Thursday, August 13, 2015

Love is Hard

Love is hard.

When you love something or someone, it's not easy. It is an on-going process that is both difficult and challenging. However, it can be very rewarding. Love travels miles for the ones that it cares about and does not regard airfare as a price too high to pay. Love is given, used, and recycled. Love takes many forms, at times familiar and at other times, unfamiliar. Love is trying. Love requires sacrifice, the kind a military serviceman or servicewoman gives his/her country when they are deployed. Love requires that you give of yourself without expecting anything in return.

Love also teaches you about yourself. Love is the mirror in which we look into everyday, judging our appearance from the outside, allowing the public to view us the way that we see ourselves. Though, in reality, the inside is what fly's away, revealing the cocoon we have tightly packed up inside us. Love prunes you and makes you stronger. Sometimes, love makes you weak and sorrowful, in order to help you understand an important lesson or to grow and/or maintain closeness to a group.

Love requires you to take risks, to try to surf that high wave rather than skimming in shallow water. Love asks you to see your neighbor as "greater than yourself" and to put their needs before your own. Love encourages you to support your neighbor and to care for them in tangible ways. Love requires you to listen, both thoughtfully and reflectively.

Though love requires all this and more, it is ultimately a teacher. Love requires you to be the child, to sit in the chair and to learn from example. Love requires that we take off our own size 6 shoes in order to walk in our neighbor's size 10. Only when we assume a position like this, can we truly understand what it is like to love one another deeply, in service, in gratitude, in humility, and with thanksgiving.

Cheers.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Contentment Comes Softly

Contentment.

In the most unexpected ways, contentment arrives in my life, like the first buds blossoming on a tree after the last snowfall, a precursor to spring; or, a leaf falling from the sky, quietly landing on the wooden and eroded park bench beside me.

Contentment is an abstract word that is often tied to concrete experiences. Contentment is watching my cat sleep on the couch beside me, as his whiskers twitch from dreams and his paws patter the invisible air. Contentment is knowing that I have found my passion in life, that is, teaching and that I can't imagine doing anything else besides it. Contentment is a warm summer night with a light breeze, nestled under a thin blanket, listening to the crickets chatter throughout the dark, a serenade of free music, moving to my ears. Contentment is taking off my shoes and socks as my feet make love to the warm sand on a deserted beach, walking without a destination in mind. Contentment is knowing that I have done all that I can for the day; knowing that my ability does not come from strength alone, but from something greater that I've allowed to dwell inside of me. Contentment is knowing that you are exactly where you need to be at this particular time in your life, and that you are fulfilling this task with the greatest determination and persistence that you can give.

Contentment doesn't always come to smack you in the face. Contentment may come softly and without hindrance, so that you are thankful to enjoy every last drop, a sweet honey on your tongue, soothing and bursting with hope.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Always Work to Make Things Right

Life isn't always about "being right" or getting the "last word." Sometimes, we are so concerned with getting in that last thought in an effort to make ourselves feel as though we are "ahead" or have a "leg up" on another person. I believe that this power struggle stems from a deeper, internal struggle. Ultimately, it feels like wrestling or a boxing match, where a person has an opponent in a headlock. When you get two people in the ring or on the mat, wrestling their way to the last word or thought, the punches become brutal. Faces become caked with blood that at times, are indescribable, even to their loved ones sitting ringside. Arms ache with trying to punch from mere strength alone. Sweat pours down the face and the body, like rain running down a used umbrella.

So, why do people long for getting in the "last word?" From my experience, it sometimes has more to do with not what we say but how we say it. Our body language tells a story just as well or even better than our lips do. In other words, I'm not a wrestler or a boxer, but I do understand that our body language conveys a message to another person or a group of people, more often than our words do. I would imagine that when a boxer or a wrestler faces their opponent, they are aware of certain postures, gestures, even stances that can predict a fatal blow. If they have practiced enough under a trainer, they may be able to determine when those punches or blows may occur and be a few steps in front of the other person (though not always literally.)

