "moment" and/or "series of moments" are significant to the story that a particular couple shares together. And that my friends, is beautiful.

Anyway, as I sat listening to the story, I realized something. Meeting someone back then seemed "easier" in a sense. Maybe not "easy" in the way beating eggs with a fork for breakfast might be, but "easy" in that, everyone seemed to know each other. The gal really knew the guy because the families interacted with each other regularly. From my experience, nowadays, we have all different avenues to go about meeting potential people/significant interests, with word of mouth, blind dates, online dating, swiping left or right, initiating conversation when out with a group of friends, etc. There seems to be more platforms with which to meet someone. However, I can't help but feeling that, for some people out there, maybe even you who stumbled upon this post by happenchance :), you may feel lonelier or even further away from meeting someone due to all of these technological advances. And, you may be reading this on the other side of the lens - feeling extremely connected to the world via social media, technology, your friends, etc. Either way you feel, I think it suffices to say that our "dating world" today is vastly different than my neighbors was back then. Let me give you an example.

From my own personal experiences, I've come to realize that when I find myself "falling for a guy" (for lack of a better phrase), I immediately put up walls around myself to convince myself that what I'm "feeling" is nothing more and nothing less and to suppress those feelings by not thinking about them nor looking towards the future with that particular guy anymore. This is pattern of mine that I've come to liken to a horse in a race track with blinders. Those blinders represent the walls that I put up in an effort to protect myself, to shield myself from potential hurt and distrust, and my whole uncertainty with the "dating" field. This is a piece of me that has taken a long time to acknowledge and to even put a "name" on, but, nonetheless, as soon as I did that, I was able to work on removing those blinders to see the rest of the racetrack and the other horses racing beside me, too.

This is not to say that I have lowered my standards at all. In fact, because of this realization, my standards have improved and changed. Now, when I meet guy friends who I may have potential interest in, I ask myself a series of questions, in no particular order- "do I see myself with this guy long term? Is this a "boy" (in terms of maturity) or a "man?" (because there is a significant difference for both); Will this man challenge me to pursue life without a roadmap every one in a while? Can this man be trusted? How does this man deal with conflict? What does this man do when he's not hanging out with his friends? Does this man have proof in his life of establishing a significant commitment? How does this man treat other women? Does this man act a certain way around me and completely different around his closest friends? How is this man with kids? (a big question for me because I am a teacher) Does he interact well with kids? Do they look up to him as they would a father?

Those are just some of the questions that I begin to ask myself throughout the course of getting to know a guy. And to be honest, sometimes, our initial "first impressions" are incorrect and we need to give the guy a second chance. Sometimes, it's not him, it's us. And sometimes, we need to be truthful when we've fallen short.

I often get asked a lot, by friends, by neighbors, by people I've met, some similar and familiar phrasing of this group of words: "So, is there anyone special in your life?" And, I'm always tempted to respond with "yes, great friends!" or "wonderful family!" or, (my personal favorite) "lots of boys but no men." And sometimes, I respond to that well-meaning, abstract question with an honest "No, not yet." I can't tell you why that part of my life hasn't flowered yet, but what I can share is that I'm being pruned like a tree and trained like a Seabiscuit-kind-of-horse, to lower my blinders and to allow kind hearted men in. And, I know that as soon as those blinders are fully lowered, then, and only then, can I depart from the racetrack to open myself up and say, "I'm ready."

-cheers.

Comparison is the Enemy of Success

Honest moment here. Every time that I jet off to type a blog post, I always need to have another tab open to FB. It's just something that I do. Call it FOMO (fear of missing out) or an inability to be disconnected from the outer world for just a little bit. Yet, so often, I find myself checking social media accounts multiple times a day - that I wonder, where could that energy be expended instead? How could I be using those "minutes" over the airwaves of the earth, better?

It saddens me to say, that there are days where I often (no, frequently) find myself comparing my life to that of others. (see my blog post from yesterday, because at times, I view myself as Phelp's opponent, looking at him in the pool instead of focusing on myself.) And, I firmly believe that the act of "focusing on your life" (in a humble way of course), is a daily struggle that we all encounter.

When I step back from the camera lens and allow myself permission to "zoom out," I observe that there could be a variety of reasons why I let myself fall victim to one of three "comparison roadblocks," as I'll call them. For the purposes of this post, here they are:

1) The comparison of social media's latest fancies,

2) the comparison of people within my age bracket, and

3) the comparison of people who are married vs. those who are single (like me).

Some days, I trip harder than others, and both the bruises and the scrapes that remain are quite bloodied and purple. Yet, those hurts are evidence that I am growing and that I am trying to combat this "disease" of comparison that the whole wide world has on all of us, regardless of age - but, I feel, primarily with young people and those who are in their 20's and 30's. Some days, I feel good about myself, other days, I see what others are broadcasting across a variety of social media facets and feel small in my feats, compared to them. I'm not out hiking mountains or serving kids in third world countries. But, from sunrise to sunset, I am reminded of how loved I am in a world that constantly and incessantly, craves and wants more. And for young people, this false ideology can be extremely detrimental. Honestly, social media is a platform of a masquerade of sorts; in that, people post what makes them feel good and what they think other people want to hear. Imagine, instead, if we all took the time to think about what we posted and the ramifications of it before we actually clicked the word "post?"

