A friend and I recently met for coffee. Did you know, (at least for me, anyway) that the best conversations happen over coffee? There is something so profound about holding a beverage (cold, warm, or both) in your hands and having a conversation with someone. It's almost as if the beverage serves as a "bridge" between the conversation and what your intentions are with that person. Having a beverage in your hands makes communication easier and also gives you something to hold onto.
Anyway, my favorite daytime beverage of choice in this hot and humid weather that we've been having (we're in a heatwave, folks!) is iced coffee with honey! Today, I tried something new. For those of you who know me, you know that I am a creature of habit and once I find something that I like, it is hard to get me to even attempt to change. Well, change, I did and I am happy that I created space for this simple, minute event to occur. Haha - all that said and I tried a sangria iced tea with fresh fruit. It was really, really good! All those blackberries, orange slices, and fruit really made the tea worthwhile.
Alas, enough with these tangents. And, onto the rest of my story. By the way, as I sit here typing this post, I am drinking chamomile tea with agave nectar. Yes, it is something new that I tried during my recent week long trip to Connecticut. :)
Back to the story where my friend and I met for coffee. I enjoy having those friendships, and treasure them, really; you know the friends that you can call up and talk to the on the phone and meet, like that day or a day (or two) later? Yes, those are the friendships that I live for. And, as I grow older, I have come to the realization that I have less "close" friends and more "acquaintances" and sometimes, friends become acquaintances depending upon the seasons of your life and of theirs. (That's another story for a future blog post. Hehe.)
So, as we sat in the coffee shop and exchanged stories about our lives, we celebrated the good things that were happening and the things that we hoped would get better. As we conversed about life and dreams, our talk meandered back to a topic that we always seem to navigate towards: relationships. And, as I sat listening, I wondered: Do attachment and infatuation occur at the same time in a relationship? How long does it take for a person to let their guard down and/or open up in a relationship? What makes some relationships easier to move on from and others more difficult and challenging?
As a teacher, my mind immediately went to trying to create a visual for these types of questions. My friend and I sat drinking coffee while we "mapped" out a graph of these important, and I'd like to say, essential questions that are key to any relationship on napkins.
Here are some things that, upon reflection, I discovered:
1) Attachment and infatuation arrive at different times in a relationship. Sometimes, you may not like a person who is interested in you at the same time as they do. It may take you a little longer. We often confuse "infatuation" with "love" when, I would argue, that "infatuation" is our "puppy love" or our "idealized version" of how we envision our romantic love to be with that "said" person. It takes time to become attached to someone and to the point where you're feelings may overlap on certain issues, as you start to enjoy being in the company and in the presence of that other person. (I've attached (no pun intended) a link below to an article that was published. It is lengthy, but a good and detailed read, nonetheless.)
Attraction, Infatuation, and Love Article by the English Review
2) It takes time for a person to let their guard down AND open up to another who they find themselves interested in. It does not occur at the same time for each person and one may experience the feeling of "openness" long before the other person. Therefore, it is imperative to exercise sensitivity for both yourself and the other person involved. I've observed that sometimes, in relationships, people can expect too much too soon and crave too much too quickly when the waters are receding and the tide is going out. If you identify more as the person who enjoys "galloping," maybe it's time you slow that horse to a walk, in order to allow the other person to walk beside you, at their own pace. Studies show (google it!) that men who are attracted to women will slow down their pace in order to walk with her. Maybe, in relationships, the "gallopers" need to try doing a similar thing.
For me, I am more of a "walk-around-the-stable-and-maybe-trot" kind of lady rather than a "gallop" girl. Guys who are too quick to rush into things with me and take me to a pond to find water first often do not have the same affect on me as men who take the time to walk or trot beside me. In essence, it takes more "time" for me to let my guard down because of past experiences that have influenced and jaded my perspective on relationships and dating. I need a guy who is willing to wait and to see me for who I am (as cliché as that sounds).
3) Lastly, being in a relationship comes with a lot of emotional, physical, and mental baggage. Some relationships, (I'm sure you have friends who have experienced this or you may be experiencing it right now) take time to "get over." Even those two words "getting over" may not suffice it enough. Society can offer advice and their "peanut gallery" for us, but it is up to you to learn from it. You may still remember certain things about a person, such as the way they smelled after they showered or how they lifted that piece of falling hair from your face to behind your ear. Some of those memories will never leave because they are ingrained in you. They have become tattooed on your soul as a permanent part of you. For me, I don't necessarily "get over" someone, per say, but I learn to "move on" from my "infatuation" or "attachment" to a guy.
