Time and time again, I find myself in the very same spot.
Convinced that I should be doing "something" when, in reality, that "something" is simply being myself.
I've noticed that all too often, I let other people, places, things, circumstances, gifts, talents, etc. define who I am and forget that is "my" view of myself. I always seem to forget that God views me as his Beloved. God views me as his Daughter. God views me as his Chosen One. I've arrived to the point that when I go through seasons of busyness in my life, I tend to forget this truth.
I tend to forget that God validates me and that I can stop the constant search on social media for "likes" and "comments" to validate my identity and my worth. I can stop the, what seems at times, "social media infatuation", where I suppress my very own pain by not confronting it head on.
God has told me over and over again how much I am worth to him. In his eyes, I am beautiful. Yet, sometimes, I accept the polluted thoughts that I need a man to validate who I am. But this is not true. I am worthy because of who I am, not because of who I am with. It's in times like these where God picks me up in his arms, caresses me, and lovingly brings me back to him. We unite, and for that moment, I know that I am back home.
I have recently felt that I am cradled in his arms, much like a newborn infant is cradled in his/her mother's arms. God has created me specifically for this season of singleness. He has created me to go through it, to endure it, to succeed in it, because he is trying to teach me something. I think that too often, (as women, at least), we feel like we've lost out on "something." (Insert whatever comes into mind to find your "something.") Though I cannot answer the question as to "why" I have been single for so long, I can say that as a single woman, I have been able to interact and help other single women in their search and their quest for Jesus. I am able to participate in this work because I am single. God has even given me grace to connect with other women who are in relationships and in places to be mentored. Because of my experience as a single woman, I have opened myself up to be the mentee, too.
God has chosen me to go through this long period of "waiting." I have to admit, it is not easy at times. In fact, it's quite challenging when I see friends in relationships and look at my own "status" and wonder "when will my time come?" And then I realize that I should not measure my advancement or lack thereof in relationships with another person's. But rather, I should pray for them and seek to learn from their experiences, too.
I truly believe that women need to become comfortable with who they are (that is, their identity) in Christ, before they can even begin to engage in appropriate relationships with the opposite sex. I have embraced that challenge of having healthy friendships and thus, I have learned more about myself and the type of guy that I am looking for.
For example, I have learned that I am stronger than I was yesterday. I have learned that my hope is in Jesus and that a couple of my spiritual gifts are encouraging and teaching people. I have learned that in by being faithful to my church community, that will help me to be faithful to my future family and husband. I have learned from my friends who have been in relationships, that they are far from easy. I have learned that relationships take a certain commitment, require time, and exceptional investment into the life of the other person. I have learned that through my experience as a teacher and graduate student, I am already practicing good parental skills, time management, financial responsibility, and the importance of having a healthy lifestyle. I have learned that when I feel like I am "missing out" on specific things that I think only pertain to relationships, I am really practicing a whole host of other skills that I need to be fluent in before I tackle the boyfriend/girlfriend part of my life.
As I reflect on this part of my life, I realize that I am glad to be learning these skills now as a single woman rather than later, in a relationship. I am glad that I am able to manage my life and to have quiet times to reflect, too. I know that someday, my future husband and I will finally meet. I know that it won't be pure bliss, but that I will already come equipped with the necessary skills that I need to interact in our relationship in a healthy and productive way. In addition, I know that there are some things that I need to work on.
This season of singleness has shown me what I am looking for in a romantic relationship and that in terms of specifics (like the time of day, location, and time), that can be left up to God. Because, after all, God is the Creator and I am the created work of His hands.
