Ever have those moments where you drive with the windows and the top of your car down because the weather is just "that good?" Monday - you were one of those days. And tonight, was just a tease of autumn in the midst of summer. So breezy and cool, I ate my supper on the front stoop of my house. I'm looking forward to more afternoons and nights like this.
But as with moments, "all good things must come to and end" as the saying goes (or at the very least, put on pause for a while.) And so, I ventured back inside my house to write this blog post at my wooden dining room table. I'm looking outside my window, watching the sunset, chamomile tea on the left of me, eating gluten free/dairy free chocolate and cranberry fudge. Yum. My fingers are typing away furiously on the computer, the keyboard making clicking sounds like an old-fashioned typewriter, purple Opi nails bouncing up and down, like balloons in the air - dancing to their tune of Click Clack Moo, Cows That Type.
While I sat outside with my supper tonight, one of my neighbors came over to talk with me. He shared the story of how he and his wife first met. To this day, I love asking people "their story" because, in reality, every couple has "their story." Whether it seems big or small in our eyes, that "moment" and/or "series of moments" are significant to the story that a particular couple shares together. And that my friends, is beautiful.
Anyway, as I sat listening to the story, I realized something. Meeting someone back then seemed "easier" in a sense. Maybe not "easy" in the way beating eggs with a fork for breakfast might be, but "easy" in that, everyone seemed to know each other. The gal really knew the guy because the families interacted with each other regularly. From my experience, nowadays, we have all different avenues to go about meeting potential people/significant interests, with word of mouth, blind dates, online dating, swiping left or right, initiating conversation when out with a group of friends, etc. There seems to be more platforms with which to meet someone. However, I can't help but feeling that, for some people out there, maybe even you who stumbled upon this post by happenchance :), you may feel lonelier or even further away from meeting someone due to all of these technological advances. And, you may be reading this on the other side of the lens - feeling extremely connected to the world via social media, technology, your friends, etc. Either way you feel, I think it suffices to say that our "dating world" today is vastly different than my neighbors was back then. Let me give you an example.
From my own personal experiences, I've come to realize that when I find myself "falling for a guy" (for lack of a better phrase), I immediately put up walls around myself to convince myself that what I'm "feeling" is nothing more and nothing less and to suppress those feelings by not thinking about them nor looking towards the future with that particular guy anymore. This is pattern of mine that I've come to liken to a horse in a race track with blinders. Those blinders represent the walls that I put up in an effort to protect myself, to shield myself from potential hurt and distrust, and my whole uncertainty with the "dating" field. This is a piece of me that has taken a long time to acknowledge and to even put a "name" on, but, nonetheless, as soon as I did that, I was able to work on removing those blinders to see the rest of the racetrack and the other horses racing beside me, too.
This is not to say that I have lowered my standards at all. In fact, because of this realization, my standards have improved and changed. Now, when I meet guy friends who I may have potential interest in, I ask myself a series of questions, in no particular order- "do I see myself with this guy long term? Is this a "boy" (in terms of maturity) or a "man?" (because there is a significant difference for both); Will this man challenge me to pursue life without a roadmap every one in a while? Can this man be trusted? How does this man deal with conflict? What does this man do when he's not hanging out with his friends? Does this man have proof in his life of establishing a significant commitment? How does this man treat other women? Does this man act a certain way around me and completely different around his closest friends? How is this man with kids? (a big question for me because I am a teacher) Does he interact well with kids? Do they look up to him as they would a father?
Those are just some of the questions that I begin to ask myself throughout the course of getting to know a guy. And to be honest, sometimes, our initial "first impressions" are incorrect and we need to give the guy a second chance. Sometimes, it's not him, it's us. And sometimes, we need to be truthful when we've fallen short.
I often get asked a lot, by friends, by neighbors, by people I've met, some similar and familiar phrasing of this group of words: "So, is there anyone special in your life?" And, I'm always tempted to respond with "yes, great friends!" or "wonderful family!" or, (my personal favorite) "lots of boys but no men." And sometimes, I respond to that well-meaning, abstract question with an honest "No, not yet." I can't tell you why that part of my life hasn't flowered yet, but what I can share is that I'm being pruned like a tree and trained like a Seabiscuit-kind-of-horse, to lower my blinders and to allow kind hearted men in. And, I know that as soon as those blinders are fully lowered, then, and only then, can I depart from the racetrack to open myself up and say, "I'm ready."
-cheers.
Monday, August 22, 2016
Sunday, August 14, 2016
Comparison is the Enemy of Success
Honest moment here. Every time that I jet off to type a blog post, I always need to have another tab open to FB. It's just something that I do. Call it FOMO (fear of missing out) or an inability to be disconnected from the outer world for just a little bit. Yet, so often, I find myself checking social media accounts multiple times a day - that I wonder, where could that energy be expended instead? How could I be using those "minutes" over the airwaves of the earth, better?
