A Sandbar Engagement

This summer, I have been learning a lot about discernment. One of the books that I have spent ample time reading is Abundant Simplicity by Jan Johnson. She told the story of a friend who encouraged her to:

"Write down every single responsibility and duty in your life. Obligations that are so important that you simply can't get out of them. When you are all done, cross out half of them."

Johnson then gets more specific. List everything you do for a month. Then rank each thing that you did in order:

1) essential
2) important but not essential
3) helpful but not necessary
4) other

Finally, eliminate all of the last two categories and 20% of the first two. While you are doing this, work through the two questions: What do I want? Why do I want that?

So, I did this exercise. And something that Johnson said repeatedly came back to me:

"Each of us in our friendship with God grows in discernment of what we are being drawn toward. We learn to live in this sense of peace to the point where we recognize it as soon as we're out of kilter and we've lost it."

She continues on to say that it takes discernment to know the point(s) in your life where "I'm done. I'm grateful I did this, but I'm done." In terms of service commitments, "focus all your efforts on considering what you want - what you really want - and ask yourself, what breaks my heart that breaks the heart of God? What tugs deeply at me?"

So, I made a list. And it took a while to really figure out everything that I do in a month. But once it came to crossing things off from the last two numbers, it was easy to see where my heart lies. But crossing off 20% of the first two really caused me to think about where I am honestly spending my time and energy - is it to gratify myself or to lift up others?

This huge issue of discernment, of "what next?" after college; has been an overarching theme in my life this summer along with vulnerability and risk. While reflecting on the items that I had listed and the moments in my life this summer where I was truly happy and fulfilled; my true identity is/was where Christ was being revealed. The layers that I had clothed myself with were slowly coming off due to the sweat of realization; to the fact that I need to follow - must follow the Holy Spirit's calling on my life or I will never be walking in my purpose.

This experience reminds me of the engagement party that is happening next door. There are many 20 somethings outside under a beautiful see-through tent in gorgeous dresses, handsome suits, enjoying the ocean view and the breeze. I sit inside glancing out my window wondering, "Will I ever experience this joy?" And, then I look straight ahead to the calm ocean, barely moving but beautiful with sandbars and aqua blue water. I am experiencing this joy. I am humbly reminded that someday, I will experience the joy of the celebratory party - but, if I am constantly focused on that - and completely disregard the calm beauty that lies before me, then I will miss it once it comes.

This is similar to discernment. If I am constantly focused on what I want to do but never once consider the work that God is already doing in my life, then I will miss the opportunities that lie right in front of me.

////////

Thank you Lord for this humble reminder. Thank you that you always bring me back to the cross. May your will be done in my life. As Ecclesiastes 3 says: there is a time and a season for everything. " May you give me the strength to pursue and to continue in walking with you for the rest of my life. Thank you for the blessings that you have given me today. May you give them also to someone else who is in need of them right now. Amen (or let it be so.)