Raspberry Tea, Falling in Love, Rest, and Rain.

As I sit typing this long-awaited post, I am sipping on Bigelow's Red Raspberry Royale hot tea from my favorite worn and yellow mug. Outside, it is raining, as splatters of raindrops dizzily graze the window in a fashion all too familiar and comfortable. It is on rainy days such as these, that I am thankful, for the fact that, sleeping is always easier for me. Don't ask me why, but I always find it easier to sleep in the rain.

And, as odd as this sounds, I always find it easier to write when it's raining. (Isn't that right?! - haha) Oftentimes when I sit down to write, I have no idea what to write, while sometimes, I seek to explore a certain avenue of life, an idea, or a specific topic that has been on my heart and mind.

Today, I am writing because I am feeling better. For the past 4 days, I have been recovering from a double ear infection and laryngitis. (It's kinda hard to talk when you have no voice, friends!) Anyway, I've been taking comfort in drinking lots of hot tea with honey (something that my Italian neighbors introduced to me), eating lots of whole fruit, and rest. Which, my friends, is the premise of this post; that is, rest.

It's easy for me to give advice to friends on the importance of rest, but to follow the advice myself? Ah, now that's a totally different story.

As a woman who is used to constantly "being busy," running around doing errands, helping other people, being involved within my community and in my school, it's hard for me to rest. But, when I look back on my life and reflect on where exactly that mindset of "busy" and "involvement" came from, I would have to say that it cascaded through the genes of my grandfather and landed in my veins. He was the same way as me. He was a former teacher, Principal, Merchant Marines, and Navy man, and, among other duties, a father. But, he always kept busy. The similar factor that rang true in his life and in mine today, is that of constantly going and moving, quite similar to the "Energizer Bunny" commercial, in fact.

Honestly, it's quite hard for me to "slow down." Even when I try, my mind is still going. One of the common denominators amongst the teachers I have company with is that it's very hard to "shut your brain off" at the end of the school day. Teachers tend to bring "everything" home with them, whether metaphorically or literally. And, I think that is one of the main reasons why I get sick; I continue to run around without being able to "turn off" the tv that is my brain and I am not able to fully rest.

Truthfully, I miss the days where my parents and I went on vacation with limited or no cell phone service, or our "mystery Sunday rides" in neighborhoods unfamiliar to us. Those carefree childhood days where just wonderful. It's hard to grow up and realize that those were the moments that you miss the most.

I've been learning, (albeit slowly) that in order to grow as a person, as a teacher, and as a woman, I need to slow down and learn to "shut my brain off." When I want to move, I just need to "fight the good fight" as Jesus says in the Bible and purposefully stop and do something that helps me to relax. These past 4 days have been a testament to naps, rest, and "puttering around my house." It's hard for a lady to "stop moving" when she's always used to "moving" that when I do "pause" it feels like I should "be doing something."

This trait is no more profound, I've realized recently, than on social media. Many of my friends that I used to hang out with are now in relationships, engaged, or married. (I know that I may be on the verge of being redundant, as this same piece was explained in a previous post, it does bear revisiting again.) When this happens and I find myself comparing one piece of my life (a spouse) to my entire life through the lens of another person, I get discouraged, until I remind myself of all of the things that I have accomplished thus far with God. If it wasn't for him, I honestly don't know where I would be today, as cliché as that sounds. Actually, I take that back. I do know where I would be today - still a quiet and shy girl, not speaking unless she's spoken to and content on offering her opinion only when asked. When I reflect on how far I've come and how far I've grown as a woman, now that is worth celebrating. However, I don't express this feat as something to "brag" about or something in which to draw attention to myself and say "look at me." Not at all. I express this with the utmost humility, knowing that it was by no work of my own but of Him who created and sent me to do his good works.

And to be frank, I know that someday, I will be married, have a family with kids, and a husband who supports me and I, him. Yet, I still hope and plan to hold onto those sweet memories I have with my parents, for those are so worth cherishing. I am a firm believer in knowing that desires are placed on our hearts (regardless of our beliefs) for a reason. And sometimes, those hopes and dreams aren't answered right away, or answered in a different order, for that matter. We need to embrace them as they come, and to know and understand that just because I may not be meeting "societal milestones" as society dictates in our 21st century, does not mean that I am "less than" someone who is "married." It also does not mean that people need to complete certain "milestones" in a particular order.

For some reason, unknown to me, my career ended up flourishing first. That's wonderful news! From my experiences interacting with young people and those who are wiser and older than me, careers tend to take off after we have "settled down." I am so thankful that I have a career in teaching not just students, but teachers at a college, too. I am truly thankful for all of the opportunities that have come my way as a young twenty-something woman.

And, I look forward at all that is to come, as well. I look forward to the day where I meet my future husband and the journey that will come along with that. It will be rocky and smooth, I'm sure, but those experiences and opportunities will help us to grow stronger as a couple, together. And, though the famed Hallmark movies encourage me to "think about love" in a certain way, I am open to falling in love in different ways than the norm. It took me a while to come to that realization, but for now, I am content with that.

As for the rainy day, I grasp my cup of Red Raspberry Royale Tea from my worn and yellow mug, close my eyes, and drift off to sleep with the light pitter-patter of the rain in the background.

Cheers, my friends.

Lots of Boys But No Men

Ever have those moments where you drive with the windows and the top of your car down because the weather is just "that good?" Monday - you were one of those days. And tonight, was just a tease of autumn in the midst of summer. So breezy and cool, I ate my supper on the front stoop of my house. I'm looking forward to more afternoons and nights like this.

But as with moments, "all good things must come to and end" as the saying goes (or at the very least, put on pause for a while.) And so, I ventured back inside my house to write this blog post at my wooden dining room table. I'm looking outside my window, watching the sunset, chamomile tea on the left of me, eating gluten free/dairy free chocolate and cranberry fudge. Yum. My fingers are typing away furiously on the computer, the keyboard making clicking sounds like an old-fashioned typewriter, purple Opi nails bouncing up and down, like balloons in the air - dancing to their tune of Click Clack Moo, Cows That Type.

While I sat outside with my supper tonight, one of my neighbors came over to talk with me. He shared the story of how he and his wife first met. To this day, I love asking people "their story" because, in reality, every couple has "their story." Whether it seems big or small in our eyes, that "moment" and/or "series of moments" are significant to the story that a particular couple shares together. And that my friends, is beautiful.

Anyway, as I sat listening to the story, I realized something. Meeting someone back then seemed "easier" in a sense. Maybe not "easy" in the way beating eggs with a fork for breakfast might be, but "easy" in that, everyone seemed to know each other. The gal really knew the guy because the families interacted with each other regularly. From my experience, nowadays, we have all different avenues to go about meeting potential people/significant interests, with word of mouth, blind dates, online dating, swiping left or right, initiating conversation when out with a group of friends, etc. There seems to be more platforms with which to meet someone. However, I can't help but feeling that, for some people out there, maybe even you who stumbled upon this post by happenchance :), you may feel lonelier or even further away from meeting someone due to all of these technological advances. And, you may be reading this on the other side of the lens - feeling extremely connected to the world via social media, technology, your friends, etc. Either way you feel, I think it suffices to say that our "dating world" today is vastly different than my neighbors was back then. Let me give you an example.

From my own personal experiences, I've come to realize that when I find myself "falling for a guy" (for lack of a better phrase), I immediately put up walls around myself to convince myself that what I'm "feeling" is nothing more and nothing less and to suppress those feelings by not thinking about them nor looking towards the future with that particular guy anymore. This is pattern of mine that I've come to liken to a horse in a race track with blinders. Those blinders represent the walls that I put up in an effort to protect myself, to shield myself from potential hurt and distrust, and my whole uncertainty with the "dating" field. This is a piece of me that has taken a long time to acknowledge and to even put a "name" on, but, nonetheless, as soon as I did that, I was able to work on removing those blinders to see the rest of the racetrack and the other horses racing beside me, too.

This is not to say that I have lowered my standards at all. In fact, because of this realization, my standards have improved and changed. Now, when I meet guy friends who I may have potential interest in, I ask myself a series of questions, in no particular order- "do I see myself with this guy long term? Is this a "boy" (in terms of maturity) or a "man?" (because there is a significant difference for both); Will this man challenge me to pursue life without a roadmap every one in a while? Can this man be trusted? How does this man deal with conflict? What does this man do when he's not hanging out with his friends? Does this man have proof in his life of establishing a significant commitment? How does this man treat other women? Does this man act a certain way around me and completely different around his closest friends? How is this man with kids? (a big question for me because I am a teacher) Does he interact well with kids? Do they look up to him as they would a father?

Those are just some of the questions that I begin to ask myself throughout the course of getting to know a guy. And to be honest, sometimes, our initial "first impressions" are incorrect and we need to give the guy a second chance. Sometimes, it's not him, it's us. And sometimes, we need to be truthful when we've fallen short.

I often get asked a lot, by friends, by neighbors, by people I've met, some similar and familiar phrasing of this group of words: "So, is there anyone special in your life?" And, I'm always tempted to respond with "yes, great friends!" or "wonderful family!" or, (my personal favorite) "lots of boys but no men." And sometimes, I respond to that well-meaning, abstract question with an honest "No, not yet." I can't tell you why that part of my life hasn't flowered yet, but what I can share is that I'm being pruned like a tree and trained like a Seabiscuit-kind-of-horse, to lower my blinders and to allow kind hearted men in. And, I know that as soon as those blinders are fully lowered, then, and only then, can I depart from the racetrack to open myself up and say, "I'm ready."