It saddens me to say, that there are days where I often (no, frequently) find myself comparing my life to that of others. (see my blog post from yesterday, because at times, I view myself as Phelp's opponent, looking at him in the pool instead of focusing on myself.) And, I firmly believe that the act of "focusing on your life" (in a humble way of course), is a daily struggle that we all encounter.
When I step back from the camera lens and allow myself permission to "zoom out," I observe that there could be a variety of reasons why I let myself fall victim to one of three "comparison roadblocks," as I'll call them. For the purposes of this post, here they are:
1) The comparison of social media's latest fancies,
2) the comparison of people within my age bracket, and
3) the comparison of people who are married vs. those who are single (like me).
Some days, I trip harder than others, and both the bruises and the scrapes that remain are quite bloodied and purple. Yet, those hurts are evidence that I am growing and that I am trying to combat this "disease" of comparison that the whole wide world has on all of us, regardless of age - but, I feel, primarily with young people and those who are in their 20's and 30's. Some days, I feel good about myself, other days, I see what others are broadcasting across a variety of social media facets and feel small in my feats, compared to them. I'm not out hiking mountains or serving kids in third world countries. But, from sunrise to sunset, I am reminded of how loved I am in a world that constantly and incessantly, craves and wants more. And for young people, this false ideology can be extremely detrimental. Honestly, social media is a platform of a masquerade of sorts; in that, people post what makes them feel good and what they think other people want to hear. Imagine, instead, if we all took the time to think about what we posted and the ramifications of it before we actually clicked the word "post?"
As a teacher, I see our young kids firsthand, with cell phones, constantly checking their social media accounts for the next "like" or "view." Imagine, how much different our world would be if we taught them to use the social media platform as a way to share ideas in a thoughtful manner and as a way to bring their life changing views to the forefront? There are days, where I feel like "my kids," afraid of missing out on something important, where I could have used those precious few minutes of time writing a note, enjoying my home, or taking a breath of fresh air. I know it sounds so simple, but if we decided to do that every time we reached for our phone or sat down at our computer/devices/MacBook/iPad, etc. (you get the idea), imagine how different our world would be? I'd like to think that we would have more people talking to each other rather than staring at their phones, contemplating not on how to obtain the most "likes" for instant gratification and satisfaction but how to establish and maintain a lifelong road of adventure and "off-roading."
As a middle-aged twenty something woman, I do admit, that a second way in which I compare myself to that of the outside world is by seeking what others are doing in my age bracket and deciding if I'm living up to them. In essence, I'm putting "those people" on a pedestal, without even meaning to at all. This is yet another pitfall for me due to the fact that I'm already assuming that because I'm not doing what "they're" (insert whoever "they're is for you) doing, then I cannot be successful. Which is another mistruth.
When I again step back and analyze the camera lens, I am proud of all that I've accomplished at my age so far in my life. I am reminded that I have a full-time job teaching that I absolutely love, another job teaching at a college this fall, a home that I adore, and family and friends that are supportive of me in my endeavors. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that my journey would take me to where I am today. And, as cliché as that sounds, it's true. I'm very happy that I've grown up and taught to be an independent woman, who is free to speak her own mind, who graduated from a shy and quiet girl, and transformed across the stage into a luxurious butterfly. Whenever I feel that negative thoughts have overtaken me, I always, always remind myself of how far I've come, what I've accomplished, and the future that lies ahead. And, when I do, I am again reminded that it's all because of Him. And for that truth, I am thankful.
Because of God, I know that I am single for now. Whenever I feel myself comparing my "singleness" to that of young married folks, I immediately remind myself of the things that I am privileged to do as a single person. Like stay at home in my pjs on a Saturday. Take myself out to dinner. Read in the backyard. Go for a drive to the country store. Social media makes it easy for single people to think that something must be "amiss" in their lives because they are not "with someone" or "getting married" or "engaged" or "not even close to him 'popping' the question." That's simply not true! We are loved and cherished and blessed regardless of our current "romantic" state, for lack of a better word. Granted, my heart knows what it knows and I look forward to being married someday, to meeting a guy who will "sweep me off my feet" in his own unique wayl someone that I can have a good laugh with, one who will go for a run with me, a man that enjoys the ocean, one that likes to travel, and a guy that will push me to be the best I can be. That, I know will come in time. But for now, I am content as a single woman. Accepting this truth has taken many years, but I can honestly say that I've learned and gained so much as a single woman.
