Hi Faithful Friends, readers, and those who are just passing by:
I realize that I haven't posted on my blog in about 3 months, so I wanted to give you all an update on this season of my life.
This year, rather, these past 18 months (or 1.5 years), have been incredibly busy, fruitful, and filled with a plethora of experiences, to say the least. I have learned a great deal about myself, about other people, about working hard towards a goal, about pressing forward when you feel like just giving up, and about the importance of growth within that conglomerate of a smoothie.
Needless to say, my life has gone through a lot of ups and downs all within this span of a year and a half, and, if you asked me if it would have taken such a turn as this, I would have responded with a resounding "no."
Well, let me back up and start at the beginning - as all good stories are told. Yet, some - are equally engaging starting at the end. Alas, mine will begin 18 months ago.
It is important to note that in July of 2014, my grandfather passed away. He was an amazing role model, a man that I looked up to, not only because of his accomplishments, but also because of his wealth of experiences and knowledge. He was one of two people who inspired me to become a teacher, and not having him available on the weekends to talk to about the profession, was very difficult for me. To this day, I miss his husky voice, his laugh, his sense of humor (oh goodness, he had a GREAT sense of humor!), and the way that he served both his family and his country. He was a dedicated father, husband, son, and grandfather and his presence is felt everyday.
Following his death, it was strange to stop visiting him on the weekends. Routines changed, seasons came and went, and the new school year started again. I found myself in Graduate School to further my education (I think that I will forever be a perpetual student). I have often wished that my Grandfather could see my classroom today, that he would walk right in and build things for me (like a shelf or a bookcase) to put next to my desk or to see me walk across the stage for a second time with my Masters Degree, or to see me walk down the aisle, someday with my future husband. But, I have come to the conclusion that although he is gone, his memory still lives in my heart and will always be with me forever.
As a Graduate student and a full-time teacher, my schedule became filled pretty quickly. I knew that going into the program I would have a limited "social life", and that it would be a lot of work, but I don't think I fully realized the impact of this choice. Yet, here I am, 17 months later (only 1 more month to go!) and almost finished. I learned (and am still learning) about the importance of balancing my time and being okay with saying "no" to certain things in order to open the door to saying "yes" to other things.
Throughout this time period of my life, I have also experienced my fair share of people who have all-to often asked me: "So, what's new?" Which, inevitably leads to the response, "I am a teacher and a full-time Graduate Student. I also bought my own home." That scenario eventually (rather quickly, I might add), then somersaults on it's head to the "So, are you seeing anyone?" To which I reply, "no." Then, the exchange navigates to "Well, you're still young." or "Take your time." or "There's no rush." or "You'll know when you're ready." (encouraging, right?)
It's this last piece that gets me every time. For some reason, my life has taken a professional turn at a young age and for that, I am thankful. I am thankful that I have a job that I love, a home that I can come home to every day, and the opportunity to further my education at a college that has given me so much already. To me, the guy is the "icing on the cake." Apparently, I have very "fine" taste (haha), and the butterflies and dates haven't happened yet. But, I know that God honors the desires of your heart, because I have seen him do it in other parts of my life before. And so, it's in patience and respect, that I wait.
As I look back on this season of my life, there have been lots of, what appears to be, "promising potentials," but something has always happened that God later shows me, "it wasn't meant to be." But, through each of those interactions, I am thankful that I have learned about myself, how to care for other people, and how to value their opinions. I have also started understanding the importance of dating and marriage and would love to have a guy who puts those solid values ahead of every thing in order for us to learn from each other, to learn with each other and to learn about each other.
In addition, I've learned that when I am faced with a boatload of stress, my initial reaction is to try and "control things." But, I cannot. What I have noticed about myself and my growth, is that I am my own worst critic. Once I have decided to set aside those fear and worries in my own life, then my potential for completing tasks in a short amount of time, seem much more feasible. I am also more focused on how to help other people, too.
As a teacher, I work in a fast-paced environment, where I am required to be flexible, change and adjust curriculum on a moment's notice, and play the roles of nurse, teacher, janitor, meteorologist, and more, all in one day. I rarely have time to sit and to "just be," something that I dearly miss from college. Being a member of the "adult world" for some time now, I have learned how to navigate through the seaweed of waters and am still learning how to row against the tide in order to follow my heart and dreams into what I know and believe is right and true.
As a woman, I've learned that I can grab inner strength from God and that my worth doesn't come from my work alone. God is the one who supplies me with strength that I need for each day and it is He, who provides me with just enough stamina to get through each day. I've learned about myself as a person, the things that I value, the importance of being involved in a community of like-minded people and of people that share differing views that can both challenge you and strengthen you.
Though I am not perfect, I am trying. Though I find sleeping in a treat, I am able to wake up early in the morning to start my day and now find mornings filled with anticipation and wonder. I find it comforting to drive into work watching the sun peak on the horizon, though I do miss the warmth of my own bed :)
I've learned how to remain true in my own beliefs even when challenged by people. I've learned how to respect people's decisions by respectfully disagreeing. I've learned how to be independent and set-apart in a world where society says that you constantly need to alert every one about your whereabouts.
There are struggles, though. Every one has them. Behind every smiling face on Facebook or Instagram post, people are hurting. It's up to us to spend the time to be with them, to pull back those layers, and to assure them, however broken that we are, what God assured us long ago : "That we will never leave them nor forsake them," though we do fail often.
I find it challenging to make time for myself. I love going for runs outside; this past week, I went for 4! I used to write a lot for leisure and read books! I love to write poetry and could spend hours reading a book that I would finish in a day or two. I miss being with friends and finding that balance between a social life and a work life. Yet, with each passing sunset, I am slowly coming around to experiencing that again in new, delightful ways.
I've learned that everything happens for a reason - and sometimes, we may never know what that "reason is." I've learned that being "busy" and being a "workaholic" does not last forever and is only for a season. I'm thankful for my life and for the community of people who have been positioned around me to support me. I'm incredibly indebted to my parents and to my friends.
I've learned that blackberry jam tastes sweet and there is nothing like a warm summer night. I've learned that every experience carries a memory, that flies upwards like a hot air balloon, or nose-dives like a toddler trying to fly a kite. I've learned that life teaches you so much about yourself and the world every day, and it is up to us to pick up on those lessons in order for us to grow more as a well-rounded and holistic citizen of our neighborhoods, our country, and our family; even as time extends beyond the typing of this post.
cheers.