As a teacher, I see our young kids firsthand, with cell phones, constantly checking their social media accounts for the next "like" or "view." Imagine, how much different our world would be if we taught them to use the social media platform as a way to share ideas in a thoughtful manner and as a way to bring their life changing views to the forefront? There are days, where I feel like "my kids," afraid of missing out on something important, where I could have used those precious few minutes of time writing a note, enjoying my home, or taking a breath of fresh air. I know it sounds so simple, but if we decided to do that every time we reached for our phone or sat down at our computer/devices/MacBook/iPad, etc. (you get the idea), imagine how different our world would be? I'd like to think that we would have more people talking to each other rather than staring at their phones, contemplating not on how to obtain the most "likes" for instant gratification and satisfaction but how to establish and maintain a lifelong road of adventure and "off-roading."

As a middle-aged twenty something woman, I do admit, that a second way in which I compare myself to that of the outside world is by seeking what others are doing in my age bracket and deciding if I'm living up to them. In essence, I'm putting "those people" on a pedestal, without even meaning to at all. This is yet another pitfall for me due to the fact that I'm already assuming that because I'm not doing what "they're" (insert whoever "they're is for you) doing, then I cannot be successful. Which is another mistruth.

When I again step back and analyze the camera lens, I am proud of all that I've accomplished at my age so far in my life. I am reminded that I have a full-time job teaching that I absolutely love, another job teaching at a college this fall, a home that I adore, and family and friends that are supportive of me in my endeavors. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that my journey would take me to where I am today. And, as cliché as that sounds, it's true. I'm very happy that I've grown up and taught to be an independent woman, who is free to speak her own mind, who graduated from a shy and quiet girl, and transformed across the stage into a luxurious butterfly. Whenever I feel that negative thoughts have overtaken me, I always, always remind myself of how far I've come, what I've accomplished, and the future that lies ahead. And, when I do, I am again reminded that it's all because of Him. And for that truth, I am thankful.

Because of God, I know that I am single for now. Whenever I feel myself comparing my "singleness" to that of young married folks, I immediately remind myself of the things that I am privileged to do as a single person. Like stay at home in my pjs on a Saturday. Take myself out to dinner. Read in the backyard. Go for a drive to the country store. Social media makes it easy for single people to think that something must be "amiss" in their lives because they are not "with someone" or "getting married" or "engaged" or "not even close to him 'popping' the question." That's simply not true! We are loved and cherished and blessed regardless of our current "romantic" state, for lack of a better word. Granted, my heart knows what it knows and I look forward to being married someday, to meeting a guy who will "sweep me off my feet" in his own unique wayl someone that I can have a good laugh with, one who will go for a run with me, a man that enjoys the ocean, one that likes to travel, and a guy that will push me to be the best I can be. That, I know will come in time. But for now, I am content as a single woman. Accepting this truth has taken many years, but I can honestly say that I've learned and gained so much as a single woman.

That's all to say that you are loved exactly where you are. Another cliché, I know. Haha! But, it's true! You are. Stop comparing yourself to another person and trying to see if you measure up. "Because with the measure that you use, it will also be used to you." Our measuring cups are all filled with different amounts, so if we compare 1/2 cup of cinnamon to someone with 1 cup of sugar, then we are not comparing the same amounts, nor the same ingredients. Please know that your mistakes are not your future. You are loved because of your identity, because of who you are. You are loved because of your passions not in spite of them. You are loved because you are deeply cared for, you are a child of, in my view, God. He is so happy and pleased when you call "Father," that He eagerly takes you into His arms to hold and cradle you as you were when you were a young child.

Okay, end of rant. But, for those of you who need encouragement in a world that seems to compare every little thing against everything else, you are loved just as you are. Rest easy with that truth.

--cheers.

Phelp's, Pretzels, and Cameras

(I haven't had the urge to creatively write in a long time. The last time I wrote "creatively" was when I was at a Summer Teacher's Conference at Phillips Exeter Academy (PEA) (the last summer that my grandfather was alive). But, when I do allow myself space to write in this way, this juice is what spills out.

As I type this post, I am sitting outside on my stairs, waiting for the rain to come. I hear the thunder (or rather, heard the thunder), about an hour ago - so loud, that it rumbled inside the church. Now, all that remains is a clear blue sky, with ominous looking clouds, hanging high above, like a bird in a carefully crafted nest, a dark curtain, waiting for the opening act of the night.

Haha - all kidding aside, there is no trace of rain in the sky. Instead a blue, robin's egg coat remains, with gorgeous light: The Golden Hour.

My black iced coffee soothes my throat, a welcomed treat in this stretch of oppressive summer weather we've been having. I feel as though I've sweat so much within the past three days; I'm a dry fish - drinking bottles of water in an effort to salvage the parchedness I've felt.

And yet, my hand dips into the paper flowered cup to grab some Snyder's Gluten-free pretzels. My insides crave the cold, familiar embrace of coffee and yet they want the salted the pretzels, all at the same time. Ever feel that way? Where you want two things, that you love, simultaneously, and you can't find a "happy medium" with either?

Sometimes, life is like that.

So, enter - the banana. Haha- no really! On warm summer days, the banana is the "third party mediator," the unbiased judge, who looks at all of the evidence presented by both the prosecutor and the defender in the family court. Then, he migrates into his chambers, for an undetermined amount of time. You wonder what he/she is thinking. And then, he emerges, with a decision in his head; hopefully, aligning with his heart. Or, is it a decision in his heart, aligning with how he/she feels in his head? Either way, a decision has been made, for both the pretzel and the iced coffee, and the banana has the floor, for better or for worse.

Sometimes, life is like that.