I have noticed that when I am tired and try my best to communicate with my parents through conversation, sometimes the most simple, kind gestures can be a dark rain cloud due to unintentional voice tones, or folded arms across my chest, or a stare on my face. Consciously, I don't intend to do this, but subconsciously, I am tired, want to sleep, and it is past my bedtime.

When this happens, I am reminded that mere strength alone is not enough for me to succeed in the boxing or wrestling match. Preparation is needed and an awareness of self is required in order for us to accurately and effectively communicate our needs to groups of people, especially those closest to us. Loved ones often take the brunt of our negativity and this should not be so. But, it helps to know that something deeper lies beneath all of this hardship: God. He is the one that gives me the strength to try again when I fail. He is the one who speaks the Philippians 4:13 verse to me when I feel as though I cannot face "that person" or "that situation": his voice whispers lovingly in my ear saying: "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." It is important that I identify where this strength comes from and point its presence in my life back to God.

Life requires me to interact with people and situations when I am happy as a child, hopeful as a rainbow, sorrowful as a thunderstorm. It is His ability, His life within me, that allows me to try again and again to "make things right."

Monday, August 10, 2015

Confessions of a Gluten-Free Gal: Yes, I am 26, Still Single, and Love Sorbet.

In conversation type situations, I am often asked, "So, what do you do?" I reply that I am a teacher and frequently follow it up with a few other things that I am quite proud of. Then, the all-too familiar question inevitably follows: "So, are you seeing anybody?" (As if that question ultimately determines your worth in society. Sadly, it often does and many great people typically go unnoticed.)

My gut wants to reply with, "a lot of people, actually! I just talked with the Barista at Starbucks while he made my cold brew with honey; I told the man waiting outside the iLoveKickboxing place that the trunk on his car was open; and, I saw the familiar faces of the people at the deli counter when I went grocery shopping today."

Knowing that won't suffice as an answer but will make for a pretty good icebreaker, I tend to revert to the usual: "No, not yet." Or, my personal favorite, "Lots of boys, but no men."

Then, the "said person" asks me my age, or will attempt to say something "comforting" like "Well, you're still young," You have your whole life ahead of you," or "I'm sure you'll find someone when the time is right."

Well meaning people often look at me like I am a school project that needs to be finished by a particular deadline or something that is broken that needs to be fixed.

I would like to argue the point that while these groups of people mean well and that their efforts and familiar phrases do not go unnoticed, I am not a "broken project that needs to be fixed."

In my opinion, you can't put a deadline on "love", "relationships," or "romance." Everyone navigates through these waters at different paces and at different times. I do, however want to stress the importance that I am personally grateful and humbled of all of the things that I have accomplished thus far in my life without a man as an independent, single, twenty-something young woman. For example, I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that I could put myself through Graduate School while working full-time as a teacher.

And, I have come to realize that the "right" man for me, will not be flawless, but will also be a work-in progress as I currently am. He will see my life as a challenge and as a journey and will want to partner with me as we buckle up together for that rollercoaster of a ride.

It's amazing how life turns out, too. I have personally watched myself grow at various points on a continuum as a young woman. These road posts have been influential in my personal growth as a woman, as a teacher, and as a friend. There was a time when I was in college, where every chance I saw a guy, I would think "Is he the one?" Then, I graduated from that mentality to being comfortable around groups of people and viewing my interactions with guys as a way to get to know them and their stories. Eventually, this mindset shifted again to "I feel comfortable with my identity and who I am as a woman, specifically, in God." I observed my interactions and intentions start to shift after a period of time again where I realized, "It might be nice to have someone around someday to do things with." I felt my heart opening up in that specific way and became very much okay with that route because of my previous preparation. Recently, I have noticed that a lot of my friends have either had newborns, been engaged, or are about to get married. And, I've, yet again, crossed another road post: "I am okay with being single the rest of my life."

These road posts have been wonderful reminders for me at how far I've come in a personal way. I've used this time to deepen my relationship with God and to get to know new people from all walks of life, both at work and in social situations. And, as I look back at the times where I so yearned for a significant other, I realize one simple thing: how could I have squeezed him into my already busy and chaotic life?

