"Going to the Chapel and We're, Going to get Married..."

The pictures that we get from the world about marriages and relationships today are far from perfect. Social media posts, Instagram pictures, Facebook NewsFeeds, television clips, newspaper articles and more, all appear that marriage is a lost cause. It seems like there are very few examples of the "ideal" marriage. It is true, we are all imperfect human beings. However, I do have friends who, despite their flaws (I will be the first to admit that I have them, too--we all do) have beautiful and wonderful marriages. God says to "affirm truth wherever we find it." And, it's in those marriages that we see the purpose of marriage being fulfilled; that is, marriage is supposed to show the world a picture of what God is like.

Now, this can be a very difficult feat to live up to; and it should be rightfully so, for we are all, again, flawed human beings. However, I am reminded of my identity in Genesis, where woman was formed from man, in fact, she was created with one of Adam's ribs (how cool is that?!). There is thus, a bond between the two that cannot be broken. Woman came out of man and was put on earth to be a companion for man and to be his Helper (which, the word Helper as used in this context of the Bible, is the same word that is used to refer to God.) This bond that God talks about cannot be separated from Himself or from each other.

When one takes a look at the book of Ruth (a short read, but filled with wonder, nonetheless), it is loaded with images and pictures of marriage. It is one of my favorite stories in the Bible. Ruth's loyalty to Naomi, her mother; Boaz's relentless pursuit of Ruth; and Naomi's encouragement to Ruth to accept the pursuits of Boaz's, is just inspiring.

I want my future "love story" to be a "Ruth" kind-of-story; one of dedication to the Lord from an imperfect human being, loyalty to family, and being pursued by a man that is grounded and confident in who he is. That "pursuit," I believe, is exactly how Jesus pursues us. Relentlessly. Without giving up. And, when I do "give up', at times, God is right beside me, cheering me on to the Finish Line.  Because when I finally arrive, (only due to Jesus' love), another race has begun. But the wonderful thing about God's races is that there are no winners or timers. It is just a race that is simply a journey to where God wants us to ultimately be.

Until that time arrives, I wait. And remain faithful to the things that God has placed in front me at this point in my life: my career, my family, my education, my friends, my church, my finances, and my responsibilities.

Restful Writing

When I don't know what else to do, I write.

I admit, I'm falling back again to that comfortable rhythmic pattern. Ever have those days when you have a bunch of thoughts, floating like fish, swimming around inside your head, and you just don't know what to do with them? You want to ultimately create something meaningful. But, it's hard to create when you're just exhausted.

Everyone needs their rest. And though, I'm really good at giving this advice to people, it's very hard for me to follow it myself. So often, social media creeps back up on me and I find myself wasting my time away on meaningless thoughts and news feeds that I will probably forget all about tomorrow.

But, writing and resting are two things that will never grow old for me. We all need rest. You need rest. I need rest. We are programmed to rest. We were designed to rest. We were created to rest. God rested.

So, resting and writing- they are my "go-to" relievers when I don't know what else to do but need to do something. They calm me and provide me with a foundational place to grow and to be me.

Some days, I realize that I just need to find a quiet place, away from the typical distractions. Like a coffee shop. As I sip on that strawberry smoothie, I realize for a moment that life has the power to pause. As humans, we can take moments within our day to just stop and rest. In fact, we are commanded to. God's word reminds me that after our Creator finished forming the entire world, he rested. Phew! That must have been quite the task. Just think about it; thinking about forming the stars and the sun. What must that be like?

Yet again, I am reminded to put down my phone, tablet, computer, etc. I am reminded that it's completely normal and healthy to have conversations with people face-to-face instead of always through messaging, text, or email. Life is not the latest snapchat or Instagram feed. It is not about the fictitious world that we so often create through pictures; a false sense of identity that we want the world to view us as.

As I continue on in this journey called life, I am reminded that I crave those intimate relationships that go far beyond the typical "how are you doing?" I don't mean the romantic ones that we so often think of or read in blogs. I mean the ones that genuinely go below the surface and into the deep, murky waters of our lives. We all have those people, or have come across some people at least in our lifetimes, who are honestly wondering how we are doing. You know, the kind of friends that will call you up and just listen on the other end as you cry or talk or laugh.