Especially when you want both the pretzel and the iced coffee, but know that the banana is the better "choice" out of the three. Sometimes, you have to make decisions. Sometimes, you may not see the effects of your decisions right away. Sometimes, you have to wait a while to see the results. Sometimes, they happen right away, and, like the clichéd version of the "domino affect," sometimes, there is nothing to reverse your decision(s).

Anyway, as I tutored a young girl this past week on her summer reading project - I painted this analogy for her. I was trying to describe something to her, but alas, that something escapes me now. Time has a way of doing that to us, doesn't it? It revs us up in the car to go 60+ mph and yet, its hard to stop when it beckons us to slow down, to ease up on the gas.

I shared with this girl, that I love to take pictures. One of my hobbies is photography, and I always dream of someday, saving up enough money to buy one of those really expensive cameras (you know the ones I'm talking about :) ) Cameras, and photographs, for that matter, tend to do a great job about capturing the "moments." Sometimes, I shared, I get so caught up in capturing that one, tiny "moment," that I forget to zoom out and see the bigger picture. Instead of focusing on that moment for what it is and really, truly enjoying it, I often reach for my phone and try to snap a picture. There are times where it's wonderful, but if I'm constantly focusing the camera on such a tiny detail, a smidgen of life (granted, those are the details and moments that we tend to remember the most), then I fail to enjoy the moment for the beauty that it was created to be.

After I related it back to her summer reading project, she seemed to understand the idea. Sometimes, focusing on the moments in our "camera frame" (whatever your camera frame is for you), causes us to lose sight of the bigger picture and the other "moments" that may not fit into our "frames" because we're too busy looking at "our" own world. There is a bigger world our there, ya know.

Since the Rio 2016 Olympics have been on TV, I've been watching a lot of them every night. I enjoy the fast moving sports of swimming, running, water polo, gymnastics, cycling, and the like. As a young girl who used to play basketball from fifth grade up through high school, on the travel teams, summer leagues, and for my high school, I like the sports that require endurance (though all of them do). I loved the feeling of the basketball in my hand, my palms calloused with thump of the ball, my mind racing with the drills, my heart hoping to make that winning basket. For me, I thrive when I run, or when I played basketball and could go in between the players because I was really short (still am!)

Anyway, one of the best examples, in my opinion, of a single camera focus, is when Michael Phelps won one of the swimming matches against another opponent. There is a picture circulating around the web, that shows him focused with a gaze, straight ahead, on swimming, on reaching the end, and his opponent, turning to look at him. (Google the image, if you haven't already seen it. It's truly powerful, and can be related to so many other things, too.) Phelp's had one, primary focus/goal; his opponent busied himself with looking into the other lane instead of watching his own.

I feel that I am like Phelp's opponent at times, looking "into the other lane," worrying about and concerning myself with other people instead of "keeping my head in the game" (que the High School Musical Song), that it throws off my concentration. As I get older, I have been having moments where I realize that this is happening. I acknowledge them and note that they are there alongside me. Then, (I know it may sound funny), I pray. I say a little prayer and honestly try to find something else to occupy my time. Because truthfully, in two, or three, or even five years, that won't matter in the big scheme (picture) of things. Right now, I am focused on the one small snapshot, instead of "zooming out." Right now, that particular interaction matters. Right now, acknowledging that it does matter and then working to move on, is a slow start, but I do find it helping me.

And, I believe for all people, the "moving on" part takes time. It does not happen overnight or in 45.06 seconds on a swim clock. For some people, this part involves not a prayer, but in a walk outside. For others, it may involve dance. For some, it may involve meditation. Still for some, it involves picking up a paintbrush and painting. The important bond that ties us all together is that of acknowledging the specific camera focus and actively doing something about it.

But, let me let you in on a little secret. The acknowledging and the actively doing something part, is a daily thing. It happens everyday, in a variety of facets in our lives. From experience, once I've thought that I was "done" with something, I was humbly reminded that "no, I still have work to do."

Because, honestly, we're all "a work in progress." And, to be even more completely honest, this is a daily task. And, to strip down to the bare bones, you may ask, "well, how does your post apply to finding a guy someday?" Well, I'm glad you asked!

First of all, I'm not setting out to "find" anyone. Neither, (I hope) does he have an "ad" trying to "locate" me. Once we release ourselves from the so-called "finding true love" that society and my favorite Saturday night movie channel (Hallmark) has grasped on us, then, and only then, do we allow ourselves to be open to exploring the people and the circumstances around us, allowing them to change, grow, and shape us. Secondly, I want a guy who is "a work in progress." I want a man who is acknowledging that he still has work to be done and is eager to change to grow for the better. However, I do seek a man who does know what he wants, who is actively seeking to be a better person, and who is not afraid to let anything stand in his way.

And - to get even more honest with you, I think that's all we hope for in life. To meet and interact with people who know what they want, who are sure of themselves, and who work to advance themselves with the gifts that they've been given for the betterment of this world.

-cheers!

To Hallmark Movies, morning walks, and that guy with the striking blue eyes

Friends, I realized something recently. Well, make that "lots" of somethings.