-cheers.

Comparison is the Enemy of Success

Honest moment here. Every time that I jet off to type a blog post, I always need to have another tab open to FB. It's just something that I do. Call it FOMO (fear of missing out) or an inability to be disconnected from the outer world for just a little bit. Yet, so often, I find myself checking social media accounts multiple times a day - that I wonder, where could that energy be expended instead? How could I be using those "minutes" over the airwaves of the earth, better?

It saddens me to say, that there are days where I often (no, frequently) find myself comparing my life to that of others. (see my blog post from yesterday, because at times, I view myself as Phelp's opponent, looking at him in the pool instead of focusing on myself.) And, I firmly believe that the act of "focusing on your life" (in a humble way of course), is a daily struggle that we all encounter.

When I step back from the camera lens and allow myself permission to "zoom out," I observe that there could be a variety of reasons why I let myself fall victim to one of three "comparison roadblocks," as I'll call them. For the purposes of this post, here they are:

1) The comparison of social media's latest fancies,

2) the comparison of people within my age bracket, and

3) the comparison of people who are married vs. those who are single (like me).

Some days, I trip harder than others, and both the bruises and the scrapes that remain are quite bloodied and purple. Yet, those hurts are evidence that I am growing and that I am trying to combat this "disease" of comparison that the whole wide world has on all of us, regardless of age - but, I feel, primarily with young people and those who are in their 20's and 30's. Some days, I feel good about myself, other days, I see what others are broadcasting across a variety of social media facets and feel small in my feats, compared to them. I'm not out hiking mountains or serving kids in third world countries. But, from sunrise to sunset, I am reminded of how loved I am in a world that constantly and incessantly, craves and wants more. And for young people, this false ideology can be extremely detrimental. Honestly, social media is a platform of a masquerade of sorts; in that, people post what makes them feel good and what they think other people want to hear. Imagine, instead, if we all took the time to think about what we posted and the ramifications of it before we actually clicked the word "post?"

As a teacher, I see our young kids firsthand, with cell phones, constantly checking their social media accounts for the next "like" or "view." Imagine, how much different our world would be if we taught them to use the social media platform as a way to share ideas in a thoughtful manner and as a way to bring their life changing views to the forefront? There are days, where I feel like "my kids," afraid of missing out on something important, where I could have used those precious few minutes of time writing a note, enjoying my home, or taking a breath of fresh air. I know it sounds so simple, but if we decided to do that every time we reached for our phone or sat down at our computer/devices/MacBook/iPad, etc. (you get the idea), imagine how different our world would be? I'd like to think that we would have more people talking to each other rather than staring at their phones, contemplating not on how to obtain the most "likes" for instant gratification and satisfaction but how to establish and maintain a lifelong road of adventure and "off-roading."

As a middle-aged twenty something woman, I do admit, that a second way in which I compare myself to that of the outside world is by seeking what others are doing in my age bracket and deciding if I'm living up to them. In essence, I'm putting "those people" on a pedestal, without even meaning to at all. This is yet another pitfall for me due to the fact that I'm already assuming that because I'm not doing what "they're" (insert whoever "they're is for you) doing, then I cannot be successful. Which is another mistruth.

When I again step back and analyze the camera lens, I am proud of all that I've accomplished at my age so far in my life. I am reminded that I have a full-time job teaching that I absolutely love, another job teaching at a college this fall, a home that I adore, and family and friends that are supportive of me in my endeavors. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that my journey would take me to where I am today. And, as cliché as that sounds, it's true. I'm very happy that I've grown up and taught to be an independent woman, who is free to speak her own mind, who graduated from a shy and quiet girl, and transformed across the stage into a luxurious butterfly. Whenever I feel that negative thoughts have overtaken me, I always, always remind myself of how far I've come, what I've accomplished, and the future that lies ahead. And, when I do, I am again reminded that it's all because of Him. And for that truth, I am thankful.

Because of God, I know that I am single for now. Whenever I feel myself comparing my "singleness" to that of young married folks, I immediately remind myself of the things that I am privileged to do as a single person. Like stay at home in my pjs on a Saturday. Take myself out to dinner. Read in the backyard. Go for a drive to the country store. Social media makes it easy for single people to think that something must be "amiss" in their lives because they are not "with someone" or "getting married" or "engaged" or "not even close to him 'popping' the question." That's simply not true! We are loved and cherished and blessed regardless of our current "romantic" state, for lack of a better word. Granted, my heart knows what it knows and I look forward to being married someday, to meeting a guy who will "sweep me off my feet" in his own unique wayl someone that I can have a good laugh with, one who will go for a run with me, a man that enjoys the ocean, one that likes to travel, and a guy that will push me to be the best I can be. That, I know will come in time. But for now, I am content as a single woman. Accepting this truth has taken many years, but I can honestly say that I've learned and gained so much as a single woman.

That's all to say that you are loved exactly where you are. Another cliché, I know. Haha! But, it's true! You are. Stop comparing yourself to another person and trying to see if you measure up. "Because with the measure that you use, it will also be used to you." Our measuring cups are all filled with different amounts, so if we compare 1/2 cup of cinnamon to someone with 1 cup of sugar, then we are not comparing the same amounts, nor the same ingredients. Please know that your mistakes are not your future. You are loved because of your identity, because of who you are. You are loved because of your passions not in spite of them. You are loved because you are deeply cared for, you are a child of, in my view, God. He is so happy and pleased when you call "Father," that He eagerly takes you into His arms to hold and cradle you as you were when you were a young child.

Okay, end of rant. But, for those of you who need encouragement in a world that seems to compare every little thing against everything else, you are loved just as you are. Rest easy with that truth.

--cheers.

Phelp's, Pretzels, and Cameras

(I haven't had the urge to creatively write in a long time. The last time I wrote "creatively" was when I was at a Summer Teacher's Conference at Phillips Exeter Academy (PEA) (the last summer that my grandfather was alive). But, when I do allow myself space to write in this way, this juice is what spills out.

As I type this post, I am sitting outside on my stairs, waiting for the rain to come. I hear the thunder (or rather, heard the thunder), about an hour ago - so loud, that it rumbled inside the church. Now, all that remains is a clear blue sky, with ominous looking clouds, hanging high above, like a bird in a carefully crafted nest, a dark curtain, waiting for the opening act of the night.

Haha - all kidding aside, there is no trace of rain in the sky. Instead a blue, robin's egg coat remains, with gorgeous light: The Golden Hour.

My black iced coffee soothes my throat, a welcomed treat in this stretch of oppressive summer weather we've been having. I feel as though I've sweat so much within the past three days; I'm a dry fish - drinking bottles of water in an effort to salvage the parchedness I've felt.

And yet, my hand dips into the paper flowered cup to grab some Snyder's Gluten-free pretzels. My insides crave the cold, familiar embrace of coffee and yet they want the salted the pretzels, all at the same time. Ever feel that way? Where you want two things, that you love, simultaneously, and you can't find a "happy medium" with either?

Sometimes, life is like that.

So, enter - the banana. Haha- no really! On warm summer days, the banana is the "third party mediator," the unbiased judge, who looks at all of the evidence presented by both the prosecutor and the defender in the family court. Then, he migrates into his chambers, for an undetermined amount of time. You wonder what he/she is thinking. And then, he emerges, with a decision in his head; hopefully, aligning with his heart. Or, is it a decision in his heart, aligning with how he/she feels in his head? Either way, a decision has been made, for both the pretzel and the iced coffee, and the banana has the floor, for better or for worse.

Sometimes, life is like that.

Especially when you want both the pretzel and the iced coffee, but know that the banana is the better "choice" out of the three. Sometimes, you have to make decisions. Sometimes, you may not see the effects of your decisions right away. Sometimes, you have to wait a while to see the results. Sometimes, they happen right away, and, like the clichéd version of the "domino affect," sometimes, there is nothing to reverse your decision(s).

Anyway, as I tutored a young girl this past week on her summer reading project - I painted this analogy for her. I was trying to describe something to her, but alas, that something escapes me now. Time has a way of doing that to us, doesn't it? It revs us up in the car to go 60+ mph and yet, its hard to stop when it beckons us to slow down, to ease up on the gas.

I shared with this girl, that I love to take pictures. One of my hobbies is photography, and I always dream of someday, saving up enough money to buy one of those really expensive cameras (you know the ones I'm talking about :) ) Cameras, and photographs, for that matter, tend to do a great job about capturing the "moments." Sometimes, I shared, I get so caught up in capturing that one, tiny "moment," that I forget to zoom out and see the bigger picture. Instead of focusing on that moment for what it is and really, truly enjoying it, I often reach for my phone and try to snap a picture. There are times where it's wonderful, but if I'm constantly focusing the camera on such a tiny detail, a smidgen of life (granted, those are the details and moments that we tend to remember the most), then I fail to enjoy the moment for the beauty that it was created to be.

After I related it back to her summer reading project, she seemed to understand the idea. Sometimes, focusing on the moments in our "camera frame" (whatever your camera frame is for you), causes us to lose sight of the bigger picture and the other "moments" that may not fit into our "frames" because we're too busy looking at "our" own world. There is a bigger world our there, ya know.