That's all to say that you are loved exactly where you are. Another cliché, I know. Haha! But, it's true! You are. Stop comparing yourself to another person and trying to see if you measure up. "Because with the measure that you use, it will also be used to you." Our measuring cups are all filled with different amounts, so if we compare 1/2 cup of cinnamon to someone with 1 cup of sugar, then we are not comparing the same amounts, nor the same ingredients. Please know that your mistakes are not your future. You are loved because of your identity, because of who you are. You are loved because of your passions not in spite of them. You are loved because you are deeply cared for, you are a child of, in my view, God. He is so happy and pleased when you call "Father," that He eagerly takes you into His arms to hold and cradle you as you were when you were a young child.
Okay, end of rant. But, for those of you who need encouragement in a world that seems to compare every little thing against everything else, you are loved just as you are. Rest easy with that truth.
--cheers.
It saddens me to say, that there are days where I often (no, frequently) find myself comparing my life to that of others. (see my blog post from yesterday, because at times, I view myself as Phelp's opponent, looking at him in the pool instead of focusing on myself.) And, I firmly believe that the act of "focusing on your life" (in a humble way of course), is a daily struggle that we all encounter.
When I step back from the camera lens and allow myself permission to "zoom out," I observe that there could be a variety of reasons why I let myself fall victim to one of three "comparison roadblocks," as I'll call them. For the purposes of this post, here they are:
1) The comparison of social media's latest fancies,
2) the comparison of people within my age bracket, and
3) the comparison of people who are married vs. those who are single (like me).
Some days, I trip harder than others, and both the bruises and the scrapes that remain are quite bloodied and purple. Yet, those hurts are evidence that I am growing and that I am trying to combat this "disease" of comparison that the whole wide world has on all of us, regardless of age - but, I feel, primarily with young people and those who are in their 20's and 30's. Some days, I feel good about myself, other days, I see what others are broadcasting across a variety of social media facets and feel small in my feats, compared to them. I'm not out hiking mountains or serving kids in third world countries. But, from sunrise to sunset, I am reminded of how loved I am in a world that constantly and incessantly, craves and wants more. And for young people, this false ideology can be extremely detrimental. Honestly, social media is a platform of a masquerade of sorts; in that, people post what makes them feel good and what they think other people want to hear. Imagine, instead, if we all took the time to think about what we posted and the ramifications of it before we actually clicked the word "post?"
As a teacher, I see our young kids firsthand, with cell phones, constantly checking their social media accounts for the next "like" or "view." Imagine, how much different our world would be if we taught them to use the social media platform as a way to share ideas in a thoughtful manner and as a way to bring their life changing views to the forefront? There are days, where I feel like "my kids," afraid of missing out on something important, where I could have used those precious few minutes of time writing a note, enjoying my home, or taking a breath of fresh air. I know it sounds so simple, but if we decided to do that every time we reached for our phone or sat down at our computer/devices/MacBook/iPad, etc. (you get the idea), imagine how different our world would be? I'd like to think that we would have more people talking to each other rather than staring at their phones, contemplating not on how to obtain the most "likes" for instant gratification and satisfaction but how to establish and maintain a lifelong road of adventure and "off-roading."
As a middle-aged twenty something woman, I do admit, that a second way in which I compare myself to that of the outside world is by seeking what others are doing in my age bracket and deciding if I'm living up to them. In essence, I'm putting "those people" on a pedestal, without even meaning to at all. This is yet another pitfall for me due to the fact that I'm already assuming that because I'm not doing what "they're" (insert whoever "they're is for you) doing, then I cannot be successful. Which is another mistruth.
When I again step back and analyze the camera lens, I am proud of all that I've accomplished at my age so far in my life. I am reminded that I have a full-time job teaching that I absolutely love, another job teaching at a college this fall, a home that I adore, and family and friends that are supportive of me in my endeavors. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that my journey would take me to where I am today. And, as cliché as that sounds, it's true. I'm very happy that I've grown up and taught to be an independent woman, who is free to speak her own mind, who graduated from a shy and quiet girl, and transformed across the stage into a luxurious butterfly. Whenever I feel that negative thoughts have overtaken me, I always, always remind myself of how far I've come, what I've accomplished, and the future that lies ahead. And, when I do, I am again reminded that it's all because of Him. And for that truth, I am thankful.
Because of God, I know that I am single for now. Whenever I feel myself comparing my "singleness" to that of young married folks, I immediately remind myself of the things that I am privileged to do as a single person. Like stay at home in my pjs on a Saturday. Take myself out to dinner. Read in the backyard. Go for a drive to the country store. Social media makes it easy for single people to think that something must be "amiss" in their lives because they are not "with someone" or "getting married" or "engaged" or "not even close to him 'popping' the question." That's simply not true! We are loved and cherished and blessed regardless of our current "romantic" state, for lack of a better word. Granted, my heart knows what it knows and I look forward to being married someday, to meeting a guy who will "sweep me off my feet" in his own unique wayl someone that I can have a good laugh with, one who will go for a run with me, a man that enjoys the ocean, one that likes to travel, and a guy that will push me to be the best I can be. That, I know will come in time. But for now, I am content as a single woman. Accepting this truth has taken many years, but I can honestly say that I've learned and gained so much as a single woman.
