In conversation type situations, I am often asked, "So, what do you do?" I reply that I am a teacher and frequently follow it up with a few other things that I am quite proud of. Then, the all-too familiar question inevitably follows: "So, are you seeing anybody?" (As if that question ultimately determines your worth in society. Sadly, it often does and many great people typically go unnoticed.)
My gut wants to reply with, "a lot of people, actually! I just talked with the Barista at Starbucks while he made my cold brew with honey; I told the man waiting outside the iLoveKickboxing place that the trunk on his car was open; and, I saw the familiar faces of the people at the deli counter when I went grocery shopping today."
Knowing that won't suffice as an answer but will make for a pretty good icebreaker, I tend to revert to the usual: "No, not yet." Or, my personal favorite, "Lots of boys, but no men."
Then, the "said person" asks me my age, or will attempt to say something "comforting" like "Well, you're still young," You have your whole life ahead of you," or "I'm sure you'll find someone when the time is right."
Well meaning people often look at me like I am a school project that needs to be finished by a particular deadline or something that is broken that needs to be fixed.
I would like to argue the point that while these groups of people mean well and that their efforts and familiar phrases do not go unnoticed, I am not a "broken project that needs to be fixed."
In my opinion, you can't put a deadline on "love", "relationships," or "romance." Everyone navigates through these waters at different paces and at different times. I do, however want to stress the importance that I am personally grateful and humbled of all of the things that I have accomplished thus far in my life without a man as an independent, single, twenty-something young woman. For example, I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that I could put myself through Graduate School while working full-time as a teacher.
And, I have come to realize that the "right" man for me, will not be flawless, but will also be a work-in progress as I currently am. He will see my life as a challenge and as a journey and will want to partner with me as we buckle up together for that rollercoaster of a ride.
It's amazing how life turns out, too. I have personally watched myself grow at various points on a continuum as a young woman. These road posts have been influential in my personal growth as a woman, as a teacher, and as a friend. There was a time when I was in college, where every chance I saw a guy, I would think "Is he the one?" Then, I graduated from that mentality to being comfortable around groups of people and viewing my interactions with guys as a way to get to know them and their stories. Eventually, this mindset shifted again to "I feel comfortable with my identity and who I am as a woman, specifically, in God." I observed my interactions and intentions start to shift after a period of time again where I realized, "It might be nice to have someone around someday to do things with." I felt my heart opening up in that specific way and became very much okay with that route because of my previous preparation. Recently, I have noticed that a lot of my friends have either had newborns, been engaged, or are about to get married. And, I've, yet again, crossed another road post: "I am okay with being single the rest of my life."
These road posts have been wonderful reminders for me at how far I've come in a personal way. I've used this time to deepen my relationship with God and to get to know new people from all walks of life, both at work and in social situations. And, as I look back at the times where I so yearned for a significant other, I realize one simple thing: how could I have squeezed him into my already busy and chaotic life?
So, as I approach another birthday in the new year, I am humbled at the growth that God has worked within me. Without Him, I would probably still be the shy and introverted young teenage girl. As I sit here typing this blog post, I am gently reminded of the verse that says, "God will give you the desires of your heart." He has put the desire of a relationship in my heart, and I know that He will fulfill it when He decides that the time is right. I know that He has not forgotten about me, even when I feel lonely at times on a Friday night, or find myself trying to eat through a pint of mango sorbet. God has been writing my love story all along; first with me loving Him, loving others, and eventually, making the way for my heart to love a man. I am reminded that we are all vessels, each carrying different kinds of cargo on an ocean that can be extremely rough, or calm, or a bit of both.
So, there is no "deadline" and there is no "fixing." There is just God and two people, sailing on the ocean; originating at different starting points, heading across the sea, meeting each other, someday.
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