Since the Rio 2016 Olympics have been on TV, I've been watching a lot of them every night. I enjoy the fast moving sports of swimming, running, water polo, gymnastics, cycling, and the like. As a young girl who used to play basketball from fifth grade up through high school, on the travel teams, summer leagues, and for my high school, I like the sports that require endurance (though all of them do). I loved the feeling of the basketball in my hand, my palms calloused with thump of the ball, my mind racing with the drills, my heart hoping to make that winning basket. For me, I thrive when I run, or when I played basketball and could go in between the players because I was really short (still am!)

Anyway, one of the best examples, in my opinion, of a single camera focus, is when Michael Phelps won one of the swimming matches against another opponent. There is a picture circulating around the web, that shows him focused with a gaze, straight ahead, on swimming, on reaching the end, and his opponent, turning to look at him. (Google the image, if you haven't already seen it. It's truly powerful, and can be related to so many other things, too.) Phelp's had one, primary focus/goal; his opponent busied himself with looking into the other lane instead of watching his own.

I feel that I am like Phelp's opponent at times, looking "into the other lane," worrying about and concerning myself with other people instead of "keeping my head in the game" (que the High School Musical Song), that it throws off my concentration. As I get older, I have been having moments where I realize that this is happening. I acknowledge them and note that they are there alongside me. Then, (I know it may sound funny), I pray. I say a little prayer and honestly try to find something else to occupy my time. Because truthfully, in two, or three, or even five years, that won't matter in the big scheme (picture) of things. Right now, I am focused on the one small snapshot, instead of "zooming out." Right now, that particular interaction matters. Right now, acknowledging that it does matter and then working to move on, is a slow start, but I do find it helping me.

And, I believe for all people, the "moving on" part takes time. It does not happen overnight or in 45.06 seconds on a swim clock. For some people, this part involves not a prayer, but in a walk outside. For others, it may involve dance. For some, it may involve meditation. Still for some, it involves picking up a paintbrush and painting. The important bond that ties us all together is that of acknowledging the specific camera focus and actively doing something about it.

But, let me let you in on a little secret. The acknowledging and the actively doing something part, is a daily thing. It happens everyday, in a variety of facets in our lives. From experience, once I've thought that I was "done" with something, I was humbly reminded that "no, I still have work to do."

Because, honestly, we're all "a work in progress." And, to be even more completely honest, this is a daily task. And, to strip down to the bare bones, you may ask, "well, how does your post apply to finding a guy someday?" Well, I'm glad you asked!

First of all, I'm not setting out to "find" anyone. Neither, (I hope) does he have an "ad" trying to "locate" me. Once we release ourselves from the so-called "finding true love" that society and my favorite Saturday night movie channel (Hallmark) has grasped on us, then, and only then, do we allow ourselves to be open to exploring the people and the circumstances around us, allowing them to change, grow, and shape us. Secondly, I want a guy who is "a work in progress." I want a man who is acknowledging that he still has work to be done and is eager to change to grow for the better. However, I do seek a man who does know what he wants, who is actively seeking to be a better person, and who is not afraid to let anything stand in his way.

And - to get even more honest with you, I think that's all we hope for in life. To meet and interact with people who know what they want, who are sure of themselves, and who work to advance themselves with the gifts that they've been given for the betterment of this world.

-cheers!

To Hallmark Movies, morning walks, and that guy with the striking blue eyes

Friends, I realized something recently. Well, make that "lots" of somethings.

No, really! I've come to understand (because of maturity, probably) that time passes us so quickly and if we're not careful, we can become so immune to it that we build up a resistance to, so that it neglects to permeate our souls. In other words, if we don't allow the world, more specifically, those "special" things that give us drive, fuel our passion, and cause us to come alive, then, in essence, we are not feeding our inner beings and merely letting our world "cruise by." All that to say, we need to make room for the wind to blow between our toes. Seriously! Have you ever just paused on a summer afternoon, all that you're doing, removed your footwear, and really felt the wind blow through your toes? It's magical. You can't see the wind but it's there. This simple analogy reminds me of the effects that God has on my life. In some situations, I don't recognize or acknowledge that value, being His presence in my life for a variety of reasons. But, when I do, and I remove my sneakers, sandals or pumps and feel this wind whisking away between my size 6 feet, I am reminded that He has been present with me all along.

Anyway, all that to say - I watched a Hallmark Movie yesterday with my cats (haha!) and I stumbled upon something. Well, besides the fact that all Hallmark movies end with the same "happily every after," and in real life those relationships/marriages are actually very hard work. This guy and gal work together on trying to make the most "perfect" wedding for their mutual friends and end up falling in love themselves. Throughout the movie, I discovered that I really resonated with the female character. She never allowed herself to let her "guard down" and experience "love" because it came with the potential of "too much hurt and pain" and that just wasn't worth risking. I learned that like this character, I too, experience the discomfort of not letting my guard down because I am uncertain of what "may" or "may not happen."

I've shared this analogy before. Sometimes, I feel like I am a racing horse with blinders on either side of my eyes, racing forward through life, without looking on who is to the left or to the right of me in the arena. I've recently come to terms with this illusion that if I continue at this speed, I will miss all of the chances "to love" with potential relationships, regardless if they travel anywhere far. I'm working on this characteristic as we speak and I know that I will be mudding through it over the duration of my life.

Second, a lot can be said about morning walks. The hardest thing for me to do sometimes, is getting up early to go for a walk. It's establishing the routine that's challenging for me, but, once it's there, I can accomplish it with ease. On morning walks, I do my best thinking. Life is just waking up and I get to see all sorts of creatures that I would typically miss on an afternoon run. Engaging in morning walks helps me to slow down and wake up, to embrace the "fast paced" feeling of the day with persevering stamina. I love seeing the little rabbits, the flocks of birds migrating to their nests or overtaking that of a fellow neighboring bird, and the occasional car going up and down the hills that I climb. My best thoughts or ideas occur when I'm out walking. I love when I do conquer the difficulty of waking up early and interacting with the outdoors long before I dive into the world of social media. (Because, who really needs to check their Instagram at 6:00am?) We all have things that we're working on and waking up early sometimes and removing myself from the "picture perfect world" of social media are two of them.

Last, I find that as I give myself permission to "slow down" at the beginning of the day rather than the latter, I am able to pick up on nuances better. For example, I am able to notice the minute things in people and observe life in an intricate way. Now, I don't want you to think that all I do is go to coffee shops and read while doing the occasional "people watching." (There is SO much that we can and still have, to learn from each other! Another post on that for a future time.) I want  to convey the notion that because I've allowed myself to interact with nature early on, I am refreshed to put forth a greater amount of effort into my work during the day. I am also keenly aware of people's interactions, or lack thereof, with each other.

Yesterday, when I went to the gas station, the attendant at the full service building had these striking blue eyes. Now, I'm not saying that because I went on a morning walk that I was more attuned to his physical outward appearance. However, I hadn't really picked up on these features in people before. As a teacher, I've become astute in reading non verbal body language and this man's striking blue eyes were no laughing matter. (no pun intended :) ) They were the kind of eyes that you may see on a summer day, when the sky hugs the clouds thousands of miles above the earth, on an exotic island, above the shores of an aquamarine beach. His eyes had the ability to convey a message of kindness, genuineness, and humility. Granted, it was a mere 5 minute interaction at most, but I am hopeful that this small interaction is a foreshadowing of what is to come; in that, I hope someday, I will be able to interact with a man like this and get to know him well, even if it starts with just looking into his eyes, because, to me (and I understand it sounds cliché, "eyes are the windows to the soul.")

Speaking of "someday," you should totally read the book, Someday, Someday, Maybe by Lauren Graham (yes! The woman who plays the mom, Lauralie from the TV Series, the Gilmore Girls.) I just purchased it yesterday and can't put it down. It's been in my "hot little hands" as my mom used to say about me when I was young. I see myself in the main character and am excited to show you the website, by clicking the above link in the book title.

That's all for now.
Have a wonderful day!

~alex

The Parabola of Love

A friend and I recently met for coffee. Did you know, (at least for me, anyway) that the best conversations happen over coffee? There is something so profound about holding a beverage (cold, warm, or both) in your hands and having a conversation with someone. It's almost as if the beverage serves as a "bridge" between the conversation and what your intentions are with that person. Having a beverage in your hands makes communication easier and also gives you something to hold onto.

Anyway, my favorite daytime beverage of choice in this hot and humid weather that we've been having (we're in a heatwave, folks!) is iced coffee with honey! Today, I tried something new. For those of you who know me, you know that I am a creature of habit and once I find something that I like, it is hard to get me to even attempt to change. Well, change, I did and I am happy that I created space for this simple, minute event to occur. Haha - all that said and I tried a sangria iced tea with fresh fruit. It was really, really good! All those blackberries, orange slices, and fruit really made the tea worthwhile.

Alas, enough with these tangents. And, onto the rest of my story. By the way, as I sit here typing this post, I am drinking chamomile tea with agave nectar. Yes, it is something new that I tried during my recent week long trip to Connecticut. :)

Back to the story where my friend and I met for coffee. I enjoy having those friendships, and treasure them, really; you know the friends that you can call up and talk to the on the phone and meet, like that day or a day (or two) later? Yes, those are the friendships that I live for. And, as I grow older, I have come to the realization that I have less "close" friends and more "acquaintances" and sometimes, friends become acquaintances depending upon the seasons of your life and of theirs. (That's another story for a future blog post. Hehe.)