That's all to say that you are loved exactly where you are. Another cliché, I know. Haha! But, it's true! You are. Stop comparing yourself to another person and trying to see if you measure up. "Because with the measure that you use, it will also be used to you." Our measuring cups are all filled with different amounts, so if we compare 1/2 cup of cinnamon to someone with 1 cup of sugar, then we are not comparing the same amounts, nor the same ingredients. Please know that your mistakes are not your future. You are loved because of your identity, because of who you are. You are loved because of your passions not in spite of them. You are loved because you are deeply cared for, you are a child of, in my view, God. He is so happy and pleased when you call "Father," that He eagerly takes you into His arms to hold and cradle you as you were when you were a young child.
Okay, end of rant. But, for those of you who need encouragement in a world that seems to compare every little thing against everything else, you are loved just as you are. Rest easy with that truth.
--cheers.
Saturday, August 13, 2016
Phelp's, Pretzels, and Cameras
(I haven't had the urge to creatively write in a long time. The last time I wrote "creatively" was when I was at a Summer Teacher's Conference at Phillips Exeter Academy (PEA) (the last summer that my grandfather was alive). But, when I do allow myself space to write in this way, this juice is what spills out.
As I type this post, I am sitting outside on my stairs, waiting for the rain to come. I hear the thunder (or rather, heard the thunder), about an hour ago - so loud, that it rumbled inside the church. Now, all that remains is a clear blue sky, with ominous looking clouds, hanging high above, like a bird in a carefully crafted nest, a dark curtain, waiting for the opening act of the night.
Haha - all kidding aside, there is no trace of rain in the sky. Instead a blue, robin's egg coat remains, with gorgeous light: The Golden Hour.
My black iced coffee soothes my throat, a welcomed treat in this stretch of oppressive summer weather we've been having. I feel as though I've sweat so much within the past three days; I'm a dry fish - drinking bottles of water in an effort to salvage the parchedness I've felt.
And yet, my hand dips into the paper flowered cup to grab some Snyder's Gluten-free pretzels. My insides crave the cold, familiar embrace of coffee and yet they want the salted the pretzels, all at the same time. Ever feel that way? Where you want two things, that you love, simultaneously, and you can't find a "happy medium" with either?
Sometimes, life is like that.
So, enter - the banana. Haha- no really! On warm summer days, the banana is the "third party mediator," the unbiased judge, who looks at all of the evidence presented by both the prosecutor and the defender in the family court. Then, he migrates into his chambers, for an undetermined amount of time. You wonder what he/she is thinking. And then, he emerges, with a decision in his head; hopefully, aligning with his heart. Or, is it a decision in his heart, aligning with how he/she feels in his head? Either way, a decision has been made, for both the pretzel and the iced coffee, and the banana has the floor, for better or for worse.
Sometimes, life is like that.
Especially when you want both the pretzel and the iced coffee, but know that the banana is the better "choice" out of the three. Sometimes, you have to make decisions. Sometimes, you may not see the effects of your decisions right away. Sometimes, you have to wait a while to see the results. Sometimes, they happen right away, and, like the clichéd version of the "domino affect," sometimes, there is nothing to reverse your decision(s).
Anyway, as I tutored a young girl this past week on her summer reading project - I painted this analogy for her. I was trying to describe something to her, but alas, that something escapes me now. Time has a way of doing that to us, doesn't it? It revs us up in the car to go 60+ mph and yet, its hard to stop when it beckons us to slow down, to ease up on the gas.
I shared with this girl, that I love to take pictures. One of my hobbies is photography, and I always dream of someday, saving up enough money to buy one of those really expensive cameras (you know the ones I'm talking about :) ) Cameras, and photographs, for that matter, tend to do a great job about capturing the "moments." Sometimes, I shared, I get so caught up in capturing that one, tiny "moment," that I forget to zoom out and see the bigger picture. Instead of focusing on that moment for what it is and really, truly enjoying it, I often reach for my phone and try to snap a picture. There are times where it's wonderful, but if I'm constantly focusing the camera on such a tiny detail, a smidgen of life (granted, those are the details and moments that we tend to remember the most), then I fail to enjoy the moment for the beauty that it was created to be.
After I related it back to her summer reading project, she seemed to understand the idea. Sometimes, focusing on the moments in our "camera frame" (whatever your camera frame is for you), causes us to lose sight of the bigger picture and the other "moments" that may not fit into our "frames" because we're too busy looking at "our" own world. There is a bigger world our there, ya know.