That's one of the things that I have been truly grateful for this month. Friends who have prayed for me in a voicemail. Friends who give hugs regardless of your day. Friends who smile just because. To me, that is rest.

Just resting in the fact that I am loved in a human way. And because I have experienced that human love, God's love is transmitted through them. And even when I feel like I am far away from God, a moment like this happens that reminds me of just how close I really am, and just how far off my mind really was.

Worth, Definition, and a Whole Lotta Curves

Again, I am reminded that my worth is not found in what I do, but in who I am; in who I was created to be. What does it really mean to "like" a status? What drives me to the rapid pace at which I get satisfaction from "liking" something? Why do I crave such fulfillment in social media? My view of worth has taken over God's view of me many times.

In Genesis 1:27, it is written:

      God created man in his own image,
      in the image of God he created him;
      male and female he created them."

Why do I so often forget this truth? I'm constantly being dominated, I feel, by things that are so insignificant. Why have I allowed my worth to be defined by a computer and pictures to create this shallow illusion of me? I choose what to post and what to share. I create this "world" that is in my mind "perfect" (though it is quite imperfect) to show to everyone. Goodness, if feelings were conveyed as pictures, I'd be a mess on Instagram.

My worth is not defined in what I do, but in who I am. God created me to be a relational being. However, that does not require me to always need to know every second of every day where and what my friends are doing. Because, deep down, I am defining myself by their standards. And not only that, I'm comparing my life to their life events (ie: relationships, marriage, family), when in reality, I have not crossed any of those bridges yet. Two different people with two different lives and there should be no room for comparison but rather, for love.

My worth is not defined by rubrics or standards. I am constantly comparing myself to a number or a phrase to find my worth, my significance. I am more than a number on a four-point scale. I am a person, with a name, and a life.

My worth is not defined by my friends. I do have great friends who love and support me very much. For that, I am incredibly thankful. However, my worth is not defined by my association with them or what we do together or our conversations. My worth comes from the fact that God has sent us to do life together.

My worth is not defined by who is or is not on my shoulder. I may not be a runway model or a fashion chic, but my curves tell a story; that is, one containing many chapters, various heartaches, and hopeful dreams. A man does not define my worth. Rather, learning from the relationships that surround me gives me hope for my own romance someday.

My worth is not defined in my work, in how much "I get done." So often, I find myself thinking about daily accomplishments and productivity rather than quality.

I am not my paperwork. I am not my makeup. I am not my handbag. I am not my mascara. I am not my pink rose lipstick. I am not that woman with or without "that guy" on her arms. I am not a rubric. I am not a number. I am not a "like" on Facebook or a comment or a heart on an Instagram picture. Yes, all those things are a part of me and reflect my character - but they are not me.

I am simply a woman created by God, for God, to show the world God. And though I mess up quite a bit, it's God's little/big reminder that I am indeed loved that defines me. I am his beloved. And that cannot be defined by a "like," but by simply "knowing Him" for yourself.

New Beginnings

Time and time again, I find myself in the very same spot.

Convinced that I should be doing "something" when, in reality, that "something" is simply being myself. 

I've noticed that all too often, I let other people, places, things, circumstances, gifts, talents, etc. define who I am and forget that is "my" view of myself. I always seem to forget that God views me as his Beloved. God views me as his Daughter. God views me as his Chosen One. I've arrived to the point that when I go through seasons of busyness in my life, I tend to forget this truth.

I tend to forget that God validates me and that I can stop the constant search on social media for "likes" and "comments" to validate my identity and my worth. I can stop the, what seems at times, "social media infatuation", where I suppress my very own pain by not confronting it head on.

God has told me over and over again how much I am worth to him. In his eyes, I am beautiful. Yet, sometimes, I accept the polluted thoughts that I need a man to validate who I am. But this is not true. I am worthy because of who I am, not because of who I am with. It's in times like these where God picks me up in his arms, caresses me, and lovingly brings me back to him. We unite, and for that moment, I know that I am back home.