So, as we sat in the coffee shop and exchanged stories about our lives, we celebrated the good things that were happening and the things that we hoped would get better. As we conversed about life and dreams, our talk meandered back to a topic that we always seem to navigate towards: relationships. And, as I sat listening, I wondered: Do attachment and infatuation occur at the same time in a relationship? How long does it take for a person to let their guard down and/or open up in a relationship? What makes some relationships easier to move on from and others more difficult and challenging?

As a teacher, my mind immediately went to trying to create a visual for these types of questions. My friend and I sat drinking coffee while we "mapped" out a graph of these important, and I'd like to say, essential questions that are key to any relationship on napkins.

Here are some things that, upon reflection, I discovered:

1) Attachment and infatuation arrive at different times in a relationship. Sometimes, you may not like a person who is interested in you at the same time as they do. It may take you a little longer. We often confuse "infatuation" with "love" when, I would argue, that "infatuation" is our "puppy love" or our "idealized version" of how we envision our romantic love to be with that "said" person. It takes time to become attached to someone and to the point where you're feelings may overlap on certain issues, as you start to enjoy being in the company and in the presence of that other person. (I've attached (no pun intended) a link below to an article that was published. It is lengthy, but a good and detailed read, nonetheless.)

Attraction, Infatuation, and Love Article by the English Review

2) It takes time for a person to let their guard down AND open up to another who they find themselves interested in. It does not occur at the same time for each person and one may experience the feeling of "openness" long before the other person. Therefore, it is imperative to exercise sensitivity for both yourself and the other person involved. I've observed that sometimes, in relationships, people can expect too much too soon and crave too much too quickly when the waters are receding and the tide is going out. If you identify more as the person who enjoys "galloping," maybe it's time you slow that horse to a walk, in order to allow the other person to walk beside you, at their own pace. Studies show (google it!) that men who are attracted to women will slow down their pace in order to walk with her. Maybe, in relationships, the "gallopers" need to try doing a similar thing.

For me, I am more of a "walk-around-the-stable-and-maybe-trot" kind of lady rather than a "gallop" girl. Guys who are too quick to rush into things with me and take me to a pond to find water first often do not have the same affect on me as men who take the time to walk or trot beside me. In essence, it takes more "time" for me to let my guard down because of past experiences that have influenced and jaded my perspective on relationships and dating. I need a guy who is willing to wait and to see me for who I am (as cliché as that sounds).

3) Lastly, being in a relationship comes with a lot of emotional, physical, and mental baggage. Some relationships, (I'm sure you have friends who have experienced this or you may be experiencing it right now) take time to "get over." Even those two words "getting over" may not suffice it enough. Society can offer advice and their "peanut gallery" for us, but it is up to you to learn from it. You may still remember certain things about a person, such as the way they smelled after they showered or how they lifted that piece of falling hair from your face to behind your ear. Some of those memories will never leave because they are ingrained in you. They have become tattooed on your soul as a permanent part of you. For me, I don't necessarily "get over" someone, per say, but I learn to "move on" from my "infatuation" or "attachment" to a guy.

All that to say, not all guys are "boys." There are some good men out there. My favorite quote to use whenever I get asked if I'm "seeing anybody" is "yes. lots of boys but no men." Because, there is a difference between a man and a man who is disguised as a boy. I'd rather wait for the latter, and if that means my career is off to a rocking good start, then I'll take it. Someday, I know that my time to meet a wonderful guy will come, but until then, I have to maintain and be faithful in the friendships that I have been given. I have to sow into them and be present for the people that God has placed into my life to learn from them, be taught from them, to serve them, and to also allow myself to grow from them. My friendships with guys who value women have taught me one important thing: (and my hair stylist said it best and on numerous occasions to me) that because my standards are high (though not unreasonable), the quality of the man that I meet will be higher and, because of that, he will appreciate me for the things that I have done in my early life and for who I am and appropriately, see that as a challenge and work to stay with me. He will also be the type of man that will seek to help me grow and teach me the times where it's okay to let my guard down. In that case, love can be likened to a parabola. Sometimes, you're up, sometimes, you're down, but in between, you share the same origin - that you have feelings for each other.

And, since that type of relationship is worth waiting for to me, then wait I shall. Because, I'm expectantly hopeful that he is waiting, too.

-cheers!

"Moving On"

Dear Readers,

This past year has been full of changes, to say the least. Changes for myself, for the world, and for the people around me. There is the age-old saying that "change is good." I think that in different contexts, change can AND is good, but in some contexts, change (depending on when it arrives), can be difficult to swallow, process, and handle.

For example, there are positive changes and negative changes. Both "groups" of changes, have the power to bring "side effects," so to say. Yet, these groups of changes are all driven by our "attitudes." Our attitudes within those moments, our perspectives, and our ability to handle gradual changes, immediate changes, and sudden/unexpected changes, showcase to the world our character.

I have to admit, there have been times in my life where my reaction(s) to change has been one of inadvertently using a close friend/relative as a "scapegoat." It isn't until after I allowed my negative attitude to dictate how I act, that I realized the hurt and heartache that I caused. Reflecting upon situations (as both a kid and as an adult) I have realized that had I taken time to "back away" or "step to the side" and analyzed the situation, then the outcome(s) would have been much different.

And, I think that there are various points within our lives that we feel just like this; a feeling of being "self-absorbed" within the context of our own problems that we have a negative view on change. In these scenarios, I've noticed that I have positively changed as a result of them and grown as a woman. I feel that without these instances in our lives, our growth would be stunted by the mundane facets of routines. A friend once told me that if you're feeling down, then go out and help someone else. Go bring light to another person.

However, when we are faced with change, we can choose to view it as negative (as mentioned above) or as positive. It is important to note that even when change comes across or is presented as negative, it may be difficult to see it as being a positive for quite sometime, due to the cloudy weather that may be affecting the overall perspective of the situation. Let me give you an example.

This year has been one of significant change for me. Throughout this school year, there have been times where I did not know where my job would be for next year. Sometimes, I thought I knew while other times, I wasn't so sure. This made me very unsettled. For about 3 months, I went through this grueling process, all the while not realizing that I was growing in the midst of the heartache. In my opinion, it's changes like this that grow us the most and test our "attitudes" and our ability to handle unexpected things that life throws down the slide. Reflecting back, I had no idea that this uncertainty would actually prove to be a positive thing for me and that my attitude, though it was very challenging to see at first, was changing.

I am proud and happy to say that I have a wonderful school that I will be at for next year. I am looking forward to making and establishing new friendships while maintaining the old ones. And, sometimes, it really is a cliché, but oh, so true, that "when one door closes, another door opens."

I thought that by having to leave, I would be leaving what I knew and was familiar with. But, in all actuality, I am gaining more experience as a teacher. By "moving on" as I like to call this experience, many more opportunities have come my way.

Though I can't disclose these new opportunities just yet, I can say that they are causing me to grow, flourish, and blossom, in ways that I never knew existed. These opportunities will challenge me and cause me to look at education from another standpoint and to be able to directly use my advanced education within my teaching this year. I'm excited to be able to impart wisdom into my new students along with all of the duties and responsibilities that come with saying "yes" to new opportunities.

Because, when you're 27 and in a career that you love, you have to take these opportunities when they come because they may only come knocking once.

And, for a lady that likes a roadmap and a calendar and a schedule of when things are happening, these new opportunities are encouraging me to be "okay" with not "knowing" everything all at once, but being able to gradually learn along the way.

Anyway, for those of you out there who have gone through changes (whether you consider them big or small) or are presently wading through the waters of change, please know this: it's okay. You're going to be alright. Sometimes, it's the uncertainty that pains us more than the knowing. But, once you allow space for yourself to accept the change (as hard as it may be) - then it WILL change your outlook, your attitude, and your beliefs, if you let it. That's the thing. You have to give permission for the change to actually affect your life. We can dream of change but until we actually live it and/or it comes knocking at our door, then we will never understand the effects of it.

When I think about how far I came from a shy and quiet young girl to an outspoken advocate as a teacher in the education of all students with and without special needs, I look back and think "Wow! I honestly can't believe how far I've come." And, for me, this change, this growth as a twenty-something woman, is one that I am very proud of. It has caused me to become more confident in my daily work, in my job, and in my social life. Because of this change, I know who I am in Christ and it is Him that I know who has allowed the doors to open, for opportunities to come in, and give me a hug in order to change me again.

I am so thankful for these recent opportunities and look forward to putting my heart and my soul into them to learn, to provide, to be taught, and to share/add to my knowledge.

That's all for today, folks!
Cheers!

~alex

Authenticity and Sincerity Are Essential in a Man

Finding an honest and genuine guy is a rarity these days. Bob Goff, author of the phenomenal book, Love Does, says it best in regards to following Jesus - however, I believe this same truth can be applied across fields to men and to any relationship, for that matter. Goff is quoted in his book as saying:

..."a lot of people who say they know Jesus have all the right words and all the right moves, but what they don't have is sincerity and authenticity."

Think: little red riding hood meets "a wolf in sheep's clothing,"

In my opinion, I feel that those couple of important, necessary, and defining qualities, that of sincerity and authenticity, are missing from men nowadays and, at the same time, becoming increasingly more infrequent.

Guys can talk a good game and walk a good walk, but if they're not authentic or sincere about life or things that they're passionate about, then it's a dead giveaway to me.

No one human being is born being "authentic" and "sincere." I believe that these two qualities are nurtured through life experiences and, simultaneously, taught (whether it be directly and/or indirectly.) Jesus is a great example, however of a man that is/was both "authentic" and "sincere." He epitomized the development of these qualities and, I feel, characterized them for all of humanity to follow.