Since the Rio 2016 Olympics have been on TV, I've been watching a lot of them every night. I enjoy the fast moving sports of swimming, running, water polo, gymnastics, cycling, and the like. As a young girl who used to play basketball from fifth grade up through high school, on the travel teams, summer leagues, and for my high school, I like the sports that require endurance (though all of them do). I loved the feeling of the basketball in my hand, my palms calloused with thump of the ball, my mind racing with the drills, my heart hoping to make that winning basket. For me, I thrive when I run, or when I played basketball and could go in between the players because I was really short (still am!)
Anyway, one of the best examples, in my opinion, of a single camera focus, is when Michael Phelps won one of the swimming matches against another opponent. There is a picture circulating around the web, that shows him focused with a gaze, straight ahead, on swimming, on reaching the end, and his opponent, turning to look at him. (Google the image, if you haven't already seen it. It's truly powerful, and can be related to so many other things, too.) Phelp's had one, primary focus/goal; his opponent busied himself with looking into the other lane instead of watching his own.
I feel that I am like Phelp's opponent at times, looking "into the other lane," worrying about and concerning myself with other people instead of "keeping my head in the game" (que the High School Musical Song), that it throws off my concentration. As I get older, I have been having moments where I realize that this is happening. I acknowledge them and note that they are there alongside me. Then, (I know it may sound funny), I pray. I say a little prayer and honestly try to find something else to occupy my time. Because truthfully, in two, or three, or even five years, that won't matter in the big scheme (picture) of things. Right now, I am focused on the one small snapshot, instead of "zooming out." Right now, that particular interaction matters. Right now, acknowledging that it does matter and then working to move on, is a slow start, but I do find it helping me.
And, I believe for all people, the "moving on" part takes time. It does not happen overnight or in 45.06 seconds on a swim clock. For some people, this part involves not a prayer, but in a walk outside. For others, it may involve dance. For some, it may involve meditation. Still for some, it involves picking up a paintbrush and painting. The important bond that ties us all together is that of acknowledging the specific camera focus and actively doing something about it.
But, let me let you in on a little secret. The acknowledging and the actively doing something part, is a daily thing. It happens everyday, in a variety of facets in our lives. From experience, once I've thought that I was "done" with something, I was humbly reminded that "no, I still have work to do."
Because, honestly, we're all "a work in progress." And, to be even more completely honest, this is a daily task. And, to strip down to the bare bones, you may ask, "well, how does your post apply to finding a guy someday?" Well, I'm glad you asked!
First of all, I'm not setting out to "find" anyone. Neither, (I hope) does he have an "ad" trying to "locate" me. Once we release ourselves from the so-called "finding true love" that society and my favorite Saturday night movie channel (Hallmark) has grasped on us, then, and only then, do we allow ourselves to be open to exploring the people and the circumstances around us, allowing them to change, grow, and shape us. Secondly, I want a guy who is "a work in progress." I want a man who is acknowledging that he still has work to be done and is eager to change to grow for the better. However, I do seek a man who does know what he wants, who is actively seeking to be a better person, and who is not afraid to let anything stand in his way.
And - to get even more honest with you, I think that's all we hope for in life. To meet and interact with people who know what they want, who are sure of themselves, and who work to advance themselves with the gifts that they've been given for the betterment of this world.
-cheers!
As I type this post, I am sitting outside on my stairs, waiting for the rain to come. I hear the thunder (or rather, heard the thunder), about an hour ago - so loud, that it rumbled inside the church. Now, all that remains is a clear blue sky, with ominous looking clouds, hanging high above, like a bird in a carefully crafted nest, a dark curtain, waiting for the opening act of the night.
Haha - all kidding aside, there is no trace of rain in the sky. Instead a blue, robin's egg coat remains, with gorgeous light: The Golden Hour.
My black iced coffee soothes my throat, a welcomed treat in this stretch of oppressive summer weather we've been having. I feel as though I've sweat so much within the past three days; I'm a dry fish - drinking bottles of water in an effort to salvage the parchedness I've felt.
And yet, my hand dips into the paper flowered cup to grab some Snyder's Gluten-free pretzels. My insides crave the cold, familiar embrace of coffee and yet they want the salted the pretzels, all at the same time. Ever feel that way? Where you want two things, that you love, simultaneously, and you can't find a "happy medium" with either?
Sometimes, life is like that.
So, enter - the banana. Haha- no really! On warm summer days, the banana is the "third party mediator," the unbiased judge, who looks at all of the evidence presented by both the prosecutor and the defender in the family court. Then, he migrates into his chambers, for an undetermined amount of time. You wonder what he/she is thinking. And then, he emerges, with a decision in his head; hopefully, aligning with his heart. Or, is it a decision in his heart, aligning with how he/she feels in his head? Either way, a decision has been made, for both the pretzel and the iced coffee, and the banana has the floor, for better or for worse.
Sometimes, life is like that.