I have recently felt that I am cradled in his arms, much like a newborn infant is cradled in his/her mother's arms. God has created me specifically for this season of singleness. He has created me to go through it, to endure it, to succeed in it, because he is trying to teach me something. I think that too often, (as women, at least), we feel like we've lost out on "something." (Insert whatever comes into mind to find your "something.") Though I cannot answer the question as to "why" I have been single for so long, I can say that as a single woman, I have been able to interact and help other single women in their search and their quest for Jesus. I am able to participate in this work because I am single. God has even given me grace to connect with other women who are in relationships and in places to be mentored. Because of my experience as a single woman, I have opened myself up to be the mentee, too.

God has chosen me to go through this long period of "waiting." I have to admit, it is not easy at times. In fact, it's quite challenging when I see friends in relationships and look at my own "status" and wonder "when will my time come?" And then I realize that I should not measure my advancement or lack thereof in relationships with another person's. But rather, I should pray for them and seek to learn from their experiences, too.

I truly believe that women need to become comfortable with who they are (that is, their identity) in Christ, before they can even begin to engage in appropriate relationships with the opposite sex. I have embraced that challenge of having healthy friendships and thus, I have learned more about myself and the type of guy that I am looking for.

For example, I have learned that I am stronger than I was yesterday. I have learned that my hope is in Jesus and that a couple of my spiritual gifts are encouraging and teaching people. I have learned that in by being faithful to my church community, that will help me to be faithful to my future family and husband. I have learned from my friends who have been in relationships, that they are far from easy. I have learned that relationships take a certain commitment, require time, and exceptional investment into the life of the other person. I have learned that through my experience as a teacher and graduate student, I am already practicing good parental skills, time management, financial responsibility, and the importance of having a healthy lifestyle. I have learned that when I feel like I am "missing out" on specific things that I think only pertain to relationships, I am really practicing a whole host of other skills that I need to be fluent in before I tackle the boyfriend/girlfriend part of my life.

As I reflect on this part of my life, I realize that I am glad to be learning these skills now as a single woman rather than later, in a relationship. I am glad that I am able to manage my life and to have quiet times to reflect, too. I know that someday, my future husband and I will finally meet. I know that it won't be pure bliss, but that I will already come equipped with the necessary skills that I need to interact in our relationship in a healthy and productive way. In addition, I know that there are some things that I need to work on.

This season of singleness has shown me what I am looking for in a romantic relationship and that in terms of specifics (like the time of day, location, and time), that can be left up to God. Because, after all, God is the Creator and I am the created work of His hands.

A Single Puzzle Piece

As I write, I realize that I am in a significant stage in my life. I have a full-time job as a teacher, a full-time graduate student, a daughter, a friend, a sister, and more.

I need to learn how to practice, rather, to occupy my time with the hobbies, enjoyments, and people that I value the most. I must learn how to encounter the daily struggle of social media head-on: of spending way too much time concerned with the "likes" and "hashtags" and filtering pictures. Because honestly, life is so much more than that. It's about spending time with the people that you love. It's about being intentional in the present moment, and taking control of your wandering mind, when, left to its own thoughts, so often entertains unhealthy and unfruitful things.

For me, it's spending adequate and daily time in the morning with God. It's working through my grumbling spirit and pushing forward against every grain of my body and rational thought that says "go back to sleep, for it's way too early!" Instead, it's waking up early, before the dawn, just so that I can have some quiet time in my day with Jesus. It's confronting my daily struggle of waking up early so that I can instead gain the peace, enjoyment, and fulfillment of starting my day off positively rather than barely staying awake late at night.

For me, it's not immediately running to social media to check for my value and daily worth in society-- but doing an inner "gut" check and asking myself everyday "where do I find my value and worth today? Where does that innate desire come from today? Is it focused on beautiful and uplifting things or on areas that can break me down and tear me apart?"

It's making time for the things that I enjoy; that bring me tremendous comfort. Instead of picking up my phone or latest technolgical device, it's using that time to read a chapter in a favorite book, to write a paragraph, to read some poetry, to bake, to cook, to take a walk, to draw, to exercise. It's simply filling that time that I would spend on social media with something else more worthwhile and meaningful to me.