In order for one to be sincere, they must be put into situations where they exercise and practice sincerity. Sincerity, however, is a trait that can be faked, and, like any good participant at a masquerade ball, eventually, the mask is removed and all inner qualities are revealed at that precise moment in time.

For example, when a close friend loses a loved one, you may feel sincere about wanting to help that person. With that said, what I like to call a "heart change" happens when you may be feeling the same things or similar things as your friend. Another example puts it this way: when 9/11 happened, I felt inside of my "middle schooler heart" that something, at that moment, was wrong with the world, and I immediately felt sincerity for the people who lost someone or many people.

In addition, I also believe that another important trait that is coupled with sincerity and goes hand-in-hand is that of compassion. Just like with sincerity, compassion is not a trait that everyone has and it must be learned.

As a former teacher of students with special needs, I was constantly teaching my kiddos "life skills," about abstract ideas such as compassion and using kind words and how they have the ability (well, everyone, in fact), to "fill someone's bucket" everyday or to be a "bucket dipper." A great book that points this out that I used throughout this year after observing a teacher who had used it in her classroom is "A Kids Guide to Bucket Filling" and "Have You Filled Your Bucket Today?" by Carol McCloud. Teaching kids that everyone they meet is carrying a bucket and that they have the ultimate power with their words to add to or to take away from their "invisible bucket" is a challenging and daunting task to undertake. But, undertake it, I did, and throughout my entire school year, I made it my mission to teach the kids about the importance of being kind and all of those other qualities that are difficult to put into pictures but oh, so important to share with kids. (On another side note, a great book to teach kids about the theme of "moving on" is "Stars" by Mary Lyn Ray. Pick it up and add it to your collection. You will not be disappointed.)

Anyway, back from my tangent to the original post, "authenticity" and "sincerity."

While I talked about sincerity and it's sister (I feel), "compassion," there is one quality that I believe is vital to any relationship to help it grow. One may liken it to a gardener's "water" when tending a flower bed on a farm, and that is "authenticity."

In order for any relationship to grow, it requires a good, healthy dose of authenticity. Watering with authenticity is sure to make not only the other person or people within that said relationship/friendship grow, but make YOU grow as well.

However, if someone is not "authentic," well, that is easy to spot, much like a weed growing in a sidewalk. Authenticity must be developed, nurtured, and cared for in order for it grow and blossom. If all of those ingredients are not constantly being poured forth into that plant or flower bed, then the plants won't grow and you'll have dry and wilted flowers before spring comes in like a lion.

Sometimes, I feel like I was born in the wrong "era." What I am trying to say is that though I look or "appear" young, I feel that I am quite mature for my age and it is due in part to life experiences that have caused me to grow much quicker than my peers who are in a similar age bracket as I am. As such, being a young and mature woman, (who, as times, feels like she is in her 30's) makes it incredibly challenging to find a guy. Scratch that. Finding a "guy" is the easy part. Honestly, they're everywhere! The harder, and rather, difficult part of the whole process, is locating a "man" within that herd who is outfitted with "authenticity, sincerity and compassion."

I've grown up to be a very independent woman and it would be wonderful to locate a man who does not see or use my independence as a crutch but teaches me to exercise some "dependence" throughout the course of my life. In my experiences with men, it seems that the majority, or, if we're being real with ourselves, lack the honesty and simplicity and instead, exchange those things for a one-night stand or a quick-fix relationship.

I'm looking for something more. Call me crazy, but I would rather wait my entire life for a genuine, honest, heart-felt, sincere, authentic, and compassionate relationship, than go through the whirlwind tunnel of boyfriends who want nothing more than a "trophy wife" to show off to their friends at the next outing.

A guy who is authentic, ladies, will be real and open with you, and will seek to make you happy and yearn to watch you grow. He will seek to add to what you already are and your identity, instead of trying to "take it away" from you. A guy who is authentic, will work to make you laugh and seek the best for you. A guy who is sincere will grieve alongside you but will also be sensitive enough to know when you need your space.

Though I've waited a good portion of my life for such a "man" to come along, I rely on the trust and the hope that someday, our paths will cross and it will happen. It's important to not rush into things just because you desire something. Things like relationships take time and work on both parties and forcing something that is not "meant to be" or causing the petals of the flower to burst open when they have not fully grown yet, is only a recipe for disaster. Build a relationship on friendship first. Get to know the other person. Get to know their whole being and who they are. I can't stress this enough. They are words of wisdom that were taught to me very young and I feel the need to share them with you, too.

At this time, I'm continuing to observe guys and put myself out there. I'm not stopping my daily routines and "going out" just because I don't have a guy. Ladies, please remember, that you are not defined by the "man" who is or is not around your shoulders. A guy should not "define" who you are. Your character and your uniqueness should be the ultimate factors.

For me, I am perfectly comfortable with grabbing a handful of my friends and having a good time bowling, walking in the park, playing basketball, teaching, reading, writing, beachin' it, etc. and, investing in those friendships and what God has placed before me, while I wait patiently for that man to come down the aisle.

And, honestly, if he's dressed in a plaid shirt and shorts, that's fine with me, too. A guy who is comfortable with himself and who he is, who knows his limits and who is respectful, witty, humorous, can make a girl laugh, and is genuinely interested in what she has to say; encourages her to pursue life without a roadmap sometimes; is athletic and eats healthy, enjoys music and is great with kids, that is the guy that I am willing to wait for. I feel that these qualities and many more that are just too numerous to name or mention here are not ones that are directly identifiable in the first few moments of meeting in a relationship, but ones that can be picked out within the time it takes to get to know each other, are, indeed, worth waiting for.

I am not naïve to think that this relationship does not exist; in fact, I know that it does because I've seen, witnessed, and talked to people who are living examples of that right now. And, if I end up bypassing society's "criteria" or "timeframe" for finding a guy, then so be it. For, it is not my place nor time to choose when such a man and I will meet or have met. That is out of my hands and out of my control. And for that, I am truly grateful because I would probably mess it all up.

Until then, I learn about myself, type away, write again, read, spend time with both friends and family, drink coffee with honey, travel, and rest. And, that, my friends, is okay with me.

A Few Thoughts from the Gluten-Free Gal

So, it's been about a good month and a half since I last posted on my blog and I thought that with school vacation this week, now would be an essential time to post.

This year, well within the past few months, actually - if I'm completely honest with you, my readers and myself, my world has changed quite dramatically in ways that I would not have been able to imagine, or predict for that matter, a year ago. My job requirements have shifted. In addition, I will be graduating from college (again!) with my Masters Degree. (As a side note, I will forever be a perpetual student and know that I will return back to the campus someday, for either another degree, an advanced certificate, or a bit of both!)

I've also realized and grappled with the fact that social media has been quite an infatuation for me and that I need to actively pause and take a break from it. With social media, I've come to the understanding that a lot of my opinions (whether consciously or subconsciously) have shaped my newfound views of the world, of relationships and of careers. With this realization, my views have been somewhat distorted recently as I've pushed back spending time with God and reading his word and accepted the fact that "floating" or "cruising" in life by myself is "okay."

Yet, I know in my heart, that God wants to do more with me in life than just "cruising" and going on "autopilot." He seeks to have me be a shining light to people that have been put in my life to teach me about things that I long for, struggle with, and seek to grow from. When life seems like it is moving too slow or too fast for me and ceases to meet my expectations, it's in those moments where I am reminded that I am not alone, that God's expectations are the ones that really matter, and that traveling on this journey with a group of people, who are equally as passionate about living their lives to the fullest every single day, is of the utmost importance.

I know that I've said this before and made multiple references to it in previous blog posts, but it bears reiteration because life is so much more than status, media, and fame. Yet, when we become comfortable with our normal everyday routines (as predictable and comforting as they may be) and we fail to see the importance in being perfectly imperfect at accepting the true presence in those moments, that we fail at being truly "present" at all. And, suffice it to say, sometimes I've been so caught up in comparing my life to that of others, that I've missed the simple moments that are really the best and most prolific moments of my life, with thoughts that they are mundane and not of importance.

Most recently, I've realized that as a soon-to-be graduate (yet again) that there are a couple of things that separate me from late twenty-somethings who are in my age bracket as well. For example, I often find myself comparing my life to that of others, particularly in one specific area: relationships. When I had coffee with a friend today, I realized that I am going to (and currently) missing out on my life when I constantly "size myself up" to people who are in relationships and/or who are conquering major milestones in their lives. Consciously, I know that I should not be comparing my life to theirs, but rather, celebrating their life and mine alongside each other. How different would my perspective be if I did that?

Secondly, I find myself feeling "bad" and "sorry" for myself that I am in my late twenties and the only one from my graduating class of about 10 women not in a relationship, not married, and without any children. Yet, I realize that in reflecting upon my status as a woman and my value and worth, that when I "guilt trip" myself, I am actually devaluing myself as a woman instead of appreciating and celebrating the things that God has allowed me to accomplish and worked for me in my twenties. And, I am in a relationship, actually: in my job as teacher, married to my profession and to the people that I serve (neighbors and coworkers alike) and that I do have "kids," my students that I get the joy and the privilege of teaching everyday.

