I bet that every girl has written "that list" before. You know, "the list," ladies - the one that usually begins with something along the lines of "The Things I Want in a Man." At one point or another in our lives, I can honestly say that I've fashioned at least two or three of these lists; one as a young girl, one as a teenager, and now one as an adult. And, the funny thing is, as I get older, my list gets shorter and shorter and the points become more and more abstract.
When I was in high school, I was encouraged to chronicle the "traits" or "characteristics" that I looked for in a future man. At that point in a young 16 year-old-girl's life, we're thinking about appearances, height, hair color, athleticism, etc. We're not even thinking about debt, student loans, has a good job, etc. But, by the time we're adults, ladies, I reckon that some of these "essential qualifications" begin to change.
I recently came across my most updated "list" that I compiled when I took a road trip up to New Hampshire with a couple of friends. I completely forgot that I had it, until I sat down with my journal to write tonight. As I sat there holding my "list for a future man," I realized that as women, (well, as a teacher, really) I am so accustomed to lists and to checking things off in a box to get them accomplished, that I sometimes inadvertently apply the same process to finding a man.
This is not to say that we shouldn't know what we are looking for in a potential mate. All of us have those "deal-breakers" or things that we can just live without. Growing up, I wouldn't give a second look to a guy who had a tattoo. Now, it's not as a big deal for me (depending upon how many and their location :)) Instincts are very important when it comes to relationships and dating. A potential future interest should spark some curiosity and amazement, wonder and joy within you, without giving too much of himself or herself away.
As a twenty-something young woman, I reflect back on my list often. I also understand that my "list" has drastically decreased from over 20 items as a teenage girl to now 4 (Significant change, huh?)
Bet you're all wondering what's on that list, right? Well, you're in luck - because I'm going to share it with you.
In my current, updated, 2.0 version of "a list for a future man," I am seeking a guy that displays his attractiveness in the heart (but, physically wouldn't be too shabby to look at, too.) A man who can take stock of the things that he is passionate about and the areas of his life that drive him to do well, adds more fuel to the fire of love and relationships. The guy that I am looking for shouldn't just be considered "eye candy," but should have an honest and humble way about him that causes him to be attractive. For some people, their "attractiveness" is fueled by the way in which they help kids, for others, it's the way that they navigate the waters of Wall Street or a Fortune 500 Company. As for me, I am of the simple and traditional kind that attractiveness should extend beyond the "physical" and into the realm of the world.
Secondly, I want my man to have a healthy dose of humor. That is, he should be able to make me laugh - not by trying but by having an innate and natural ability to cause the people around him to laugh at appropriate times. He should have a good sense of humor and know how to balance that with a tone of seriousness when the time calls for it.
Third, the potential mate should have some "unstructuredness" in him to balance out my need for "structure" and routines. That is to say that the guy needs to be able to encourage me to "slow down" and embrace not having a "list" and "throwing the road map out the window" every once in a while. He needs to be able to show me that sometimes, we cannot plan for life and its obstacles and must create our own and embrace those trials and triumphs that come our way. He must also remind me that I needn't be "in control" all of the time and reassure me that for those times in which I am not in control, that life, and the circumstances which surround it, will be okay.
Finally, (and this is a personal preference of mine), the guy should be tall and good at nighttime driving. I know you're asking me why I am looking for a man that is taller than this girl who has not grown an inch since she was in the fifth grade. Well, I often have difficulty reaching my favorite frozen butternut squash in the freezer aisle at the grocery store and often have to use a pair of salad tongs to reach it. When I reach for the dishes in my house or am trying to get glassware down from the cupboard, more often than not, I am trying to find inventive ways to bring them to my level. (It's not easy being 5 feet, but It's not something that I regret either.) And forget if I accidentally pull the kitchen shade up too high! Now, I have to use a fork or a long spook to pull it down. Doing the laundry also poses another problem in itself. If I don't wear my clogs that add at least another 1.5 to 2 inches or heels to reach into the washing machine, then I struggle to get the clothes out. Now, I'm not saying that a man who is tall will "magically" solve all of these obstacles, but what I am hinting at is the fact that this last piece would be the "icing on the cake" so to speak. And, what about the cherry, you ask? Well, I use it as decoration, but I'm not really a fan of cherries, so if he likes those too, then I can just give it to him.
What's on your "list?" If you are married, did you ever form one? Did it change throughout the course of your dating life, single life, etc.? Any advice you'd recommend to this single, gluten free gal?
-cheers!
No comments:
Post a Comment