Especially when you want both the pretzel and the iced coffee, but know that the banana is the better "choice" out of the three. Sometimes, you have to make decisions. Sometimes, you may not see the effects of your decisions right away. Sometimes, you have to wait a while to see the results. Sometimes, they happen right away, and, like the clichéd version of the "domino affect," sometimes, there is nothing to reverse your decision(s).
Anyway, as I tutored a young girl this past week on her summer reading project - I painted this analogy for her. I was trying to describe something to her, but alas, that something escapes me now. Time has a way of doing that to us, doesn't it? It revs us up in the car to go 60+ mph and yet, its hard to stop when it beckons us to slow down, to ease up on the gas.
I shared with this girl, that I love to take pictures. One of my hobbies is photography, and I always dream of someday, saving up enough money to buy one of those really expensive cameras (you know the ones I'm talking about :) ) Cameras, and photographs, for that matter, tend to do a great job about capturing the "moments." Sometimes, I shared, I get so caught up in capturing that one, tiny "moment," that I forget to zoom out and see the bigger picture. Instead of focusing on that moment for what it is and really, truly enjoying it, I often reach for my phone and try to snap a picture. There are times where it's wonderful, but if I'm constantly focusing the camera on such a tiny detail, a smidgen of life (granted, those are the details and moments that we tend to remember the most), then I fail to enjoy the moment for the beauty that it was created to be.
After I related it back to her summer reading project, she seemed to understand the idea. Sometimes, focusing on the moments in our "camera frame" (whatever your camera frame is for you), causes us to lose sight of the bigger picture and the other "moments" that may not fit into our "frames" because we're too busy looking at "our" own world. There is a bigger world our there, ya know.
Since the Rio 2016 Olympics have been on TV, I've been watching a lot of them every night. I enjoy the fast moving sports of swimming, running, water polo, gymnastics, cycling, and the like. As a young girl who used to play basketball from fifth grade up through high school, on the travel teams, summer leagues, and for my high school, I like the sports that require endurance (though all of them do). I loved the feeling of the basketball in my hand, my palms calloused with thump of the ball, my mind racing with the drills, my heart hoping to make that winning basket. For me, I thrive when I run, or when I played basketball and could go in between the players because I was really short (still am!)
Anyway, one of the best examples, in my opinion, of a single camera focus, is when Michael Phelps won one of the swimming matches against another opponent. There is a picture circulating around the web, that shows him focused with a gaze, straight ahead, on swimming, on reaching the end, and his opponent, turning to look at him. (Google the image, if you haven't already seen it. It's truly powerful, and can be related to so many other things, too.) Phelp's had one, primary focus/goal; his opponent busied himself with looking into the other lane instead of watching his own.
I feel that I am like Phelp's opponent at times, looking "into the other lane," worrying about and concerning myself with other people instead of "keeping my head in the game" (que the High School Musical Song), that it throws off my concentration. As I get older, I have been having moments where I realize that this is happening. I acknowledge them and note that they are there alongside me. Then, (I know it may sound funny), I pray. I say a little prayer and honestly try to find something else to occupy my time. Because truthfully, in two, or three, or even five years, that won't matter in the big scheme (picture) of things. Right now, I am focused on the one small snapshot, instead of "zooming out." Right now, that particular interaction matters. Right now, acknowledging that it does matter and then working to move on, is a slow start, but I do find it helping me.
And, I believe for all people, the "moving on" part takes time. It does not happen overnight or in 45.06 seconds on a swim clock. For some people, this part involves not a prayer, but in a walk outside. For others, it may involve dance. For some, it may involve meditation. Still for some, it involves picking up a paintbrush and painting. The important bond that ties us all together is that of acknowledging the specific camera focus and actively doing something about it.
But, let me let you in on a little secret. The acknowledging and the actively doing something part, is a daily thing. It happens everyday, in a variety of facets in our lives. From experience, once I've thought that I was "done" with something, I was humbly reminded that "no, I still have work to do."
Because, honestly, we're all "a work in progress." And, to be even more completely honest, this is a daily task. And, to strip down to the bare bones, you may ask, "well, how does your post apply to finding a guy someday?" Well, I'm glad you asked!
First of all, I'm not setting out to "find" anyone. Neither, (I hope) does he have an "ad" trying to "locate" me. Once we release ourselves from the so-called "finding true love" that society and my favorite Saturday night movie channel (Hallmark) has grasped on us, then, and only then, do we allow ourselves to be open to exploring the people and the circumstances around us, allowing them to change, grow, and shape us. Secondly, I want a guy who is "a work in progress." I want a man who is acknowledging that he still has work to be done and is eager to change to grow for the better. However, I do seek a man who does know what he wants, who is actively seeking to be a better person, and who is not afraid to let anything stand in his way.