As I've reflected upon returning back to writing again, I keep thinking, "who would want to read my posts?" yet realizing, that is an irrational thought that has no place in my life for an educated woman. And yes, though I do not have a "relationship" or "potential suitor" yet, I am grateful for the women who are in my life that have wonderfully life-giving relationships that I can look up to and point to as examples for when I have my own relationship with someday.

I think one of the struggles and hardships that young women face nowadays is that society dictates and already has this preconceived notion that young women should be married and have families early on. Granted, that scenario does happen, and, I always thought that it would happen to me, but for some reason, God decided early on that waiting and drawing me closer to him in this time as a single and independent young woman would make me stronger and use this time of being single to grow me. That is to say, he's still working on me, folks! We are all a work in progress and always training and learning more about ourselves, our lives, and the people who are put into our lives that we serve everyday.

I've come to the realization that as I get my thoughts onto paper (well, typed onto the computer), I've become trapped in the cycle that is social media and the ramifications that it brings. Not only is it bad for my eyes by constantly staring at my phone off and on all of the time, but I seek and look for approval in insignificant things that I never used to before, like those little red notifications! And the "likes" that go along with them. I mean, if we are all completely honest with ourselves for a few moments, how often do we stop what we are doing, whether it's in a conversation, etc. to check our phones or social media pages for updates and comments? My tiny fingers hurt just from doing that! And that's without writing a daily schedule on the chalkboard and all of the other "finger type tasks" that come with being a teacher to elementary school-aged children.

But, this post is less about social media (though it has done wonderful things for our world) and more about finding our value and our worth in society. At this point in my young life, I've met and acknowledged many milestones that I am well aware not many people get to experience in their twenties. And, when I sit back and ponder all of that, I am excited. Finding a husband (well, ceasing the search and being content with who I am), that my friends, is just another piece in this cobblestone pathway of my life.

Ladies, (and guys, too), lets try to acknowledge when we, and where we, tend to place our value and worth in things that are minute and that we really don't have much control over and decide, instead, to expend that energy on having tea with a neighbor, or getting up a little extra early to see the sunrise, or picking up some flowers at the grocery for a friend that needs a little "pick me up". Let's work on creating a life that God so desperately wants us to be fully present in rather than wading in the waters of another life that we have no part being in. Imagine how much our world would change and the ripples that we could cause, permeating to other islands and how our viewpoints would change if we just did that. If we just simply lived.

For my life is not about the man that does or does not have his hand around my waist - but about the life that I am fully embracing, in my own imperfect way - one day at a time.

-cheers.

"My List for a Guy"

I bet that every girl has written "that list" before. You know, "the list," ladies - the one that usually begins with something along the lines of "The Things I Want in a Man." At one point or another in our lives, I can honestly say that I've fashioned at least two or three of these lists; one as a young girl, one as a teenager, and now one as an adult. And, the funny thing is, as I get older, my list gets shorter and shorter and the points become more and more abstract.

When I was in high school, I was encouraged to chronicle the "traits" or "characteristics" that I looked for in a future man. At that point in a young 16 year-old-girl's life, we're thinking about appearances, height, hair color, athleticism, etc. We're not even thinking about debt, student loans, has a good job, etc. But, by the time we're adults, ladies, I reckon that some of these "essential qualifications" begin to change.

I recently came across my most updated "list" that I compiled when I took a road trip up to New Hampshire with a couple of friends. I completely forgot that I had it, until I sat down with my journal to write tonight. As I sat there holding my "list for a future man," I realized that as women, (well, as a teacher, really) I am so accustomed to lists and to checking things off in a box to get them accomplished, that I sometimes inadvertently apply the same process to finding a man.

This is not to say that we shouldn't know what we are looking for in a potential mate. All of us have those "deal-breakers" or things that we can just live without. Growing up, I wouldn't give a second look to a guy who had a tattoo. Now, it's not as a big deal for me (depending upon how many and their location :)) Instincts are very important when it comes to relationships and dating. A potential future interest should spark some curiosity and amazement, wonder and joy within you, without giving too much of himself or herself away.

As a twenty-something young woman, I reflect back on my list often. I also understand that my "list" has drastically decreased from over 20 items as a teenage girl to now 4 (Significant change, huh?)

Bet you're all wondering what's on that list, right? Well, you're in luck - because I'm going to share it with you.

In my current, updated, 2.0 version of "a list for a future man," I am seeking a guy that displays his attractiveness in the heart (but, physically wouldn't be too shabby to look at, too.) A man who can take stock of the things that he is passionate about and the areas of his life that drive him to do well, adds more fuel to the fire of love and relationships. The guy that I am looking for shouldn't just be considered "eye candy," but should have an honest and humble way about him that causes him to be attractive. For some people, their "attractiveness" is fueled by the way in which they help kids, for others, it's the way that they navigate the waters of Wall Street or a Fortune 500 Company. As for me, I am of the simple and traditional kind that attractiveness should extend beyond the "physical" and into the realm of the world.

Secondly, I want my man to have a healthy dose of humor. That is, he should be able to make me laugh - not by trying but by having an innate and natural ability to cause the people around him to laugh at appropriate times. He should have a good sense of humor and know how to balance that with a tone of seriousness when the time calls for it.

Third, the potential mate should have some "unstructuredness" in him to balance out my need for "structure" and routines. That is to say that the guy needs to be able to encourage me to "slow down" and embrace not having a "list" and "throwing the road map out the window" every once in a while. He needs to be able to show me that sometimes, we cannot plan for life and its obstacles and must create our own and embrace those trials and triumphs that come our way. He must also remind me that I needn't be "in control" all of the time and reassure me that for those times in which I am not in control, that life, and the circumstances which surround it, will be okay.

Finally, (and this is a personal preference of mine), the guy should be tall and good at nighttime driving. I know you're asking me why I am looking for a man that is taller than this girl who has not grown an inch since she was in the fifth grade. Well, I often have difficulty reaching my favorite frozen butternut squash in the freezer aisle at the grocery store and often have to use a pair of salad tongs to reach it. When I reach for the dishes in my house or am trying to get glassware down from the cupboard, more often than not, I am trying to find inventive ways to bring them to my level. (It's not easy being 5 feet, but It's not something that I regret either.) And forget if I accidentally pull the kitchen shade up too high! Now, I have to use a fork or a long spook to pull it down. Doing the laundry also poses another problem in itself. If I don't wear my clogs that add at least another 1.5 to 2 inches or heels to reach into the washing machine, then I struggle to get the clothes out. Now, I'm not saying that a man who is tall will "magically" solve all of these obstacles, but what I am hinting at is the fact that this last piece would be the "icing on the cake" so to speak. And, what about the cherry, you ask? Well, I use it as decoration, but I'm not really a fan of cherries, so if he likes those too, then I can just give it to him.

What's on your "list?" If you are married, did you ever form one? Did it change throughout the course of your dating life, single life, etc.? Any advice you'd recommend to this single, gluten free gal?

-cheers!

The 14 Days of Valentine's Day: Feb. 14th

Dear Faithful Readers,

Well, today is the day: February 14th, Valentine's Day! And, as such, my last blog post in the "14 Days of Valentine's Day" series.

Today was the first Valentine's Day in which I didn't feel sorry for myself about not having a "significant other" to celebrate the day with. In fact, I was gently reminded (in many ways over the past 14 days) of how loved I already am. For example, I am both grateful and thankful that I have two wonderful and loving parents who support me in both my career and in my personal life. I am blessed to have an "extended single life," as I think I may start calling it, in order to be able to appreciate my parents, spend more time with them, and learn about myself.

Second, I am able to learn how to care for myself and incorporate the activities that I like into my daily life. Today, I took myself to the coffee shop (yet, again for it is my second home), read the newspaper and dove right into Ernest Hemingway's book, The Sun Also Rises. Hemingway has a natural ebb and flow to his writing that makes it so easy to read and yet so hard to put down. The dichotomy of being such an incredible writer and author is amazing. There is a part of the book where he lets us into the lives of Jake and Lady Brett. Their conversation is a peculiar one about love, as stated in this following excerpt:

"It's funny," I said. "It's very funny. And, it's a lot of fun, too, to be in love."
"Do you think so?" Her eyes looked flat again.
"I don't mean fun that way. It's an enjoyable feeling."

For Valentine's Day, society has altered the human race into "thinking" or "believing" for that matter, that love is all about the "romantic" kind. However, we fail to realize the other types of love that are around us on a daily basis, such as the love for our neighbors, the familial love, the friend love, etc.

Love is so much more than that. I know that someday, I will experience the romantic side of love. I always thought that would come in the city, and the state that I live in, that is, Providence, RI. Yet, an article published in today's Providence Journal has indicated maybe it's not me, but the "numbers" as the writer had shared. Written by Jenna Pelletier, Journal Staff Writer for the Journal, "Providence is the second-worst dating city in the country for young, college-educated women seeking a college-educated man." Either more men should come to RI or I should pack my suitcases and jet off to California, where the male population seems a little more promising. (haha) You can read the full article by clicking here: love article

Along similar lines, Mark Patinkin writes a wonderfully hilarious commentary, that you can find, and that you should absolutely read, here. He writes that when women say "don't bother," they absolutely mean "bother." He also writes that "...if you get women a Crock-Pot or Swiffer on Valentine's Day it's a war crime." Then, he shares a tidbit of information amidst the amusement: "I suppose the difference is women measure affection by what you buy them. One told me it counts against you if you get roses at the grocery instead of at a florist - even if they're identical. That's a lot of pressure."

