He turned my world upside down

"Sell everything and give it to the poor."

That's a scary thought.

Shane Claiborne says that "God comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable." Jesus calls us not to preach from pulpits but to live a simple life that's not very simple at all. To love when our body tells us to yell. To stay when we just want to walk away. To hug when our mind tells us to judge. To let God do the giving rather than have us bandage a wound with our meaningless material items.

Just yesterday, I saw my cousin who was very sad. The stresses of a daily week and a new semester at school were just piling up on her leaving little room to take a clean breath of fresh air. My words did nothing. I felt powerless standing in the middle of the bookstore only able to give a hug. But through that hug, I saw Jesus and I knew that regardless of what those other twenty or so people in the bookstore thought of a girl in a bright pink coat hugging a crying woman, I knew within my heart that this is Christianity.

Love Has a Face

This morning, I continued my journey in the book, Irresistible Revolution, by Shane Claiborne. It's weird how things work. I listen to something (anything for that matter) repeatedly and assume that I've got it nailed only to realize that I have missed the true essence. You can say to someone: "I love you" but not love and the action is meaningless because it was not birthed in love but rather, obligation. Sometimes the best moments in life are the ones that are left unsaid; simply two people enjoying each other's company bound by the common string of love.

Claiborne tells a story about love, one that requires a person to actually live like Jesus did. See if you are able to recognize that true meaning of Christianity, that the actual heart of God cannot be explained away by science or wrapped neatly in a gift box. His defintion of love applies to everyday where his followers are required (because they seek a greater kingdom here on earth) to love in the most simplest of ways.

"Most days I would go to the clinic run by the lepers-become-doctors, and a line would form as people waited to be treated. The doctors would lay out a huge pile of cotton about four feet high, and my job was to roll cotton balls for them as they cared for one another. I would watch intently, fascinated by their love and compassion. One afternoon as things were winding down, one of the doctors had to leave early, but there were a few patients still waiting to be seen. He looked at me and emphatically said, "You know how this works; you have been watching. It's your turn." Startled, I just stared at him. I had been watching, and I did know what to do, but I wasn't sure I dared. I came forward and sat in the doctor's seat and began staring into the next patient's eyes, and the decision had already been made. I began carefully dressing the man's wound. He stared at me with such intentisty that it felt like he was looking into my soul. Every once in a while he would slowly close his eyes."

"When I was finished, he said to me that sacred word I had come to love: "Namaste." I smiled with tears in my eyes and whispered, "Jesus." He saw Jesus in me. And I saw Jesus in him. I remember thinking back to the stained-glass window my United Methodist church bought for over $100,000. I saw a clearer glimpse of Jesus in this leper's eyes than any stained-glasss window could ever give me." (Claiborne 83-84)

this is what i want to do.

to simply love.
to be.
just as jesus was for me.

A Thought to Chew On

"Everyone has pebbles in their mocassins."

"...but the greatest of these is love."

"Love without courage and wisdom is sentimentality, as with the ordinary church member. Courage without love and wisdom is foolhardiness, as with the ordinary soldier. Wisdom without love and courage is cowardice, as with the ordinary intellectual. But the one who has love, courage, and wisdom moves the world."

-Ammon Hennacy, Catholic activist
1893 - 1970

Clean House

High school.
A time of fitting in and discovering oneself.
Raging hormones and school dances.
Senior pranks and memorable moments.

Lately, I've been going through a lot of my old high school papers. Partly because they're invading my house and partly because I don't need 9th grade tests, cnidarian fact sheets, and pre-calculus math problems anymore. Instead, I've graduated to participating in friendships, job searching, and pondering about my future life. All of which seem quite foreign yet very near. How is that the phrase "time flies" holds true to so many aspects of our lives? Why can I willingly release the balloon of old research papers and cannot begin to fathom letting go of the memories? Memories that went into writing notes or making a Beowulf rap? Memories of friends and that life changing event, "graduation" seem so far away yet when I unlock that door to reveal these past successes, I remember the smiles and joyful embraces.

But sometimes, when I unlock these doors, I am reminded of memories that were hurtful and destructive. Broken friendships gone sour, moments of silent suffering, and difficult circumstances.

Yet, through all of these memories, I am reminded that God was there with me. He was the one guiding me and pulling me through that inner tube of mixed emotions and beauty. He was the one constantly chasing after me to transform and create a new person.

So, whatever became of all those papers? All eight bags have been shredded and will be out on the curb Monday.

I Am Thankful

this new year i vow to:

- take time to smell the roses
- birdwatch
- paint and draw
- go for a bike ride
- try something new
- love others
- smile
- be content with what i have
- i will give thanks daily
- i will place the needs of others before mine and ask, "what may i do to help?"
- i will give without expecting anything in return
- i will give from the heart and not from the flesh

enjoy life. enjoy the sun. go sit outside. grab a coat, a chair and breathe in the fresh air. appreciate nature. god did. he looked at it all and saw that it was good. thankfulness comes from an awareness and acceptance of what a person has been given and where they have come from. to be thankful means to truly be content. to be content means to truly be thankful.