As I sit typing this long-awaited post, I am sipping on Bigelow's Red Raspberry Royale hot tea from my favorite worn and yellow mug. Outside, it is raining, as splatters of raindrops dizzily graze the window in a fashion all too familiar and comfortable. It is on rainy days such as these, that I am thankful, for the fact that, sleeping is always easier for me. Don't ask me why, but I always find it easier to sleep in the rain.
And, as odd as this sounds, I always find it easier to write when it's raining. (Isn't that right?! - haha) Oftentimes when I sit down to write, I have no idea what to write, while sometimes, I seek to explore a certain avenue of life, an idea, or a specific topic that has been on my heart and mind.
Today, I am writing because I am feeling better. For the past 4 days, I have been recovering from a double ear infection and laryngitis. (It's kinda hard to talk when you have no voice, friends!) Anyway, I've been taking comfort in drinking lots of hot tea with honey (something that my Italian neighbors introduced to me), eating lots of whole fruit, and rest. Which, my friends, is the premise of this post; that is, rest.
It's easy for me to give advice to friends on the importance of rest, but to follow the advice myself? Ah, now that's a totally different story.
As a woman who is used to constantly "being busy," running around doing errands, helping other people, being involved within my community and in my school, it's hard for me to rest. But, when I look back on my life and reflect on where exactly that mindset of "busy" and "involvement" came from, I would have to say that it cascaded through the genes of my grandfather and landed in my veins. He was the same way as me. He was a former teacher, Principal, Merchant Marines, and Navy man, and, among other duties, a father. But, he always kept busy. The similar factor that rang true in his life and in mine today, is that of constantly going and moving, quite similar to the "Energizer Bunny" commercial, in fact.
Honestly, it's quite hard for me to "slow down." Even when I try, my mind is still going. One of the common denominators amongst the teachers I have company with is that it's very hard to "shut your brain off" at the end of the school day. Teachers tend to bring "everything" home with them, whether metaphorically or literally. And, I think that is one of the main reasons why I get sick; I continue to run around without being able to "turn off" the tv that is my brain and I am not able to fully rest.
Truthfully, I miss the days where my parents and I went on vacation with limited or no cell phone service, or our "mystery Sunday rides" in neighborhoods unfamiliar to us. Those carefree childhood days where just wonderful. It's hard to grow up and realize that those were the moments that you miss the most.
I've been learning, (albeit slowly) that in order to grow as a person, as a teacher, and as a woman, I need to slow down and learn to "shut my brain off." When I want to move, I just need to "fight the good fight" as Jesus says in the Bible and purposefully stop and do something that helps me to relax. These past 4 days have been a testament to naps, rest, and "puttering around my house." It's hard for a lady to "stop moving" when she's always used to "moving" that when I do "pause" it feels like I should "be doing something."
This trait is no more profound, I've realized recently, than on social media. Many of my friends that I used to hang out with are now in relationships, engaged, or married. (I know that I may be on the verge of being redundant, as this same piece was explained in a previous post, it does bear revisiting again.) When this happens and I find myself comparing one piece of my life (a spouse) to my entire life through the lens of another person, I get discouraged, until I remind myself of all of the things that I have accomplished thus far with God. If it wasn't for him, I honestly don't know where I would be today, as cliché as that sounds. Actually, I take that back. I do know where I would be today - still a quiet and shy girl, not speaking unless she's spoken to and content on offering her opinion only when asked. When I reflect on how far I've come and how far I've grown as a woman, now that is worth celebrating. However, I don't express this feat as something to "brag" about or something in which to draw attention to myself and say "look at me." Not at all. I express this with the utmost humility, knowing that it was by no work of my own but of Him who created and sent me to do his good works.
And to be frank, I know that someday, I will be married, have a family with kids, and a husband who supports me and I, him. Yet, I still hope and plan to hold onto those sweet memories I have with my parents, for those are so worth cherishing. I am a firm believer in knowing that desires are placed on our hearts (regardless of our beliefs) for a reason. And sometimes, those hopes and dreams aren't answered right away, or answered in a different order, for that matter. We need to embrace them as they come, and to know and understand that just because I may not be meeting "societal milestones" as society dictates in our 21st century, does not mean that I am "less than" someone who is "married." It also does not mean that people need to complete certain "milestones" in a particular order.
For some reason, unknown to me, my career ended up flourishing first. That's wonderful news! From my experiences interacting with young people and those who are wiser and older than me, careers tend to take off after we have "settled down." I am so thankful that I have a career in teaching not just students, but teachers at a college, too. I am truly thankful for all of the opportunities that have come my way as a young twenty-something woman.
And, I look forward at all that is to come, as well. I look forward to the day where I meet my future husband and the journey that will come along with that. It will be rocky and smooth, I'm sure, but those experiences and opportunities will help us to grow stronger as a couple, together. And, though the famed Hallmark movies encourage me to "think about love" in a certain way, I am open to falling in love in different ways than the norm. It took me a while to come to that realization, but for now, I am content with that.
As for the rainy day, I grasp my cup of Red Raspberry Royale Tea from my worn and yellow mug, close my eyes, and drift off to sleep with the light pitter-patter of the rain in the background.
Cheers, my friends.