No, really! I've come to understand (because of maturity, probably) that time passes us so quickly and if we're not careful, we can become so immune to it that we build up a resistance to, so that it neglects to permeate our souls. In other words, if we don't allow the world, more specifically, those "special" things that give us drive, fuel our passion, and cause us to come alive, then, in essence, we are not feeding our inner beings and merely letting our world "cruise by." All that to say, we need to make room for the wind to blow between our toes. Seriously! Have you ever just paused on a summer afternoon, all that you're doing, removed your footwear, and really felt the wind blow through your toes? It's magical. You can't see the wind but it's there. This simple analogy reminds me of the effects that God has on my life. In some situations, I don't recognize or acknowledge that value, being His presence in my life for a variety of reasons. But, when I do, and I remove my sneakers, sandals or pumps and feel this wind whisking away between my size 6 feet, I am reminded that He has been present with me all along.

Anyway, all that to say - I watched a Hallmark Movie yesterday with my cats (haha!) and I stumbled upon something. Well, besides the fact that all Hallmark movies end with the same "happily every after," and in real life those relationships/marriages are actually very hard work. This guy and gal work together on trying to make the most "perfect" wedding for their mutual friends and end up falling in love themselves. Throughout the movie, I discovered that I really resonated with the female character. She never allowed herself to let her "guard down" and experience "love" because it came with the potential of "too much hurt and pain" and that just wasn't worth risking. I learned that like this character, I too, experience the discomfort of not letting my guard down because I am uncertain of what "may" or "may not happen."

I've shared this analogy before. Sometimes, I feel like I am a racing horse with blinders on either side of my eyes, racing forward through life, without looking on who is to the left or to the right of me in the arena. I've recently come to terms with this illusion that if I continue at this speed, I will miss all of the chances "to love" with potential relationships, regardless if they travel anywhere far. I'm working on this characteristic as we speak and I know that I will be mudding through it over the duration of my life.

Second, a lot can be said about morning walks. The hardest thing for me to do sometimes, is getting up early to go for a walk. It's establishing the routine that's challenging for me, but, once it's there, I can accomplish it with ease. On morning walks, I do my best thinking. Life is just waking up and I get to see all sorts of creatures that I would typically miss on an afternoon run. Engaging in morning walks helps me to slow down and wake up, to embrace the "fast paced" feeling of the day with persevering stamina. I love seeing the little rabbits, the flocks of birds migrating to their nests or overtaking that of a fellow neighboring bird, and the occasional car going up and down the hills that I climb. My best thoughts or ideas occur when I'm out walking. I love when I do conquer the difficulty of waking up early and interacting with the outdoors long before I dive into the world of social media. (Because, who really needs to check their Instagram at 6:00am?) We all have things that we're working on and waking up early sometimes and removing myself from the "picture perfect world" of social media are two of them.

Last, I find that as I give myself permission to "slow down" at the beginning of the day rather than the latter, I am able to pick up on nuances better. For example, I am able to notice the minute things in people and observe life in an intricate way. Now, I don't want you to think that all I do is go to coffee shops and read while doing the occasional "people watching." (There is SO much that we can and still have, to learn from each other! Another post on that for a future time.) I want  to convey the notion that because I've allowed myself to interact with nature early on, I am refreshed to put forth a greater amount of effort into my work during the day. I am also keenly aware of people's interactions, or lack thereof, with each other.

Yesterday, when I went to the gas station, the attendant at the full service building had these striking blue eyes. Now, I'm not saying that because I went on a morning walk that I was more attuned to his physical outward appearance. However, I hadn't really picked up on these features in people before. As a teacher, I've become astute in reading non verbal body language and this man's striking blue eyes were no laughing matter. (no pun intended :) ) They were the kind of eyes that you may see on a summer day, when the sky hugs the clouds thousands of miles above the earth, on an exotic island, above the shores of an aquamarine beach. His eyes had the ability to convey a message of kindness, genuineness, and humility. Granted, it was a mere 5 minute interaction at most, but I am hopeful that this small interaction is a foreshadowing of what is to come; in that, I hope someday, I will be able to interact with a man like this and get to know him well, even if it starts with just looking into his eyes, because, to me (and I understand it sounds cliché, "eyes are the windows to the soul.")

Speaking of "someday," you should totally read the book, Someday, Someday, Maybe by Lauren Graham (yes! The woman who plays the mom, Lauralie from the TV Series, the Gilmore Girls.) I just purchased it yesterday and can't put it down. It's been in my "hot little hands" as my mom used to say about me when I was young. I see myself in the main character and am excited to show you the website, by clicking the above link in the book title.

That's all for now.
Have a wonderful day!

~alex

The Parabola of Love

A friend and I recently met for coffee. Did you know, (at least for me, anyway) that the best conversations happen over coffee? There is something so profound about holding a beverage (cold, warm, or both) in your hands and having a conversation with someone. It's almost as if the beverage serves as a "bridge" between the conversation and what your intentions are with that person. Having a beverage in your hands makes communication easier and also gives you something to hold onto.

Anyway, my favorite daytime beverage of choice in this hot and humid weather that we've been having (we're in a heatwave, folks!) is iced coffee with honey! Today, I tried something new. For those of you who know me, you know that I am a creature of habit and once I find something that I like, it is hard to get me to even attempt to change. Well, change, I did and I am happy that I created space for this simple, minute event to occur. Haha - all that said and I tried a sangria iced tea with fresh fruit. It was really, really good! All those blackberries, orange slices, and fruit really made the tea worthwhile.