And so, my friends, I leave you with the last blog post of Valentine's Day 2016. May you know just how loved and appreciated you already are, whether you're single, in a relationship, engaged, recently broken up, married, widowed, etc. We all deserve to experience love and it is my hope that you experience is this year.

-cheers!

The 14 Days of Valentine's Day: February 13

Dear Readers,

This is the second to last post in the "14 Days of Valentine's Day" series. I've learned a lot about myself within these past 13 days, and know that I will continue to learn about life, love, romance, and the world throughout my life. Committing myself to writing a post everyday has also been soothing for me. It has caused me to revisit that part of my life that misses and desires to write. It has taught me to lay all of my thoughts out there, whether it's typing behind a computer screen or writing in a journal, or jotting down some thoughts on a sticky note or a napkin at the local coffee shop. Writing is a way of life for me and I'm glad that I was able to "stick to it" in order to make it a healthy habit. It is my hope that in this Lenten season (for 40 days), I will be able to continue the writing process, faithfully, everyday or every couple of days - in order to write, process, and share my thoughts.

Today, I allowed my mind to wander while treating myself to some long-desired things that I enjoy. I took a drive to Chepachet, RI with the intention of going to Brown and Hopkins Country Store (the oldest country store!) and the Town Trader Antiques (I found an amethyst candy dish). Whenever I need some time to think, I somehow end up there. It's a good 20-25 minute drive and it's a beautiful ride filled with green pastures and farmland (at least in the spring and summer months!). So, I visited both places and then decided to check out a new destination, The Purple Cat.

The Purple Cat is a beautiful, hardwood floor, open beam kinda-place. It was the first time in a very long time that I felt relaxed, as I sat and listened to live acoustic music and piano renditions of oldies songs, with a warm cup of black coffee with honey nestled between my hands. I learned that they make gluten and dairy free crepes, all by asking- so I had a dessert one with bananas, strawberries, cinnamon, and sugar! Do you know how long it's been since I had a crepe?! It was amazing and so wonderfully satisfying!

I had no schedule and no place to be, so I was able to enjoy the two hours that I found myself sitting at that hardwood table with the word "eat" etched into it. It's a place that I definitely want to come back to in the near future. I forgot how much I love to listen to live music and the place would be a wonderful venue for an event someday.

Anyway, I learned that as a "single gluten free gal" there are areas of my life where I need to branch out and spread my wings. I can be like the squirrel who buries his food under the ground and then may forget where he put it, or, I can be like the tufted titmouse bird, who comes back to the tree where it's provided with food, because it knows that bird seed with dried fruit is waiting for it.

Most times, I am like the squirrel, especially when it comes to men. I used to be incredibly shy. Now, I see more "bird-like" qualities in me. This petite tufted titmouse feels free flying to new places to explore and try an assortment of bird food. She also feels excited when she makes time for herself, because it's in those moments that you're not just caring for others, but finding solace, balance and joy in healthfully caring for yourself, too.

February 12th - An Open Letter to the "Friend" Who Sent Me a Package

Dear Friend,

Today, I came home from a very challenging day at work. Ever have those days where things just seem so difficult, no matter how hard you try? Well, today was one of those days. It was a long day. I knew it was going to be a trying day when I accidentally slammed my shoulder into one of those stacked cases that are like 5.5ft tall. (It still hurts as I'm typing this.)

I woke up at 4:45am, stayed at school late (we had early dismissal), and then went to tutor. I came home just as the sun was setting, a reminder that days have a beginning and an ending. I saw your package and opened it up on the counter.

There was no return address but the handwriting looked so familiar. I opened it up to find a wonderful assortment of "teacher things." Thank you for the notecards, paperclips, mouse pad papers, and those other trinkets that you had sent. Your envelope slipped out and I saw my name "Alex." Again, your handwriting had that same familiarity to it. I recognized your writing but can't seem to put my finger on exactly which friend you are.

Nevertheless, your note reminded me that I am never alone, that God loves me and that if I keep pressing forward, He will give me the desires of my heart in time.

Your package arrived to me at exactly the moment that I needed it.
I wish I knew which friend you were to say "thank you." But, I just have to take comfort in knowing that your kind, and thoughtful gesture made my day.

With your kindness, I also realized that when I finally have a future relationship with a guy, I will have to be "okay" with not being "in control," "having a plan," and allowing another person to care for me "just because." I'm so used to doing things for other people, that it felt different being on the "receiving" side. Today, receiving your package is what I needed.

So, from one "Sister in Christ" to another,

Thank You.

Alex

The 14 Days of Valentine's Day: February 11th: My Top 5 Places to Have "That" Romantic Meal

Hi Friends,

Well, I'm back on track with my "14 Days of Valentine's Day" series. I can't believe it's been 11 days of posts already. Thank you for your continued support in reading. Only 3 more days left until the big "Valentine's Day!"

Anyway, as I was driving home from work yesterday - I realized that I was hungry. After a long working day - my stomach was feeling the "hunger vibes." I was craving anything and everything - but then finally settled on Chinese food - complete with an assortment of vegetables. Moo Goo Gain Pan is my favorite! Small pieces of chicken sautéed and tossed with broccoli, bok choy, water chestnuts, and pea pods.

Speaking of which: here are my top 5 restaurants you should try with that "special someone." 

1. The Old Canteen (Providence, RI). Okay, I'm Italian and this is my favorite restaurant. It's nice to dress up once in a while and go out, and that's exactly what you have to do at this fancy place. I also have a pink blazer this matches the walls inside, which is another reason why it's a top spot for me. They serve the best 7 course meal and it's filled with so many memories for me. Located right by the "pineapple" on Federal Hill, it's sure not to disappoint!

2. Quito's Seafood Restaurant  (Bristol, RI). They are located right on the water in Bristol, at the end of East Bay Bike Path. One summer, my friend and I ran and rollerbladed on this path. I made the mistake of using my rollerblades from when I was in the fifth grade. They still fit, but the padding inside was worn and I had blisters for days!!! If I was to rollerblade again, I'd totally buy new ones. Quito's has the best jumbo sea scallops and it's the only place where I can have French fries that are cooked in their own fry pan. It's beautiful in April, May and in the breezy summer months.

3.  Public Kitchen (downtown Providence) right next to The Vets. It's a great place to eat after watching a show in that beautifully restored building! Public has a giant spiral staircase leading into the main room and it's so regal and just simple. I get lost in the bathrooms because they are incredibly huge, and the experience is memorable.

4. Providence G (G Pub) - Orange Street in Providence. This place is wonderful! My favorite part is the rooftop. It's the place to be in the summer, to watch the sun set on the roof. It's relaxing and reminds you of just how small we are compared to the world. And let me tell you, the sunsets from that roof are amazing. It's a little pricey, but you're paying for the ambiance and beauty of an amazing experience.

5. Which brings me to number 5. As you look out from the roof at the Providence G, you will spot the red sign of the "Biltmore" staring back. It's beautiful and has a personal significance for me.

It's important to know that any place/restaurant with music (particularly jazz), is a plus for me!

But aside, from these recommendations - the best place to be with your "significant other" or that "dreamy guy" that you like, is the place where you two have established a connection. It's a place where you both feel comfortable and call home. And, it's at that place where you should celebrate your love, appreciation, and value for each other this February 14th.

-until tomorrow, friends.
cheers!

The 14 Days of Valentine's Day: Commerciality of Feb. 14th

Hi Friends and Faithful Readers,

I walked into CVS today and was completely overcome by the red Valentine's Day balloons, teddy bears sitting atop the shelves, the Russell Stover's candy heart boxes and the scent of the many (many!) flowers waiting patiently to be purchased at the front counter. (This whole experience has been quite overwhelming for your single, gluten-free gal!) Not to mention, the candy (with the exception of the sweet tarts and the cherry hearts - not cinnamon!), which is not gluten and dairy free. Thank goodness for establishments like Wildflour. They are truly a life saver! No pun intended.

Anyway, after being completely overcome by my singleness as a young, twenty-something woman, I realized, yet again, that Valentine's Day is highly over commercialized. My grandfather used to say that your love for a person should be celebrated/acknowledged throughout the year and not just on one day. Sure, it's a great day for a "culmination" of appreciation that you have for one person, your significant other, or, for a group of people like your family, but, perhaps it's the material things that overwhelm me, rather than the holiday itself.

In recent years, Valentine's Day seems to be highly focused on the "money" aspect of supporting companies and manufacturers with the typical cost and demand of selling pink and red and white fluffy and sweet things :) Greeting cards are a whole other subject that deserves a separate post altogether. At times, Valentine's Day seems like a "money making holiday" and I wish that it could return to the simplicity of a single rose instead of a dozen, from homemade chocolates instead of store bought, to thoughtful and intelligent conversations that talk about the world and life and the future instead of circling around the "material" things.

Just because I am single as this Valentine's Day is approaching, doesn't mean that I should be feeling like I am "missing" something. Honestly, I take joy and happiness in listening to my friends and co-workers. I take joy in lighting up their day, in seeing their the corners of their mouths turn up into a smile and in their caring thoughts and words. To me, making a family member happy and seeing a neighbor have food on their table when they've been at the hospital all day, is a symbol and a selfless sign of love itself.

Someday, I hope to experience that "romantic" kind of love, but until then - I'm pleasantly enjoying this teacher life as your single, gluten-free gal.

-cheers!

The 14 Days of Valentine's Day: Feb. 9th: Is it Really All About the "Glitz and Glam?"