And - to get even more honest with you, I think that's all we hope for in life. To meet and interact with people who know what they want, who are sure of themselves, and who work to advance themselves with the gifts that they've been given for the betterment of this world.
-cheers!
Monday, August 8, 2016
To Hallmark Movies, morning walks, and that guy with the striking blue eyes
Friends, I realized something recently. Well, make that "lots" of somethings.
No, really! I've come to understand (because of maturity, probably) that time passes us so quickly and if we're not careful, we can become so immune to it that we build up a resistance to, so that it neglects to permeate our souls. In other words, if we don't allow the world, more specifically, those "special" things that give us drive, fuel our passion, and cause us to come alive, then, in essence, we are not feeding our inner beings and merely letting our world "cruise by." All that to say, we need to make room for the wind to blow between our toes. Seriously! Have you ever just paused on a summer afternoon, all that you're doing, removed your footwear, and really felt the wind blow through your toes? It's magical. You can't see the wind but it's there. This simple analogy reminds me of the effects that God has on my life. In some situations, I don't recognize or acknowledge that value, being His presence in my life for a variety of reasons. But, when I do, and I remove my sneakers, sandals or pumps and feel this wind whisking away between my size 6 feet, I am reminded that He has been present with me all along.
Anyway, all that to say - I watched a Hallmark Movie yesterday with my cats (haha!) and I stumbled upon something. Well, besides the fact that all Hallmark movies end with the same "happily every after," and in real life those relationships/marriages are actually very hard work. This guy and gal work together on trying to make the most "perfect" wedding for their mutual friends and end up falling in love themselves. Throughout the movie, I discovered that I really resonated with the female character. She never allowed herself to let her "guard down" and experience "love" because it came with the potential of "too much hurt and pain" and that just wasn't worth risking. I learned that like this character, I too, experience the discomfort of not letting my guard down because I am uncertain of what "may" or "may not happen."
I've shared this analogy before. Sometimes, I feel like I am a racing horse with blinders on either side of my eyes, racing forward through life, without looking on who is to the left or to the right of me in the arena. I've recently come to terms with this illusion that if I continue at this speed, I will miss all of the chances "to love" with potential relationships, regardless if they travel anywhere far. I'm working on this characteristic as we speak and I know that I will be mudding through it over the duration of my life.
Second, a lot can be said about morning walks. The hardest thing for me to do sometimes, is getting up early to go for a walk. It's establishing the routine that's challenging for me, but, once it's there, I can accomplish it with ease. On morning walks, I do my best thinking. Life is just waking up and I get to see all sorts of creatures that I would typically miss on an afternoon run. Engaging in morning walks helps me to slow down and wake up, to embrace the "fast paced" feeling of the day with persevering stamina. I love seeing the little rabbits, the flocks of birds migrating to their nests or overtaking that of a fellow neighboring bird, and the occasional car going up and down the hills that I climb. My best thoughts or ideas occur when I'm out walking. I love when I do conquer the difficulty of waking up early and interacting with the outdoors long before I dive into the world of social media. (Because, who really needs to check their Instagram at 6:00am?) We all have things that we're working on and waking up early sometimes and removing myself from the "picture perfect world" of social media are two of them.
Last, I find that as I give myself permission to "slow down" at the beginning of the day rather than the latter, I am able to pick up on nuances better. For example, I am able to notice the minute things in people and observe life in an intricate way. Now, I don't want you to think that all I do is go to coffee shops and read while doing the occasional "people watching." (There is SO much that we can and still have, to learn from each other! Another post on that for a future time.) I want to convey the notion that because I've allowed myself to interact with nature early on, I am refreshed to put forth a greater amount of effort into my work during the day. I am also keenly aware of people's interactions, or lack thereof, with each other.
Yesterday, when I went to the gas station, the attendant at the full service building had these striking blue eyes. Now, I'm not saying that because I went on a morning walk that I was more attuned to his physical outward appearance. However, I hadn't really picked up on these features in people before. As a teacher, I've become astute in reading non verbal body language and this man's striking blue eyes were no laughing matter. (no pun intended :) ) They were the kind of eyes that you may see on a summer day, when the sky hugs the clouds thousands of miles above the earth, on an exotic island, above the shores of an aquamarine beach. His eyes had the ability to convey a message of kindness, genuineness, and humility. Granted, it was a mere 5 minute interaction at most, but I am hopeful that this small interaction is a foreshadowing of what is to come; in that, I hope someday, I will be able to interact with a man like this and get to know him well, even if it starts with just looking into his eyes, because, to me (and I understand it sounds cliché, "eyes are the windows to the soul.")
Speaking of "someday," you should totally read the book, Someday, Someday, Maybe by Lauren Graham (yes! The woman who plays the mom, Lauralie from the TV Series, the Gilmore Girls.) I just purchased it yesterday and can't put it down. It's been in my "hot little hands" as my mom used to say about me when I was young. I see myself in the main character and am excited to show you the website, by clicking the above link in the book title.