Alas, enough with these tangents. And, onto the rest of my story. By the way, as I sit here typing this post, I am drinking chamomile tea with agave nectar. Yes, it is something new that I tried during my recent week long trip to Connecticut. :)

Back to the story where my friend and I met for coffee. I enjoy having those friendships, and treasure them, really; you know the friends that you can call up and talk to the on the phone and meet, like that day or a day (or two) later? Yes, those are the friendships that I live for. And, as I grow older, I have come to the realization that I have less "close" friends and more "acquaintances" and sometimes, friends become acquaintances depending upon the seasons of your life and of theirs. (That's another story for a future blog post. Hehe.)

So, as we sat in the coffee shop and exchanged stories about our lives, we celebrated the good things that were happening and the things that we hoped would get better. As we conversed about life and dreams, our talk meandered back to a topic that we always seem to navigate towards: relationships. And, as I sat listening, I wondered: Do attachment and infatuation occur at the same time in a relationship? How long does it take for a person to let their guard down and/or open up in a relationship? What makes some relationships easier to move on from and others more difficult and challenging?

As a teacher, my mind immediately went to trying to create a visual for these types of questions. My friend and I sat drinking coffee while we "mapped" out a graph of these important, and I'd like to say, essential questions that are key to any relationship on napkins.

Here are some things that, upon reflection, I discovered:

1) Attachment and infatuation arrive at different times in a relationship. Sometimes, you may not like a person who is interested in you at the same time as they do. It may take you a little longer. We often confuse "infatuation" with "love" when, I would argue, that "infatuation" is our "puppy love" or our "idealized version" of how we envision our romantic love to be with that "said" person. It takes time to become attached to someone and to the point where you're feelings may overlap on certain issues, as you start to enjoy being in the company and in the presence of that other person. (I've attached (no pun intended) a link below to an article that was published. It is lengthy, but a good and detailed read, nonetheless.)

Attraction, Infatuation, and Love Article by the English Review

2) It takes time for a person to let their guard down AND open up to another who they find themselves interested in. It does not occur at the same time for each person and one may experience the feeling of "openness" long before the other person. Therefore, it is imperative to exercise sensitivity for both yourself and the other person involved. I've observed that sometimes, in relationships, people can expect too much too soon and crave too much too quickly when the waters are receding and the tide is going out. If you identify more as the person who enjoys "galloping," maybe it's time you slow that horse to a walk, in order to allow the other person to walk beside you, at their own pace. Studies show (google it!) that men who are attracted to women will slow down their pace in order to walk with her. Maybe, in relationships, the "gallopers" need to try doing a similar thing.

For me, I am more of a "walk-around-the-stable-and-maybe-trot" kind of lady rather than a "gallop" girl. Guys who are too quick to rush into things with me and take me to a pond to find water first often do not have the same affect on me as men who take the time to walk or trot beside me. In essence, it takes more "time" for me to let my guard down because of past experiences that have influenced and jaded my perspective on relationships and dating. I need a guy who is willing to wait and to see me for who I am (as cliché as that sounds).

3) Lastly, being in a relationship comes with a lot of emotional, physical, and mental baggage. Some relationships, (I'm sure you have friends who have experienced this or you may be experiencing it right now) take time to "get over." Even those two words "getting over" may not suffice it enough. Society can offer advice and their "peanut gallery" for us, but it is up to you to learn from it. You may still remember certain things about a person, such as the way they smelled after they showered or how they lifted that piece of falling hair from your face to behind your ear. Some of those memories will never leave because they are ingrained in you. They have become tattooed on your soul as a permanent part of you. For me, I don't necessarily "get over" someone, per say, but I learn to "move on" from my "infatuation" or "attachment" to a guy.

All that to say, not all guys are "boys." There are some good men out there. My favorite quote to use whenever I get asked if I'm "seeing anybody" is "yes. lots of boys but no men." Because, there is a difference between a man and a man who is disguised as a boy. I'd rather wait for the latter, and if that means my career is off to a rocking good start, then I'll take it. Someday, I know that my time to meet a wonderful guy will come, but until then, I have to maintain and be faithful in the friendships that I have been given. I have to sow into them and be present for the people that God has placed into my life to learn from them, be taught from them, to serve them, and to also allow myself to grow from them. My friendships with guys who value women have taught me one important thing: (and my hair stylist said it best and on numerous occasions to me) that because my standards are high (though not unreasonable), the quality of the man that I meet will be higher and, because of that, he will appreciate me for the things that I have done in my early life and for who I am and appropriately, see that as a challenge and work to stay with me. He will also be the type of man that will seek to help me grow and teach me the times where it's okay to let my guard down. In that case, love can be likened to a parabola. Sometimes, you're up, sometimes, you're down, but in between, you share the same origin - that you have feelings for each other.

And, since that type of relationship is worth waiting for to me, then wait I shall. Because, I'm expectantly hopeful that he is waiting, too.

-cheers!

"Moving On"

Dear Readers,

This past year has been full of changes, to say the least. Changes for myself, for the world, and for the people around me. There is the age-old saying that "change is good." I think that in different contexts, change can AND is good, but in some contexts, change (depending on when it arrives), can be difficult to swallow, process, and handle.

For example, there are positive changes and negative changes. Both "groups" of changes, have the power to bring "side effects," so to say. Yet, these groups of changes are all driven by our "attitudes." Our attitudes within those moments, our perspectives, and our ability to handle gradual changes, immediate changes, and sudden/unexpected changes, showcase to the world our character.

I have to admit, there have been times in my life where my reaction(s) to change has been one of inadvertently using a close friend/relative as a "scapegoat." It isn't until after I allowed my negative attitude to dictate how I act, that I realized the hurt and heartache that I caused. Reflecting upon situations (as both a kid and as an adult) I have realized that had I taken time to "back away" or "step to the side" and analyzed the situation, then the outcome(s) would have been much different.