All that to say, not all guys are "boys." There are some good men out there. My favorite quote to use whenever I get asked if I'm "seeing anybody" is "yes. lots of boys but no men." Because, there is a difference between a man and a man who is disguised as a boy. I'd rather wait for the latter, and if that means my career is off to a rocking good start, then I'll take it. Someday, I know that my time to meet a wonderful guy will come, but until then, I have to maintain and be faithful in the friendships that I have been given. I have to sow into them and be present for the people that God has placed into my life to learn from them, be taught from them, to serve them, and to also allow myself to grow from them. My friendships with guys who value women have taught me one important thing: (and my hair stylist said it best and on numerous occasions to me) that because my standards are high (though not unreasonable), the quality of the man that I meet will be higher and, because of that, he will appreciate me for the things that I have done in my early life and for who I am and appropriately, see that as a challenge and work to stay with me. He will also be the type of man that will seek to help me grow and teach me the times where it's okay to let my guard down. In that case, love can be likened to a parabola. Sometimes, you're up, sometimes, you're down, but in between, you share the same origin - that you have feelings for each other.
And, since that type of relationship is worth waiting for to me, then wait I shall. Because, I'm expectantly hopeful that he is waiting, too.
-cheers!
Saturday, July 16, 2016
Saturday, July 9, 2016
"Moving On"
Dear Readers,
This past year has been full of changes, to say the least. Changes for myself, for the world, and for the people around me. There is the age-old saying that "change is good." I think that in different contexts, change can AND is good, but in some contexts, change (depending on when it arrives), can be difficult to swallow, process, and handle.
For example, there are positive changes and negative changes. Both "groups" of changes, have the power to bring "side effects," so to say. Yet, these groups of changes are all driven by our "attitudes." Our attitudes within those moments, our perspectives, and our ability to handle gradual changes, immediate changes, and sudden/unexpected changes, showcase to the world our character.
I have to admit, there have been times in my life where my reaction(s) to change has been one of inadvertently using a close friend/relative as a "scapegoat." It isn't until after I allowed my negative attitude to dictate how I act, that I realized the hurt and heartache that I caused. Reflecting upon situations (as both a kid and as an adult) I have realized that had I taken time to "back away" or "step to the side" and analyzed the situation, then the outcome(s) would have been much different.
And, I think that there are various points within our lives that we feel just like this; a feeling of being "self-absorbed" within the context of our own problems that we have a negative view on change. In these scenarios, I've noticed that I have positively changed as a result of them and grown as a woman. I feel that without these instances in our lives, our growth would be stunted by the mundane facets of routines. A friend once told me that if you're feeling down, then go out and help someone else. Go bring light to another person.
However, when we are faced with change, we can choose to view it as negative (as mentioned above) or as positive. It is important to note that even when change comes across or is presented as negative, it may be difficult to see it as being a positive for quite sometime, due to the cloudy weather that may be affecting the overall perspective of the situation. Let me give you an example.
This year has been one of significant change for me. Throughout this school year, there have been times where I did not know where my job would be for next year. Sometimes, I thought I knew while other times, I wasn't so sure. This made me very unsettled. For about 3 months, I went through this grueling process, all the while not realizing that I was growing in the midst of the heartache. In my opinion, it's changes like this that grow us the most and test our "attitudes" and our ability to handle unexpected things that life throws down the slide. Reflecting back, I had no idea that this uncertainty would actually prove to be a positive thing for me and that my attitude, though it was very challenging to see at first, was changing.
I am proud and happy to say that I have a wonderful school that I will be at for next year. I am looking forward to making and establishing new friendships while maintaining the old ones. And, sometimes, it really is a cliché, but oh, so true, that "when one door closes, another door opens."
I thought that by having to leave, I would be leaving what I knew and was familiar with. But, in all actuality, I am gaining more experience as a teacher. By "moving on" as I like to call this experience, many more opportunities have come my way.
Though I can't disclose these new opportunities just yet, I can say that they are causing me to grow, flourish, and blossom, in ways that I never knew existed. These opportunities will challenge me and cause me to look at education from another standpoint and to be able to directly use my advanced education within my teaching this year. I'm excited to be able to impart wisdom into my new students along with all of the duties and responsibilities that come with saying "yes" to new opportunities.
Because, when you're 27 and in a career that you love, you have to take these opportunities when they come because they may only come knocking once.
And, for a lady that likes a roadmap and a calendar and a schedule of when things are happening, these new opportunities are encouraging me to be "okay" with not "knowing" everything all at once, but being able to gradually learn along the way.
Anyway, for those of you out there who have gone through changes (whether you consider them big or small) or are presently wading through the waters of change, please know this: it's okay. You're going to be alright. Sometimes, it's the uncertainty that pains us more than the knowing. But, once you allow space for yourself to accept the change (as hard as it may be) - then it WILL change your outlook, your attitude, and your beliefs, if you let it. That's the thing. You have to give permission for the change to actually affect your life. We can dream of change but until we actually live it and/or it comes knocking at our door, then we will never understand the effects of it.