So, as I approach another birthday in the new year, I am humbled at the growth that God has worked within me. Without Him, I would probably still be the shy and introverted young teenage girl. As I sit here typing this blog post, I am gently reminded of the verse that says, "God will give you the desires of your heart." He has put the desire of a relationship in my heart, and I know that He will fulfill it when He decides that the time is right. I know that He has not forgotten about me, even when I feel lonely at times on a Friday night, or find myself trying to eat through a pint of mango sorbet. God has been writing my love story all along; first with me loving Him, loving others, and eventually, making the way for my heart to love a man. I am reminded that we are all vessels, each carrying different kinds of cargo on an ocean that can be extremely rough, or calm, or a bit of both.

So, there is no "deadline" and there is no "fixing." There is just God and two people, sailing on the ocean; originating at different starting points, heading across the sea, meeting each other, someday.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Neighborhood Friends

Dear Readers,

As I get older, I have realized that it is important to make friends, establish friendships, and maintain friendships in a variety of places. I have found that opening myself up to making friends at work, at my gym, and outside of school have allowed me to view the world through different lenses and to take on the life of another human being for that moment in which we interact.

Let me give you an example. In my neighborhood, there are many women who are considerably older than I am, overflowing with wise wisdom. These women are always available to give advice, to talk, and to just "be present" for me whenever I need it. I am truly thankful that my neighbors are constantly there for me, checking in on me when my shades aren't up at a certain time in the morning, and just popping by to say "hello."

And I realize now, that as I continue to get older (though I am only in my mid-twenties!) I would rather have a handful of flowering Zinnia friends that I can call on consistently, rather than a handful of dandelion acquaintances that sprout up sometimes and then are washed away by the rain the next.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Confessions of a Gluten-Free Gal - Part 1:Sleep is Important (Among Other Things)

Dear Readers,

So begins my first post of the "Confessions of a Gluten-Free Gal" blogger style. Over the past year, a handful of my posts on social media have been titled "Confessions of a Gluten-Free Gal," with my musings, focused on anything from relationships, to being comfortable with who you are, to pet peeves, etc. Throughout this time, a few of my friends have mentioned that I should start a blog centered on this. At first, I took it as somewhat of a joke, but then, when people from all different walks of life started encouraging me in this way, I thought, "why not?" Aside from being a teacher, one of my other passions/hobbies in life is writing. And, I don't tend to do much of that nor make time for that as a daily practice in my life anymore. As such, I'm hoping to integrate this practice into my daily life once again, as routine as eating, waking up, conversing, and interacting with the world is. And, so here begins (what I hope), are daily/weekly reflection(s) on life as a single, gluten-free gal.

\\\\
Sleep is important.

But, last night, I couldn't sleep. I literally slept, at the most, one hour. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't fall asleep. But, I know that I am not alone in this endeavor. Though I tend not to struggle with falling asleep, I do struggle with shutting off my "television" of a mind at night. I've read research articles about the importance of unplugging from technology before going to bed every night, but still, I fall short. Sometimes, when I examine myself really closely with a magnifying glass, I have a fear of missing out (or FOMO), as some of my friends like to call it.

Other times, I just have so many thoughts swirling around in my head like a tornado, that I cannot simply, silence them. When I was in college, I used to write before I went to sleep and then this practice slowly drifted away. It was incredibly helpful, because as soon as I made the effort to collect my thoughts on paper, I was able to rest comfortably.

However, I think that the busyness of life and the seasons that I found myself in, changed all of that. Deep down inside, I have realized one thing: we all struggle, or should I say, we all have our own boatload of challenges that we encounter on a daily basis. The piece that should be the determining factor of whether we "write," (however pen to paper looks in our lives) is, are we brave enough to name the things that cause us pain, hurt, or even sorrow, to call them out, and to work inside the vessel of learning how to live life alongside them. Because, I feel that once we do that, (once I begin to call out that I worry, I work a lot, and sometimes, I take myself too seriously), then we will begin to find healing and open up the pathway to a cottage surrounded by the beauty of blossoming flowers.