And, I think that there are various points within our lives that we feel just like this; a feeling of being "self-absorbed" within the context of our own problems that we have a negative view on change. In these scenarios, I've noticed that I have positively changed as a result of them and grown as a woman. I feel that without these instances in our lives, our growth would be stunted by the mundane facets of routines. A friend once told me that if you're feeling down, then go out and help someone else. Go bring light to another person.

However, when we are faced with change, we can choose to view it as negative (as mentioned above) or as positive. It is important to note that even when change comes across or is presented as negative, it may be difficult to see it as being a positive for quite sometime, due to the cloudy weather that may be affecting the overall perspective of the situation. Let me give you an example.

This year has been one of significant change for me. Throughout this school year, there have been times where I did not know where my job would be for next year. Sometimes, I thought I knew while other times, I wasn't so sure. This made me very unsettled. For about 3 months, I went through this grueling process, all the while not realizing that I was growing in the midst of the heartache. In my opinion, it's changes like this that grow us the most and test our "attitudes" and our ability to handle unexpected things that life throws down the slide. Reflecting back, I had no idea that this uncertainty would actually prove to be a positive thing for me and that my attitude, though it was very challenging to see at first, was changing.

I am proud and happy to say that I have a wonderful school that I will be at for next year. I am looking forward to making and establishing new friendships while maintaining the old ones. And, sometimes, it really is a cliché, but oh, so true, that "when one door closes, another door opens."

I thought that by having to leave, I would be leaving what I knew and was familiar with. But, in all actuality, I am gaining more experience as a teacher. By "moving on" as I like to call this experience, many more opportunities have come my way.

Though I can't disclose these new opportunities just yet, I can say that they are causing me to grow, flourish, and blossom, in ways that I never knew existed. These opportunities will challenge me and cause me to look at education from another standpoint and to be able to directly use my advanced education within my teaching this year. I'm excited to be able to impart wisdom into my new students along with all of the duties and responsibilities that come with saying "yes" to new opportunities.

Because, when you're 27 and in a career that you love, you have to take these opportunities when they come because they may only come knocking once.

And, for a lady that likes a roadmap and a calendar and a schedule of when things are happening, these new opportunities are encouraging me to be "okay" with not "knowing" everything all at once, but being able to gradually learn along the way.

Anyway, for those of you out there who have gone through changes (whether you consider them big or small) or are presently wading through the waters of change, please know this: it's okay. You're going to be alright. Sometimes, it's the uncertainty that pains us more than the knowing. But, once you allow space for yourself to accept the change (as hard as it may be) - then it WILL change your outlook, your attitude, and your beliefs, if you let it. That's the thing. You have to give permission for the change to actually affect your life. We can dream of change but until we actually live it and/or it comes knocking at our door, then we will never understand the effects of it.

When I think about how far I came from a shy and quiet young girl to an outspoken advocate as a teacher in the education of all students with and without special needs, I look back and think "Wow! I honestly can't believe how far I've come." And, for me, this change, this growth as a twenty-something woman, is one that I am very proud of. It has caused me to become more confident in my daily work, in my job, and in my social life. Because of this change, I know who I am in Christ and it is Him that I know who has allowed the doors to open, for opportunities to come in, and give me a hug in order to change me again.

I am so thankful for these recent opportunities and look forward to putting my heart and my soul into them to learn, to provide, to be taught, and to share/add to my knowledge.

That's all for today, folks!
Cheers!

~alex

Authenticity and Sincerity Are Essential in a Man

Finding an honest and genuine guy is a rarity these days. Bob Goff, author of the phenomenal book, Love Does, says it best in regards to following Jesus - however, I believe this same truth can be applied across fields to men and to any relationship, for that matter. Goff is quoted in his book as saying:

..."a lot of people who say they know Jesus have all the right words and all the right moves, but what they don't have is sincerity and authenticity."

Think: little red riding hood meets "a wolf in sheep's clothing,"

In my opinion, I feel that those couple of important, necessary, and defining qualities, that of sincerity and authenticity, are missing from men nowadays and, at the same time, becoming increasingly more infrequent.

Guys can talk a good game and walk a good walk, but if they're not authentic or sincere about life or things that they're passionate about, then it's a dead giveaway to me.

No one human being is born being "authentic" and "sincere." I believe that these two qualities are nurtured through life experiences and, simultaneously, taught (whether it be directly and/or indirectly.) Jesus is a great example, however of a man that is/was both "authentic" and "sincere." He epitomized the development of these qualities and, I feel, characterized them for all of humanity to follow.

In order for one to be sincere, they must be put into situations where they exercise and practice sincerity. Sincerity, however, is a trait that can be faked, and, like any good participant at a masquerade ball, eventually, the mask is removed and all inner qualities are revealed at that precise moment in time.

For example, when a close friend loses a loved one, you may feel sincere about wanting to help that person. With that said, what I like to call a "heart change" happens when you may be feeling the same things or similar things as your friend. Another example puts it this way: when 9/11 happened, I felt inside of my "middle schooler heart" that something, at that moment, was wrong with the world, and I immediately felt sincerity for the people who lost someone or many people.

In addition, I also believe that another important trait that is coupled with sincerity and goes hand-in-hand is that of compassion. Just like with sincerity, compassion is not a trait that everyone has and it must be learned.