When I think about how far I came from a shy and quiet young girl to an outspoken advocate as a teacher in the education of all students with and without special needs, I look back and think "Wow! I honestly can't believe how far I've come." And, for me, this change, this growth as a twenty-something woman, is one that I am very proud of. It has caused me to become more confident in my daily work, in my job, and in my social life. Because of this change, I know who I am in Christ and it is Him that I know who has allowed the doors to open, for opportunities to come in, and give me a hug in order to change me again.
I am so thankful for these recent opportunities and look forward to putting my heart and my soul into them to learn, to provide, to be taught, and to share/add to my knowledge.
That's all for today, folks!
Cheers!
~alex
This past year has been full of changes, to say the least. Changes for myself, for the world, and for the people around me. There is the age-old saying that "change is good." I think that in different contexts, change can AND is good, but in some contexts, change (depending on when it arrives), can be difficult to swallow, process, and handle.
For example, there are positive changes and negative changes. Both "groups" of changes, have the power to bring "side effects," so to say. Yet, these groups of changes are all driven by our "attitudes." Our attitudes within those moments, our perspectives, and our ability to handle gradual changes, immediate changes, and sudden/unexpected changes, showcase to the world our character.
I have to admit, there have been times in my life where my reaction(s) to change has been one of inadvertently using a close friend/relative as a "scapegoat." It isn't until after I allowed my negative attitude to dictate how I act, that I realized the hurt and heartache that I caused. Reflecting upon situations (as both a kid and as an adult) I have realized that had I taken time to "back away" or "step to the side" and analyzed the situation, then the outcome(s) would have been much different.
And, I think that there are various points within our lives that we feel just like this; a feeling of being "self-absorbed" within the context of our own problems that we have a negative view on change. In these scenarios, I've noticed that I have positively changed as a result of them and grown as a woman. I feel that without these instances in our lives, our growth would be stunted by the mundane facets of routines. A friend once told me that if you're feeling down, then go out and help someone else. Go bring light to another person.
However, when we are faced with change, we can choose to view it as negative (as mentioned above) or as positive. It is important to note that even when change comes across or is presented as negative, it may be difficult to see it as being a positive for quite sometime, due to the cloudy weather that may be affecting the overall perspective of the situation. Let me give you an example.
This year has been one of significant change for me. Throughout this school year, there have been times where I did not know where my job would be for next year. Sometimes, I thought I knew while other times, I wasn't so sure. This made me very unsettled. For about 3 months, I went through this grueling process, all the while not realizing that I was growing in the midst of the heartache. In my opinion, it's changes like this that grow us the most and test our "attitudes" and our ability to handle unexpected things that life throws down the slide. Reflecting back, I had no idea that this uncertainty would actually prove to be a positive thing for me and that my attitude, though it was very challenging to see at first, was changing.
I am proud and happy to say that I have a wonderful school that I will be at for next year. I am looking forward to making and establishing new friendships while maintaining the old ones. And, sometimes, it really is a cliché, but oh, so true, that "when one door closes, another door opens."
I thought that by having to leave, I would be leaving what I knew and was familiar with. But, in all actuality, I am gaining more experience as a teacher. By "moving on" as I like to call this experience, many more opportunities have come my way.
Though I can't disclose these new opportunities just yet, I can say that they are causing me to grow, flourish, and blossom, in ways that I never knew existed. These opportunities will challenge me and cause me to look at education from another standpoint and to be able to directly use my advanced education within my teaching this year. I'm excited to be able to impart wisdom into my new students along with all of the duties and responsibilities that come with saying "yes" to new opportunities.
Because, when you're 27 and in a career that you love, you have to take these opportunities when they come because they may only come knocking once.
And, for a lady that likes a roadmap and a calendar and a schedule of when things are happening, these new opportunities are encouraging me to be "okay" with not "knowing" everything all at once, but being able to gradually learn along the way.
Anyway, for those of you out there who have gone through changes (whether you consider them big or small) or are presently wading through the waters of change, please know this: it's okay. You're going to be alright. Sometimes, it's the uncertainty that pains us more than the knowing. But, once you allow space for yourself to accept the change (as hard as it may be) - then it WILL change your outlook, your attitude, and your beliefs, if you let it. That's the thing. You have to give permission for the change to actually affect your life. We can dream of change but until we actually live it and/or it comes knocking at our door, then we will never understand the effects of it.
When I think about how far I came from a shy and quiet young girl to an outspoken advocate as a teacher in the education of all students with and without special needs, I look back and think "Wow! I honestly can't believe how far I've come." And, for me, this change, this growth as a twenty-something woman, is one that I am very proud of. It has caused me to become more confident in my daily work, in my job, and in my social life. Because of this change, I know who I am in Christ and it is Him that I know who has allowed the doors to open, for opportunities to come in, and give me a hug in order to change me again.
I am so thankful for these recent opportunities and look forward to putting my heart and my soul into them to learn, to provide, to be taught, and to share/add to my knowledge.
That's all for today, folks!
Cheers!
~alex
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