So, it's been about a good month and a half since I last posted on my blog and I thought that with school vacation this week, now would be an essential time to post.
This year, well within the past few months, actually - if I'm completely honest with you, my readers and myself, my world has changed quite dramatically in ways that I would not have been able to imagine, or predict for that matter, a year ago. My job requirements have shifted. In addition, I will be graduating from college (again!) with my Masters Degree. (As a side note, I will forever be a perpetual student and know that I will return back to the campus someday, for either another degree, an advanced certificate, or a bit of both!)
I've also realized and grappled with the fact that social media has been quite an infatuation for me and that I need to actively pause and take a break from it. With social media, I've come to the understanding that a lot of my opinions (whether consciously or subconsciously) have shaped my newfound views of the world, of relationships and of careers. With this realization, my views have been somewhat distorted recently as I've pushed back spending time with God and reading his word and accepted the fact that "floating" or "cruising" in life by myself is "okay."
Yet, I know in my heart, that God wants to do more with me in life than just "cruising" and going on "autopilot." He seeks to have me be a shining light to people that have been put in my life to teach me about things that I long for, struggle with, and seek to grow from. When life seems like it is moving too slow or too fast for me and ceases to meet my expectations, it's in those moments where I am reminded that I am not alone, that God's expectations are the ones that really matter, and that traveling on this journey with a group of people, who are equally as passionate about living their lives to the fullest every single day, is of the utmost importance.
I know that I've said this before and made multiple references to it in previous blog posts, but it bears reiteration because life is so much more than status, media, and fame. Yet, when we become comfortable with our normal everyday routines (as predictable and comforting as they may be) and we fail to see the importance in being perfectly imperfect at accepting the true presence in those moments, that we fail at being truly "present" at all. And, suffice it to say, sometimes I've been so caught up in comparing my life to that of others, that I've missed the simple moments that are really the best and most prolific moments of my life, with thoughts that they are mundane and not of importance.
Most recently, I've realized that as a soon-to-be graduate (yet again) that there are a couple of things that separate me from late twenty-somethings who are in my age bracket as well. For example, I often find myself comparing my life to that of others, particularly in one specific area: relationships. When I had coffee with a friend today, I realized that I am going to (and currently) missing out on my life when I constantly "size myself up" to people who are in relationships and/or who are conquering major milestones in their lives. Consciously, I know that I should not be comparing my life to theirs, but rather, celebrating their life and mine alongside each other. How different would my perspective be if I did that?
Secondly, I find myself feeling "bad" and "sorry" for myself that I am in my late twenties and the only one from my graduating class of about 10 women not in a relationship, not married, and without any children. Yet, I realize that in reflecting upon my status as a woman and my value and worth, that when I "guilt trip" myself, I am actually devaluing myself as a woman instead of appreciating and celebrating the things that God has allowed me to accomplish and worked for me in my twenties. And, I am in a relationship, actually: in my job as teacher, married to my profession and to the people that I serve (neighbors and coworkers alike) and that I do have "kids," my students that I get the joy and the privilege of teaching everyday.
As I've reflected upon returning back to writing again, I keep thinking, "who would want to read my posts?" yet realizing, that is an irrational thought that has no place in my life for an educated woman. And yes, though I do not have a "relationship" or "potential suitor" yet, I am grateful for the women who are in my life that have wonderfully life-giving relationships that I can look up to and point to as examples for when I have my own relationship with someday.
I think one of the struggles and hardships that young women face nowadays is that society dictates and already has this preconceived notion that young women should be married and have families early on. Granted, that scenario does happen, and, I always thought that it would happen to me, but for some reason, God decided early on that waiting and drawing me closer to him in this time as a single and independent young woman would make me stronger and use this time of being single to grow me. That is to say, he's still working on me, folks! We are all a work in progress and always training and learning more about ourselves, our lives, and the people who are put into our lives that we serve everyday.
I've come to the realization that as I get my thoughts onto paper (well, typed onto the computer), I've become trapped in the cycle that is social media and the ramifications that it brings. Not only is it bad for my eyes by constantly staring at my phone off and on all of the time, but I seek and look for approval in insignificant things that I never used to before, like those little red notifications! And the "likes" that go along with them. I mean, if we are all completely honest with ourselves for a few moments, how often do we stop what we are doing, whether it's in a conversation, etc. to check our phones or social media pages for updates and comments? My tiny fingers hurt just from doing that! And that's without writing a daily schedule on the chalkboard and all of the other "finger type tasks" that come with being a teacher to elementary school-aged children.
But, this post is less about social media (though it has done wonderful things for our world) and more about finding our value and our worth in society. At this point in my young life, I've met and acknowledged many milestones that I am well aware not many people get to experience in their twenties. And, when I sit back and ponder all of that, I am excited. Finding a husband (well, ceasing the search and being content with who I am), that my friends, is just another piece in this cobblestone pathway of my life.
Ladies, (and guys, too), lets try to acknowledge when we, and where we, tend to place our value and worth in things that are minute and that we really don't have much control over and decide, instead, to expend that energy on having tea with a neighbor, or getting up a little extra early to see the sunrise, or picking up some flowers at the grocery for a friend that needs a little "pick me up". Let's work on creating a life that God so desperately wants us to be fully present in rather than wading in the waters of another life that we have no part being in. Imagine how much our world would change and the ripples that we could cause, permeating to other islands and how our viewpoints would change if we just did that. If we just simply lived.
For my life is not about the man that does or does not have his hand around my waist - but about the life that I am fully embracing, in my own imperfect way - one day at a time.
-cheers.