As a former teacher of students with special needs, I was constantly teaching my kiddos "life skills," about abstract ideas such as compassion and using kind words and how they have the ability (well, everyone, in fact), to "fill someone's bucket" everyday or to be a "bucket dipper." A great book that points this out that I used throughout this year after observing a teacher who had used it in her classroom is "A Kids Guide to Bucket Filling" and "Have You Filled Your Bucket Today?" by Carol McCloud. Teaching kids that everyone they meet is carrying a bucket and that they have the ultimate power with their words to add to or to take away from their "invisible bucket" is a challenging and daunting task to undertake. But, undertake it, I did, and throughout my entire school year, I made it my mission to teach the kids about the importance of being kind and all of those other qualities that are difficult to put into pictures but oh, so important to share with kids. (On another side note, a great book to teach kids about the theme of "moving on" is "Stars" by Mary Lyn Ray. Pick it up and add it to your collection. You will not be disappointed.)

Anyway, back from my tangent to the original post, "authenticity" and "sincerity."

While I talked about sincerity and it's sister (I feel), "compassion," there is one quality that I believe is vital to any relationship to help it grow. One may liken it to a gardener's "water" when tending a flower bed on a farm, and that is "authenticity."

In order for any relationship to grow, it requires a good, healthy dose of authenticity. Watering with authenticity is sure to make not only the other person or people within that said relationship/friendship grow, but make YOU grow as well.

However, if someone is not "authentic," well, that is easy to spot, much like a weed growing in a sidewalk. Authenticity must be developed, nurtured, and cared for in order for it grow and blossom. If all of those ingredients are not constantly being poured forth into that plant or flower bed, then the plants won't grow and you'll have dry and wilted flowers before spring comes in like a lion.

Sometimes, I feel like I was born in the wrong "era." What I am trying to say is that though I look or "appear" young, I feel that I am quite mature for my age and it is due in part to life experiences that have caused me to grow much quicker than my peers who are in a similar age bracket as I am. As such, being a young and mature woman, (who, as times, feels like she is in her 30's) makes it incredibly challenging to find a guy. Scratch that. Finding a "guy" is the easy part. Honestly, they're everywhere! The harder, and rather, difficult part of the whole process, is locating a "man" within that herd who is outfitted with "authenticity, sincerity and compassion."

I've grown up to be a very independent woman and it would be wonderful to locate a man who does not see or use my independence as a crutch but teaches me to exercise some "dependence" throughout the course of my life. In my experiences with men, it seems that the majority, or, if we're being real with ourselves, lack the honesty and simplicity and instead, exchange those things for a one-night stand or a quick-fix relationship.

I'm looking for something more. Call me crazy, but I would rather wait my entire life for a genuine, honest, heart-felt, sincere, authentic, and compassionate relationship, than go through the whirlwind tunnel of boyfriends who want nothing more than a "trophy wife" to show off to their friends at the next outing.

A guy who is authentic, ladies, will be real and open with you, and will seek to make you happy and yearn to watch you grow. He will seek to add to what you already are and your identity, instead of trying to "take it away" from you. A guy who is authentic, will work to make you laugh and seek the best for you. A guy who is sincere will grieve alongside you but will also be sensitive enough to know when you need your space.

Though I've waited a good portion of my life for such a "man" to come along, I rely on the trust and the hope that someday, our paths will cross and it will happen. It's important to not rush into things just because you desire something. Things like relationships take time and work on both parties and forcing something that is not "meant to be" or causing the petals of the flower to burst open when they have not fully grown yet, is only a recipe for disaster. Build a relationship on friendship first. Get to know the other person. Get to know their whole being and who they are. I can't stress this enough. They are words of wisdom that were taught to me very young and I feel the need to share them with you, too.

At this time, I'm continuing to observe guys and put myself out there. I'm not stopping my daily routines and "going out" just because I don't have a guy. Ladies, please remember, that you are not defined by the "man" who is or is not around your shoulders. A guy should not "define" who you are. Your character and your uniqueness should be the ultimate factors.

For me, I am perfectly comfortable with grabbing a handful of my friends and having a good time bowling, walking in the park, playing basketball, teaching, reading, writing, beachin' it, etc. and, investing in those friendships and what God has placed before me, while I wait patiently for that man to come down the aisle.

And, honestly, if he's dressed in a plaid shirt and shorts, that's fine with me, too. A guy who is comfortable with himself and who he is, who knows his limits and who is respectful, witty, humorous, can make a girl laugh, and is genuinely interested in what she has to say; encourages her to pursue life without a roadmap sometimes; is athletic and eats healthy, enjoys music and is great with kids, that is the guy that I am willing to wait for. I feel that these qualities and many more that are just too numerous to name or mention here are not ones that are directly identifiable in the first few moments of meeting in a relationship, but ones that can be picked out within the time it takes to get to know each other, are, indeed, worth waiting for.

I am not naïve to think that this relationship does not exist; in fact, I know that it does because I've seen, witnessed, and talked to people who are living examples of that right now. And, if I end up bypassing society's "criteria" or "timeframe" for finding a guy, then so be it. For, it is not my place nor time to choose when such a man and I will meet or have met. That is out of my hands and out of my control. And for that, I am truly grateful because I would probably mess it all up.

Until then, I learn about myself, type away, write again, read, spend time with both friends and family, drink coffee with honey, travel, and rest. And, that, my friends, is okay with me.

A Few Thoughts from the Gluten-Free Gal

So, it's been about a good month and a half since I last posted on my blog and I thought that with school vacation this week, now would be an essential time to post.

