Sometimes, I notice it more deeply, like when I drive home after a long's day work, or I sit at the kitchen table, eating my supper of defrosted frozen chicken soup, watching the sunset hide away for the night. Even still, it happens when, by chance, I have a spontaneous idea that I'd like to do, but no one to share it with. I've always been an independent woman, which directly stems from my upbringing, but I've experienced, firsthand, the trials, the roads, and the growing that has blossomed me into the woman that I am today.
I notice it in my house by myself; the way that the golden hour caresses the exposed brick in my living room, the way that the light is so inviting over my paw print blanket, illuminating my cats whiskers to a softness that even a mother towards her newborn can't fathom. I hear it in the church bells and at times, I see it at the grocery store with the elderly couple hand-in-hand. I see it in the way a father cuts up pancakes for his daughter over breakfast.
This sense of "togetherness," of "longing," of wanting to share one's life with someone else is that which I speak of. Sometimes, it hits me at the most inopportune times, while other times, I "store" that memory in the back of head, waiting until I spot that characteristic in a man in which I can experience that someday.
It's true, I believe, how "society" says (or whatever your view of "society" may be), that singleness is a season. For some, that season can be long, and for others, that season may be short. Still, that season may have spurts of togetherness and separation, such as a widow. Hopefully, in every season, you grow, and you're pruned, and you blossom, and you bud, and you grow some more, and are pruned, yet again. In fact, I would argue, that for all of our lives, we seek to grow more into the people that we are created to be, regardless of our belief system(s).
Honestly, as a late twenty-something, it's hard to pick up where you left off with friends when a majority of them are either married, in relationships, having kids, have moved, or are newly married. Unlike that group, I only have to be concerned (though not self-centeredly, to say the least) about only one person: me. To be truthful to all of you readers out there, when I have an idea of something that I'd like to do, like go out to eat a restaurant, or see a movie, or go painting, I think of a friend I'd like to go with and then immediately, my options begin to narrow. Just like a thesis statement, I go from the friends who are married, to those who have kids, to those who are in relationships, etc. Most of the time, I go by myself, because 'why not?' Why wait for someone when you can experience it for yourself? Later on, I can sure the memory with a significant other.
And, social media is a feat all in itself. I've been trying to take small "spurts" of time away from this type of technology to realign myself with what's most important in my life; the values, and beliefs, and mission that I find essential to a fulfilling and satisfying day, week, month, and year.
To be fair, this season of singleness has come with it's perks. For example, it's nice prepping food for the week for just "one." Even from grocery shopping to a little "retail therapy" (hey, we're all guilty of that, right?) to those infamous trips to the country store where I long for that 25 minute car ride to just "think." I've been so happy to be able to use this season of being single to grow as a woman in both my career in teaching, through my local church helping kids, establishing relationships with my seasoned neighbors, and just last year, starting to explore and travel the world for a bit on my own.
Some people may talk about the "freedom" that singleness brings; and, I'd be amiss if I didn't touch upon that, too - at least for a few sentences. I love the freedom to be able to go to a coffee shop, sit with a good book, a cup of tea and just read without the thought of having to go "do something" or "meet with someone." It's in these times, where I love to "people watch." I enjoy watching the interactions that people have with each other, at coffee shops, bookstores, libraries, and other frequented places.
And, it's at these times where I feel the most at peace with myself (and even with my cats on a long winter's night) where I am truly content and think "it would be nice to share this "moment" with another person someday. I now realize that's what my parents have hoped for me all along; that is, to be established in my career, exercise my independence, travel, and be happy.
Being happy with myself, with my job, and with life, in general are things that are all very important to me. And, I love doing acts of kindness for people that I may or may not know.
Recently, I've come to the understanding that my parents want for me what they have had together for all of these years: to be happy with myself in life, and, on the other hand, to experience that happiness with another person.
And, it will come in time. "Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of Heavenly lights." God is just prepping my heart, kind of like the same way that I prep a lesson plan.
-cheers.