For me, it's simply praying. It's returning back to this important facet of my life and doing it daily. It's praying for myself and for others AND believing that Jesus will provide and answer my prayers because of the very true fact that I have personally witnessed him working in the past. It's pointing out these "ebenezers," grateful, thankful, and full of remembrance that the past is, truly, the past. It's looking forward to the future of what is to come. And, because of my own, personal, firsthand experience with God that no one can take away from or deny me, it's knowing that He will give me not exactly what I want, but exactly what I need for that present moment.

For me, it's treating my parents with the utmost dignity and the respect that they deserve from their daughter. It's seeing them with a more holistic approach rather than just providing a roof over my head. It's valuing their expertise, their experience, and wisdom and asking for advice. It's trying to live that out when and where I can within the context of my own life. It's learning how to respectfully disagree, in a loving, graceful, and caring way. It's being thankful in all circumstances - even to those who are quick to make the remark "that's easy for you to say."

For me, it's trusting that a man, who is equally as committed to his future wife, is waiting and praying for someone like me; for us to finally meet and exchange glances. It's trusting in the power of Jesus and his faithful and precise timing. It's knowing that He really does know exactly "what He's doing." It's praying daily for my husband, not just simply writing him letters in my notebook, but transforming those letters into prayers by the power of His Holy Spirit. It is creating a life built and founded on Jesus, before my husband and I create a life with each other. It's not being jealous when I see an influx of young couples at my church, in relationships, engaged, married, and/or with kids. It's turning that-would-be-jealousy into a servants heart. It's asking them questions about their relationships and learning from their advice.

It's trusting that my "Storyteller" (with a capital S), has got quite an amazing story brewing up that I have the honor of living out right now. It's knowing that I am not "waiting" for my life to happen when my future husband arrives, it's knowing that my life is happening now and to take advantage of every opportunity that I have to live it out fully by the grace and leading of God. In fact, it's using my singleness to reach out to the other single ladies at my church and to help them become comfortable with themselves and their identity, just as Jesus has taught me to become. It's teaching them and constantly reminding myself, that my worth and value is not found in a man, but comes primarily from the source of the Living Water Himself: Jesus Christ. Finally, it's knowing that my husband is one of amazing stature and beauty - -that his ability to wait (perhaps even more patiently than I am at times), is a testament to the work of Jesus in his life.

It's knowing that God is ultimately in control of everything, has it all figured out, and that I am just a single puzzle piece in this bigger 3D picture that I happen to call "life."

25

I recently came across a verse from a poem that I wrote when I was 17. A friend had put his version of it in my yearbook when I was a junior in high school. I thought it would be pretty interesting to do a tribute to the poem "17". . . .about 9 years later!

So, here's my poem "25," as I prepare to turn a "quarter of century" this week.

Enjoy!
Alex
-----------------
25

I'm 25 and born to thrive.
I'm 25 and stayin'alive.
I'm 25 and I love school.
I'm 25 and teaching kids is cool.
I'm 25 and going back to college.
I'm 25 and acquiring more knowledge.
I'm 25 and love cats and giraffes,
I'm 25 and savor a hearty laugh.
I'm 25 and enjoy a good read,
I'm 25 and like to do good deeds.
I'm 25 and payin' my own bills,
I'm 25 and love historic mills.
I'm 25 and enjoy walks on the beach,
I'm 25 and am allergic to the peach.
I'm 25 and drive my own car,
I'm 25 and enjoy gazing at the stars.
I'm 25 and have some great friends,
I'm 25 and thankful that the world never ends.
I'm 25 and am excited for this year,
I'm 25 and learning to live without fear.
I'm 25 and my favorite color is blue,
I'm 25 and love the morning dew.
I'm 25 and like to write,
I'm 25 and fly diamond shaped kites.
I'm 25 and value education,
I'm 25 and know kids are the future of our nation.
I'm 25 with a family of my own,
I'm 25 and happy I call teaching my home.
I'm 25 and looking ahead,
I'm 25 and knowing someday, I'll wed.
I'm 25 and signing off, wow!
I'm 25, did you like that poem, now?