That's all for now.
Have a wonderful day!
~alex
No, really! I've come to understand (because of maturity, probably) that time passes us so quickly and if we're not careful, we can become so immune to it that we build up a resistance to, so that it neglects to permeate our souls. In other words, if we don't allow the world, more specifically, those "special" things that give us drive, fuel our passion, and cause us to come alive, then, in essence, we are not feeding our inner beings and merely letting our world "cruise by." All that to say, we need to make room for the wind to blow between our toes. Seriously! Have you ever just paused on a summer afternoon, all that you're doing, removed your footwear, and really felt the wind blow through your toes? It's magical. You can't see the wind but it's there. This simple analogy reminds me of the effects that God has on my life. In some situations, I don't recognize or acknowledge that value, being His presence in my life for a variety of reasons. But, when I do, and I remove my sneakers, sandals or pumps and feel this wind whisking away between my size 6 feet, I am reminded that He has been present with me all along.
Anyway, all that to say - I watched a Hallmark Movie yesterday with my cats (haha!) and I stumbled upon something. Well, besides the fact that all Hallmark movies end with the same "happily every after," and in real life those relationships/marriages are actually very hard work. This guy and gal work together on trying to make the most "perfect" wedding for their mutual friends and end up falling in love themselves. Throughout the movie, I discovered that I really resonated with the female character. She never allowed herself to let her "guard down" and experience "love" because it came with the potential of "too much hurt and pain" and that just wasn't worth risking. I learned that like this character, I too, experience the discomfort of not letting my guard down because I am uncertain of what "may" or "may not happen."
I've shared this analogy before. Sometimes, I feel like I am a racing horse with blinders on either side of my eyes, racing forward through life, without looking on who is to the left or to the right of me in the arena. I've recently come to terms with this illusion that if I continue at this speed, I will miss all of the chances "to love" with potential relationships, regardless if they travel anywhere far. I'm working on this characteristic as we speak and I know that I will be mudding through it over the duration of my life.
Second, a lot can be said about morning walks. The hardest thing for me to do sometimes, is getting up early to go for a walk. It's establishing the routine that's challenging for me, but, once it's there, I can accomplish it with ease. On morning walks, I do my best thinking. Life is just waking up and I get to see all sorts of creatures that I would typically miss on an afternoon run. Engaging in morning walks helps me to slow down and wake up, to embrace the "fast paced" feeling of the day with persevering stamina. I love seeing the little rabbits, the flocks of birds migrating to their nests or overtaking that of a fellow neighboring bird, and the occasional car going up and down the hills that I climb. My best thoughts or ideas occur when I'm out walking. I love when I do conquer the difficulty of waking up early and interacting with the outdoors long before I dive into the world of social media. (Because, who really needs to check their Instagram at 6:00am?) We all have things that we're working on and waking up early sometimes and removing myself from the "picture perfect world" of social media are two of them.
Last, I find that as I give myself permission to "slow down" at the beginning of the day rather than the latter, I am able to pick up on nuances better. For example, I am able to notice the minute things in people and observe life in an intricate way. Now, I don't want you to think that all I do is go to coffee shops and read while doing the occasional "people watching." (There is SO much that we can and still have, to learn from each other! Another post on that for a future time.) I want to convey the notion that because I've allowed myself to interact with nature early on, I am refreshed to put forth a greater amount of effort into my work during the day. I am also keenly aware of people's interactions, or lack thereof, with each other.
Yesterday, when I went to the gas station, the attendant at the full service building had these striking blue eyes. Now, I'm not saying that because I went on a morning walk that I was more attuned to his physical outward appearance. However, I hadn't really picked up on these features in people before. As a teacher, I've become astute in reading non verbal body language and this man's striking blue eyes were no laughing matter. (no pun intended :) ) They were the kind of eyes that you may see on a summer day, when the sky hugs the clouds thousands of miles above the earth, on an exotic island, above the shores of an aquamarine beach. His eyes had the ability to convey a message of kindness, genuineness, and humility. Granted, it was a mere 5 minute interaction at most, but I am hopeful that this small interaction is a foreshadowing of what is to come; in that, I hope someday, I will be able to interact with a man like this and get to know him well, even if it starts with just looking into his eyes, because, to me (and I understand it sounds cliché, "eyes are the windows to the soul.")
Speaking of "someday," you should totally read the book, Someday, Someday, Maybe by Lauren Graham (yes! The woman who plays the mom, Lauralie from the TV Series, the Gilmore Girls.) I just purchased it yesterday and can't put it down. It's been in my "hot little hands" as my mom used to say about me when I was young. I see myself in the main character and am excited to show you the website, by clicking the above link in the book title.
That's all for now.
Have a wonderful day!
~alex
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