A friend recently told me that "relationships are not fast food." We had been sitting in a bakery, talking about the all-too familiar, yet somehow, distantly, confusing topic of romantic relationships. My friend then had come forth with this profound truth that relationships, in essence, specifically romantic ones, are not your run-of-the-mill Happy Meal or #7, steak and cheese on a bagel breakfast sandwich.
As much as our human nature tries, relationships can't be made to order and sometimes, the customer (us) is not always right. Relationships can't be "prepped" beforehand, in an effort to make the overall meal easier to put together, conveniently catered to our taste buds, and just the way we like it.
Relationships require that you leave the "long-term planning," in order to step into the unfamiliar of the "short-term." In that, you are working to get to know another person.
As an Elementary School Teacher, who is used to planning every second of every school day of every lesson, while always having Plan B and Plan C and even sometimes Plan D in the back of her mind, this part is a struggle. The day-to-day getting to know a man is both challenging and difficult because, as this same friend shared: there are no "lesson plans" for dating. They just don't exist. There are those helpful hints, but until you've been in it, it's hard to make a blanket statement that covers everybody. I've come to realize, as I continue in my mid-twenties, that relationships are an on-going process that extends far beyond the "I do" wedding vows that are exchanged during matrimony.
This is not to say that previous relationships don't prepare you for future ones. I truly believe that past romantic relationships teach you as much about yourself as how to care for another person. Most importantly, they teach you how to put another human being's needs and interests before your very own. And though I cannot plan for romantic relationships and even will them to happen, what I can do is be confident in that I know the type of man I am looking for; one with character, dignity, and a love for children. I can be firm in the things that I am looking for in terms of beliefs and I can also know the areas of my life where compromises are required and healthy. It is with great humility, that this self less act is poignant in those relationships in which couples are married for many, many years.
The one main lesson I've learned by listening to friends who have been in relationships (both for the short and the long-term) is that "you can't always have it your way." Reflecting upon my twenties as a single woman, shows me that, for some reason, my life has taken a professional turn at a young age. For that, I am thankful that I have this part of my life established and rooted. I know my identity and I am comfortable with myself and who I am.
And, on the other hand, my life didn't turn out as the Happy Meal I would have hoped. I didn't meet that special "someone" during college, fall in love, get married, have a job, have 2.5 kids with a white picket fence and then go back to school. Instead, my life navigated differently from most, society didn't determine who I was ultimately going to be, but rather, I determined that. God revealed that instead of falling in love early in my twenties with a guy, I fell in love with teaching. Instead of getting married and having only 2.5 kids, I became committed to my teaching job and now have up to 12 students every year! Instead of having a house with a white picket fence and then going back to school, I'm finishing up my Masters Degree now and am a young homeowner.
I'm proud of what I have accomplished thus far. I know that someday, when my guy and I finally do cross paths, it will be the right time. This period of singleness and waiting, has allowed me to focus on other tasks that are important to me and passions that I had no idea were inside me. I developed my goals and have even attained some of my dreams. Now, I am just seeking a guy who wants to come along with me for the ride. And, I know that God has been orchestrating it all along. I'm thankful that I have not experienced multiple romantic heartbreaks yet, but rather, my heart melting for the career path of teaching that I have chosen to take.
Relationships come and relationships go. But true relationships stay with you forever.
-cheers.