Hi Readers,

I have a question for you.

Is Valentine's Day really all about the "glitz and the glam?" Is it about the store bought chocolates, the Russell Stover's sweets, the roses, the endless flowers and teddy bears, the sentimental cards? Or, is Valentine's Day more than just the "material" things?

"Everything in moderation" is a good quote to live by. Too much of a good thing, can be hurtful or even, in some cases, detrimental. I'm not saying that we should not buy/purchase our loved ones valuable things. Everyone deserves to have their affection for their significant other shown in a variety of ways. However, if material things are the only ways by which one shows their love to another - then we should probably examine both the short and long term affects on ourselves and on the other person that these possessions have.

We all like to be appreciated with material things. I love flowers, especially Zinnias! This does not go to say that "love" (however that looks for you) should be represented only in such "material" ways. In my opinion, love should be represented every day, and not just on one holiday. It should be a holiday that we celebrate our love for each other, our jobs, our friends, our co-workers, or workplaces, our neighbors, our families, etc. It should also be a holiday where that may be a culmination of the ways in which we show our love in these experiences throughout the entire year or leading up to the celebration, for that matter, too. Love is not just romantic (though society has somehow geared it towards that in recent years) but includes familial and friendship, too.

Love is, truly priceless. Sure, a nice open heart necklace from Kay's Jeweler's may be lovely (!) but a listening ear, a kind word, a thoughtful, intelligent conversation, a cup of coffee - those things mean more to me than a dozen roses, assorted chocolates, and teddy bears combined! Though, flowers would brighten up my desk and I could probably teach a whole lesson on roses and tie it into science and math and writing :)

This Valentine's Day, lets take a deeper look into the things that we "love" and the things that we "care about." May we search for those that hold a deep place in our hearts and seek to share them with the people who are in our lives.

-cheers.

The 14 Days of Valentine's Day: Feb. 8th - Banana Chocolate Chip Bread and Dating

Hi Readers,

I recently spent my second "snow day" out from school. It was a great time to stay inside, watch the snow with my hands wrapped around a warm mug of green tea, cook, bake, and of course, do some school work!

I have to admit, seeing the snow gently falling outside my picture windows, coursing through the trees, caused me to be in a baking mood and, as a result, I made a plethora of "goodies." On the dessert menu and covering my kitchen table are brownies, oatmeal raisin chocolate chip cookies, chocolate chip cookies, and chocolate chip banana bread. Do you notice a theme? I love chocolate chips and don't get to have them that often! I restrict myself, but when I do, I always go for the Enjoy Life baking chocolate chips. They're gluten, dairy, soy and nut free and completely vegan!

As I was mixing the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients for the banana bread, I was struck by something. When I'm cooking, my mind is allowed to wander, as my hands and body engage with the whole cooking process. When I first tried to make this recipe, I cut out four different types of flour that the recipe called for and only used one. The ingredients came out like a dough instead of a thick liquid. I cooked it at the temperature that the recipe called for and kept it in just as the writer had indicated. It came out crumbly, overcooked, and not moist at all!

So, I wasn't satisfied and decided to have a second go-around with it. I tried the recipe again, this time, cutting back the amount of flour that I used, decreased the amount of baking time and decreased the oven temperature. The banana chocolate chip bread emerged from the oven, a beautiful golden color, moist, and with a little bounce when I pushed on it. All in all, taking a chance, mixing up the recipe, and trying something new, really helped to make the dessert my own.

Baking banana chocolate chip bread is a lot like dating. When I'm baking, I follow the recipe to the "T." I'm a teacher, so I am very accustomed to routines, structure, and plans. My daily life revolves around those three important "ingredients!" When I try to apply this process that I've used for eons (it seems), with dating/finding a guy, my experience is like the first banana chocolate chip bread, burnt, crumbly, and devoid of moisture.

I'm not saying that we should not date/find a guy (or a significant other, for that matter) by not "following a recipe." Honestly, there is no "recipe" for love. What works for one person to find love may not necessarily work nor have the same affects for another person. Everyone's taste buds are different. Dating is not a process where you gather said ingredients, mix them together, bake, and voilà, you have a handsome man, cooked to perfection. Dating is a lot like my second banana chocolate chip bread attempt: that is, one in which you alter the ingredients, take a risk, lower the temperature, and most importantly, give it time to cook.

Your experience may seem awkward at first. It may not taste "quite right" or be akin to your liking, but after several attempts and many experiences, you'll be able refine the selection. You may not be able to "fix" your potential man (that should not be your ultimate goal), but dating certainly shows you a lot about yourself - and provides you a mirror into the world that you've been in far too long. Dating encourages you to take on the form of that banana bread, to put yourself "out there" (see my last post) and present yourself to the world, flaws and all.

Dating provides you with an outlook into the sea of fish, goldfish, piranhas, etc. that are in the ocean. It's a big, wide world out there, but, I guarantee you that, in the process, you learn as much about yourself as you do about the men out there. And that, my friends, is just as, if not more important than, finding a potential "mate."

cheers.

The 14 Days of Valentine's Day - Post # 7: Cook Your Heart Out

Let's just get something straight.

A guy worthy of my heart, knows how to cook.
A guy who knows how to cook, is worthy of my heart.
A guy who prefers microwaved dinners 6/7 days of the week, should learn how to cook.

In my opinion, cooking is a significant part of any relationship, whether it be romantic, a friendship, or a family relationship. Cooking brings people together. It allows time to be spent preparing a meal and sitting down (hopefully!) at a table to talk, and commune with one another.

My dad was the one who taught me how to cook. I remember peering over the stove at a young age, watching him cook dinner after dinner, meal after meal. My mom would cook, too and she would bake, but, there is only room for so many cooks in the kitchen. I always loved watching my dad prep meals, as if he was a "magician" in the kitchen, with green peppers, steak, mushrooms, and tomatoes as his show. My parents and I always sat down at the dining room table to eat. There is actually research that supports the notion that parents who cook and eat dinner/meals with their children on a regular basis do better in school and in life. (Look it up!) As a teacher, that part of cooking always resonates with me and to this day, my students and I follow "recipes" in class such as for writing and for making salt dough for math.

As you can see, cooking is a vital part of my life. It is not something that I dread doing after a long day at work (granted, their are some days that seem longer than others where I feel like a need break from the everyday routine), but rather, a necessary task that I embrace. Cooking relaxes me and is a equally a great stress reliever. I feel better after I cook a meal or bake. My favorite part is seeing the meal in my head, with all of the colors and textures and tastes, and putting it onto the plate. Cooking is ingrained in me, much like stories and traditions are passed down in families. Cooking is my tradition that I hope will be carried on to my future family and children someday.

With that said, a man who knows his way around a pan and a kitchen, and who is handy with a spatula and the flavors of seasoning, is one that I am attracted to. Everyone deserves a nice meal out every once in a while, but a home cooked meal, where two people work together to prepare it (or even a surprise meal by candlelight) is one that I prefer more. There's just something so natural about the art of cooking and the ability to create a delicious meal with your hands.

Anyway, if you're out there, "potential guy," make sure that you know how to cook. Because, I can sniff out a natural cook from the wannabes. And, I hope that you "wannabe" with me.

-cheers!

the 14 Days of Valentine's Day Posts: GET OUT THERE!

Hi Readers,

So, I am a little behind in my posts (but only by a couple of days!) Since I last wrote, we had a snow day on Friday and we have one scheduled again for tomorrow. Wow! I guess the ground from Pennsylvania was a little confused :)

Anyway, continuing with the "14 Days of Valentine's Day Series."

I've often been told by many friends that I need to "take more risks" when it comes to meeting people, particularly where relationships are concerned. I am quite accustomed to "crushing" as a todays teenage girls say and keeping it a secret all to myself. I do have to admit, that I am not one of those gals to make the first move. In addition, I am also very adept (from years of experience, I might add), to putting up invisible walls/boundaries between myself and the potential guy that I like. Honestly, I'm not really quite sure why I do that. Perhaps, when I examine this characteristic of myself more closely (NCIS style), I realize that I put up these "walls" as a sense of protection in case I were to "get hurt."

As a young girl, I was always "gun ho" about my education. My parents instilled that piece of learning within me that their belief in being an educated, thoughtful, mindful person is one of the major stepping stones in life. I carried this belief with me all throughout my childhood and onto high school. Sure, I had crushes, but never really any "serious" boyfriends. Looking back, all of the guys that I "liked" or developed an interest in, were those with charisma, who had significant flaws, were jokesters and jocks. I'm typically drawn to the guys who needed fixing and those that I think may like me and that I could "fix." But the reality is, you cannot help those who do not want to help themselves.

Nowadays, I appreciate men who do have a good sense of humor, who can make me laugh, who like independent and self-driven women, who are passionate about their field of work, and who love their family, animals, and kids.

As far as the "getting out more" to meet new people (particular guys), I am slowly learning how do this. More importantly, I am learning how to navigate the waters of once having a social life (in college) to having no social life (full-time work and Graduate school) to having a life outside of work again. It's a messy and beautiful balance and I am fortunate to be a part of it.

Check out this article, Stop getting in your own way, from October 4, 2015 - written by Erika Ettin from the Tribune News Service and published in The Providence Journal. It is a great piece about dating, relationships, and how we can sometimes be the person who is "getting in the way."

Any suggestions for me? Feel free to leave a comment.
Stay warm my New Englander friends.

-cheers!