This year, well within the past few months, actually - if I'm completely honest with you, my readers and myself, my world has changed quite dramatically in ways that I would not have been able to imagine, or predict for that matter, a year ago. My job requirements have shifted. In addition, I will be graduating from college (again!) with my Masters Degree. (As a side note, I will forever be a perpetual student and know that I will return back to the campus someday, for either another degree, an advanced certificate, or a bit of both!)

I've also realized and grappled with the fact that social media has been quite an infatuation for me and that I need to actively pause and take a break from it. With social media, I've come to the understanding that a lot of my opinions (whether consciously or subconsciously) have shaped my newfound views of the world, of relationships and of careers. With this realization, my views have been somewhat distorted recently as I've pushed back spending time with God and reading his word and accepted the fact that "floating" or "cruising" in life by myself is "okay."

Yet, I know in my heart, that God wants to do more with me in life than just "cruising" and going on "autopilot." He seeks to have me be a shining light to people that have been put in my life to teach me about things that I long for, struggle with, and seek to grow from. When life seems like it is moving too slow or too fast for me and ceases to meet my expectations, it's in those moments where I am reminded that I am not alone, that God's expectations are the ones that really matter, and that traveling on this journey with a group of people, who are equally as passionate about living their lives to the fullest every single day, is of the utmost importance.

I know that I've said this before and made multiple references to it in previous blog posts, but it bears reiteration because life is so much more than status, media, and fame. Yet, when we become comfortable with our normal everyday routines (as predictable and comforting as they may be) and we fail to see the importance in being perfectly imperfect at accepting the true presence in those moments, that we fail at being truly "present" at all. And, suffice it to say, sometimes I've been so caught up in comparing my life to that of others, that I've missed the simple moments that are really the best and most prolific moments of my life, with thoughts that they are mundane and not of importance.

Most recently, I've realized that as a soon-to-be graduate (yet again) that there are a couple of things that separate me from late twenty-somethings who are in my age bracket as well. For example, I often find myself comparing my life to that of others, particularly in one specific area: relationships. When I had coffee with a friend today, I realized that I am going to (and currently) missing out on my life when I constantly "size myself up" to people who are in relationships and/or who are conquering major milestones in their lives. Consciously, I know that I should not be comparing my life to theirs, but rather, celebrating their life and mine alongside each other. How different would my perspective be if I did that?

Secondly, I find myself feeling "bad" and "sorry" for myself that I am in my late twenties and the only one from my graduating class of about 10 women not in a relationship, not married, and without any children. Yet, I realize that in reflecting upon my status as a woman and my value and worth, that when I "guilt trip" myself, I am actually devaluing myself as a woman instead of appreciating and celebrating the things that God has allowed me to accomplish and worked for me in my twenties. And, I am in a relationship, actually: in my job as teacher, married to my profession and to the people that I serve (neighbors and coworkers alike) and that I do have "kids," my students that I get the joy and the privilege of teaching everyday.

As I've reflected upon returning back to writing again, I keep thinking, "who would want to read my posts?" yet realizing, that is an irrational thought that has no place in my life for an educated woman. And yes, though I do not have a "relationship" or "potential suitor" yet, I am grateful for the women who are in my life that have wonderfully life-giving relationships that I can look up to and point to as examples for when I have my own relationship with someday.

I think one of the struggles and hardships that young women face nowadays is that society dictates and already has this preconceived notion that young women should be married and have families early on. Granted, that scenario does happen, and, I always thought that it would happen to me, but for some reason, God decided early on that waiting and drawing me closer to him in this time as a single and independent young woman would make me stronger and use this time of being single to grow me. That is to say, he's still working on me, folks! We are all a work in progress and always training and learning more about ourselves, our lives, and the people who are put into our lives that we serve everyday.

I've come to the realization that as I get my thoughts onto paper (well, typed onto the computer), I've become trapped in the cycle that is social media and the ramifications that it brings. Not only is it bad for my eyes by constantly staring at my phone off and on all of the time, but I seek and look for approval in insignificant things that I never used to before, like those little red notifications! And the "likes" that go along with them. I mean, if we are all completely honest with ourselves for a few moments, how often do we stop what we are doing, whether it's in a conversation, etc. to check our phones or social media pages for updates and comments? My tiny fingers hurt just from doing that! And that's without writing a daily schedule on the chalkboard and all of the other "finger type tasks" that come with being a teacher to elementary school-aged children.

But, this post is less about social media (though it has done wonderful things for our world) and more about finding our value and our worth in society. At this point in my young life, I've met and acknowledged many milestones that I am well aware not many people get to experience in their twenties. And, when I sit back and ponder all of that, I am excited. Finding a husband (well, ceasing the search and being content with who I am), that my friends, is just another piece in this cobblestone pathway of my life.

Ladies, (and guys, too), lets try to acknowledge when we, and where we, tend to place our value and worth in things that are minute and that we really don't have much control over and decide, instead, to expend that energy on having tea with a neighbor, or getting up a little extra early to see the sunrise, or picking up some flowers at the grocery for a friend that needs a little "pick me up". Let's work on creating a life that God so desperately wants us to be fully present in rather than wading in the waters of another life that we have no part being in. Imagine how much our world would change and the ripples that we could cause, permeating to other islands and how our viewpoints would change if we just did that. If we just simply lived.

For my life is not about the man that does or does not have his hand around my waist - but about the life that I am fully embracing, in my own imperfect way - one day at a time.

-cheers.